Good Grief!

Read: 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

“I will lead the blind (those who have lost their way) by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

From the first moment of loss, the human soul is numb, in shock and probably in denial. We expect our loved one to come walzing back through the door at any moment, dispelling our fears that this loss will last forever. We dream about them coming in and sweeping us off our feet and proclaiming that it was all a misunderstanding. We have no feelings at all during this time. We are in limbo, holding our breath and living in slow motion. God programmed our soul this way in order to protect us from facing the impact of our loss all at one time. There comes a time, however, when the nerves in our soul begin to feel, the reality of our loss sinks in and we have to face the future without our loved one.

At this point, dreams or nightmares may start. This is your soul’s way of dealing with your pain. Your soul uses your time asleep to process your thoughts and feelings in order to help you to make decisions that are necessary at this time in your life. Most experts advise that a grieving person not make any major or life changing decisions at this time. It is so easy, during a time of grief, to fly off the handle or to make a knee-jerk reaction that may affect you adversely for the rest of your life.

Grief comes in waves after a loss. We go through stages of denial that it happened, anger over being abandoned, bargaining for a way out, having to live alone, depression over what we cannot control and finally acceptance and hope for a fulfilling future (Jeremiah 29:11). Grief is a very personal issue and we all experience it differently. Give yourself permission to heal according to your own schedule, not someone else’s.

Some people go through some of these stages of grief more than once, experiencing them in a different light or a new level this time. Other people get stuck on one stage and cannot seem to get free from it. Some never go through all of the stages, because they process their grief differently than others. One thing that we can always count on is God offers hope to the hopeless and joy for our mourning (Psalm 30:11).

God also gave us a place in the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12; Romans 12: 4-5). No matter how grave our loss, we are still an integral and vital part of His Body. Though we may need to step back from service until we have the emotional and physical energy to serve again, we can still worship with believers and enjoy what is going on in our local Body. Most of people the people we see there had a lifetime of grief and loss as well, and they can relate to how we feel. They will have empathy and counsel for us too (Luke 22: 31-34).

Have you ever given your self permission to cry? Crying does not indicate weakness. It is actually very wise to allow your self to cry. Grief does not diminish if you ignore it. You do not have to hide your sorrow, even from your self. Do not pretend that you are fine. Grief changes everything about us. There are monumental issues that need your attention. They will not be dealt with if you ignore your loss. Only as grief is expressed can it truly heal.

Tears wash away the sorrow that tries to take root in our soul, and sets us free from issues that would otherwise fester and grow and possibly even makes us physically ill. Journaling is a very helpful tool, not only to rid your soul of your negative emotions, but also to give you a clear picture of how you really feel. Our ultimate healing comes when we turn our pain over to God. He will work all things out for out good (Romans 8:29). His joy is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10; Psalms 28:7). Confidence in His love and provision give us hope for our future (Jeremiah 29:11).

There is a very real tendency as we grieve, whether from death or divorce, to marry the first kind person that reaches out to us. They care about you and you really miss the companionship of your mate. This is called rebounding. It is very lethal, because it takes you out of the fire and into the frying pan. Rebounding unites you with someone to whom you are unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).

The person may actually claim to believe in Christ, but you may be total opposites and your souls will clash. You may find your soulmate, but spiritually you are incompatible. You may have a physical attraction to this person, but you share little in soul and spirit. Take your time before commiting to a new relationship. Date many different people and really get to know someone before comitting the rest of your life to them. Wait for God to bring along His intended mate for you. It’s worth the wait.

When you least expect it, something familiar may cause a flashback to your former life, which may trigger unwanted grief. Tears and fears may arise to interupt your day. This is God’s way of allowing you to process the emotions within you, adjust to your loss and eventually to heal. If you fight the pain, the grief will persist. If you go with the pain and feel it fully, you will grieve and get past it. Then, the next time you experience that trigger it will not affect you as deeply.

Finding comfort in artificial means, such as unhealthy relationships and controlled substances will also prolong your grief. Time alone gives you time to journal and get in touch with the true feelings of your soul. The writers of Psalms felt these same feelings. Reading the Psalms often, brings comfort to know you are not the only one feeling this way. Reach out to the comfort of people with positive attitudes. Take a class and make new friends. Hang out with other divorcees or widows/widowers.  

If the idea of being home alone is troublesome for you: adopt a pet; rent movies you always wanted to see, but your mate did not; go to church services whenever they are available; volunteer at a soup kitchen or at the hospital or other charity events; invite the grandchildren for a slumber party; go on the excursions you already planned to attend with your mate – take a friend if you do not want to go alone. Do anything that feels comfortable to you and that makes you happy.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, no matter who we are or what we lost or how we feel, we can always pour out our grief to You. You are the One who loves us, keeps us as the apple of Your eye and laid down Your life for us. You are a strong tower and You are just waiting for us to run into Your everlasting arms.

Thought for the Day:

Comfort is just a prayer away.

Let God Be God

Read: Hebrews 11: 1-40

 

“Cause me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning; for in Thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto Thee.” Ps 143:8 KJV

People curry God’s favor for many reasons and in many different ways. Most of us agree that we need God, but the way in which we relate to Him tells a great deal about our relationship with Him.

Some people treat Him like a genie in a lamp and entreat Him for what He can do for them. They trust in Him as their “fire insurance” to keep them from going to hell. They blame Him when things do not go their way, especially in the way in which they expected them to transpire.

Others create God in their own image. They ignore Him or curse His name in their everyday conversation. If pressed, they would say they and God have an understanding: He won’t bother them and they won’t bother Him. They only call on God when they make a bargain with Him to bail them out of some type of trouble they got themselves into; although, they never seem to keep their end of the promise in the bargain.

Then there are those who deny God’s existence. They do not blame Him, nor do they go to Him in their time of need. They may take His name in vain, but they do not believe that He has any more reality than the Easter Bunny or Santa Claus.

Finally, there are those who believe in God by faith. They actually stake their existence on the validity of His authenticity. They live a life of faith in His will and obedience to it. They let God be God in His own timing, wisdom, and manner in their lives. They trust in Him alone, regardless of what He provides or promises. Their faith rarely waivers, because it is built on the Rock of Christ, rather than on the sand of life’s circumstances and the behavior of others.

I suppose you can say that I held a membership in each of these groups. I shared all of these viewpoints for a short span in my lifetime. Then, I joined the ranks of Hall of Faith in the eleventh chapter of Hebrews. I came face to face with the Savior. Now, His abundant holiness leaves me awestruck. His graciousness humbles me. His loving kindness meets me anew every morning and blesses me all through my day. His peace holds me above troubled waters and His joy is my only source of strength.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, thank You for authoring and finishing our faith. Guide us each day, and help us to trust You more. Let our light so shine that others will see our good works and glorify You as their Father also. Commission us to do Your will each day of our lives and use us to further Your Kingdom in the earth.

Thought for the Day:

Faith alone, without works to back it up, is dead.