People will behave toward us in the way in which we teach them to treat us. If we allow others to abuse us - verbally, mentally, or physically - we are inviting more of that same behavior into our future. However, we can develop a habit of using premeditated wording to express our feelings, rather than to use hasty, angry words to verbally attack the offending party.
Prior to coming to Christ for salvation, I felt like I was all alone in the world, and I had to protect myself from abuse and mistreatment. A traumatic event that occurred to me when I was 12 years old, taught me that even people who were supposed to help protect me could not be trusted.
I used excessive anger to protect myself from perceived injustices or to get people to listen and to take me seriously. My anger struck hot and quickly like a volcano, and I left just as many deep scars behind in my wake.
After conversion and through sanctification, I learned from God’s Spirit that rather than to explode in anger, we can rationally communicate to the other person that what they just did or said is not acceptable to us. However, even after I eliminated profanity from my vocabulary, I still exploded in anger when someone’s words or behavior caused a fearful or insecure reaction in my soul.
Over years of practice, I learned to stand up for myself without hiding behind fierce anger as protection against what I perceive as an assault or neglect (Ephesians 5:4). God encourages us to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18).
We cannot ever control another person’s actions or responses towards us, but we can put distance between us and an abusive person and to stop tolerating negative behavior from those we associate with on a regular basis. They may not react positively to the change in us, but they will sooner or later get used to it.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You for helping me to put away slander, malice, coarse words, and explosive anger (Ephesians 4:31). The people who elicit these responses in us are not safe. Teach us that when we take a step back and look at their actions from a spiritual frame of mind, we can pray for them, and also about our response to them. Remind us that they need our love, compassion, and patience rather than our animosity toward them.
As we grow spiritually, we learn to follow the direction of Your Holy Spirit and to act rather than to react. We tame our tongue and learn to respond with kindness to their onslaught against us. Thank You for teaching us how to remove our self from abusive situations and to allow You to work through our relationship with that person. We want to help them to heal from their inner wounds which cause their behavior. We trust in You and rely on You to meet all our needs (Psalm 112:7, 118:1-29; Isaiah 12:2;).
Thoughts for the Day:
Boundaries enable us to re-evaluate our relationship with abusive people in our life, and to work through the issues with them if they are willing. Some people see no harm in their words or deeds, and they refuse to join us in counseling to improve our relationship. We cannot force them to change. We can only trust God’s Spirit to sanctify us with the nature of Christ who abides within us.
- Colossians 1:27
