For our 20th Anniversary, I asked
my former husband to get me a boyfriend as my gift. I was attempting to use humor to
communicate to him that I felt lonely in our marriage. I actually hoped that he
would volunteer to be that boyfriend.
However, we had so many
unresolved conflicts in our marriage that he did not see the humor in this
request. There were way too many resentments that built up a thick wall between
us.
The only topic we had to talk
about was our three children. Most of our conversations were flat and filled
with disagreements. There were concerns on both our hearts that we were
reluctant to share with one another. From our different focal points, we saw
the same events in our life from two totally different perspectives.
We attempted to start a
restaurant, but over-extended our self financially; and the house of cards we
erected in both the restaurant and our marriage eventually fell apart. He saw
no option for us but divorce, which left both of us feeling abandoned and
abused.
About two years later, God
blessed me with a new man in my life. He makes an honest effort to dwell with
me with understanding and to shower me with focused attention. I provide him
with needed verbal affirmation, admiration and a virtually stress-free home
life.
We never let the sun go down on
hurt feelings. We keep a couples' journal, and take turns writing out our
feelings in non-judgmental and uncondemning words. Then we responded to each
other by writing back in the journal. This keeps out negative emotions that
could escalate into arguments.
We have always worked well
together in the ministry, and we actually enjoy each other's company. We take
turns deciding what to do on our "date" nights. We always schedule
them into our shared calendar, so that we can look forward to them.
We jealously guard this special
time as a couple. We do not have much discretionary income, so we plan simple
dates: watching a movie on TV after putting the kids to bed, star gazing on the
hill near our home, sharing a milk shake at the local restaurant, sunning on a
blanket at the local beach or strolling along the water's edge, sitting in lawn
chairs in the backyard and reading the latest book that intrigues us, walking
through the mall holding hands and window shopping, perusing an antique store
(a free museum), going thrift store shopping to find inexpensive treasures and
clothing, exploring small towns around our home, etc.
During our dates, we talk about
everything on our heart, laugh, cry, and make plans together. Over the years, this
practice allowed us to bond in a love relationship that has stood the test of
time and all of the trials of our life.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You for keeping
me safe during my return to single living and then for providing a man that is
willing to meet my needs with selfless humility and understanding. We
appreciate You for keeping us together through the storms that Satan devised to
tear us apart. We love serving You together with every ounce of our energy and
each moment of time in our life.
Thank You for allowing our
relationship to be an example for other couples, and for using us to help to
prevent others from going through the trauma of divorce. We give You all the
praise and glory for our marital success as we move toward twenty-five years of
anniversaries; and we rely on You to continue to use us as a couple to further
Your Kingdom in the earth.
Thought for the Day:
Together, we learned to guard our
date night, to prefer one another in our decisions, and never to make a choice without
first checking with how each of us feels about it. This keeps us on the same
page throughout our marriage and allows us to walk in the wisdom and counsel of
God's Holy Spirit.
