Grief comes in waves after a loss. We go through stages of denial that it
happened, anger over being abandoned, bargaining for a way out, having to live
alone, depression over what we cannot control and finally acceptance and hope
for a fulfilling future (Jeremiah 29:11). Grief is a very personal issue and we
all experience it differently. Give yourself permission to heal according to
your own schedule, not someone else’s.
Some people go through some of these stages of grief more than once,
experiencing them in a different light or a new level this time. Other people
get stuck on one stage and cannot seem to get free from it. Some never go
through all of the stages, because they process their grief differently than
others. One thing that we can always count on is God offers hope to the
hopeless and joy for our mourning (Psalm
30:11).
God also gave us a place in the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12; Romans 12: 4-5). No matter how grave our loss,
we are still an integral and vital part of His Body. Though we may need to step
back from service until we have the emotional and physical energy to serve
again, we can still worship with believers and enjoy what is going on in our
local Body. Most of people the people we see there had a lifetime of grief and
loss as well, and they can relate to how we feel. They will have empathy and
counsel for us too (Luke 22: 31-34).
Have you ever given your self permission to cry? Crying does not indicate
weakness. It is actually very wise to allow your self to cry. Grief does not
diminish if you ignore it. You do not have to hide your sorrow, even from your
self. Do not pretend that you are fine. Grief changes everything about us.
There are monumental issues that need your attention. They will not be dealt
with if you ignore your loss. Only as grief is expressed can it truly heal.
Tears wash away the sorrow that tries to take root in our soul, and sets us
free from issues that would otherwise fester and grow and possibly even makes
us physically ill. Journaling is a very helpful tool, not only to rid your soul
of your negative emotions, but also to give you a clear picture of how you
really feel. Our ultimate healing comes when we turn our pain over to God. He
will work all things out for out good (Romans
8:29). His
joy is our strength (Nehemiah
8:10; Psalms 28:7). Confidence in His love
and provision give us hope for our future (Jeremiah 29:11).
There is a very real tendency as we grieve, whether from death or divorce,
to marry the first kind person that reaches out to us. They care about you and
you really miss the companionship of your mate. This is called rebounding. It
is very lethal, because it takes you out of the fire and into the frying pan.
Rebounding unites you with someone to whom you are unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).
The person may actually claim to believe in Christ, but you may be total
opposites and your souls will clash. You may find your soulmate, but
spiritually you are incompatible. You may have a physical attraction to this
person, but you share little in soul and spirit. Take your time before
commiting to a new relationship. Date many different people and really get to
know someone before comitting the rest of your life to them. Wait for God to
bring along His intended mate for you. It’s worth the wait.
Finding
comfort in artificial means, such as unhealthy relationships and controlled
substances will also prolong your grief. Time alone gives you time to journal
and get in touch with the true feelings of your soul. The writers of Psalms
felt these same feelings. Reading the Psalms often, brings comfort to know you
are not the only one feeling this way. Reach
out to the comfort of people with positive attitudes. Take a class and make new
friends. Hang out with other divorcees or widows/widowers.
If the idea of being home
alone is troublesome for you: adopt a pet; rent movies you always wanted to
see, but your mate did not; go to church services whenever they are available;
volunteer at a soup kitchen or at the hospital or other charity events; invite
the grandchildren for a slumber party; go on the excursions you already planned
to attend with your mate – take a friend if you do not want to go alone. Do
anything that feels comfortable to you and that makes you happy.
Thought for the Day:
