Showing posts with label dysfunction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dysfunction. Show all posts

Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Normality of Abnormality

In our society today, many people live dysfunctional lives. They are so used to the abnormality that they do not know any other way to live. When well meaning people try to help them to get organized and to find some healing, they often resented it or shy away in fear from the offered help. I found this to be true over and over again throughout my forty years as a Pastor’s wife.
This anomaly dumbfounded me every time I encountered it. It took a major act of God for me to be able to relate to similar circumstances.

Several months ago, the husband of one of our church members offered to tile the floor of our home as a gift to us. Our house only has four rooms; therefore, he had enough leftover tile from other jobs he completed for other people that he could re-floor almost our entire house with the remnants. Grateful for his generosity, we packed up all of our belongings from one half of our house into boxes and into the other half of our house. I envisioned myself enjoying my new floor in just a few days. 

Due to out of town commitments on both of our parts, however, it took several weeks for the job to begin. Living in this chaos, my stomach often wrung with stress because I needed a particular item and did not know which of the many boxes stacked from floor to ceiling held that necessary article. I also had my bedroom dresser in the kitchen and my refrigerator and clothing armoire out in the entryway of the house. My life was literally all boxed up!

When both of our schedules finally coincided, we packed up our pets and an overnight bag in order to spend the night in a borrowed condo. The next day the tile and grout cured and my husband sealed the grout for longevity. We gleefully and very gratefully moved back home and unpacked. We looked forward to finishing the rest of the job the next week. So, we packed up the unfinished half of the house and moved it all into the finished half.

Again, sickness, travel and the holidays for all of us interfered with any more work getting done. I lived for several more weeks with the refrigerator still in the foyer and everything I use most often now packed up in boxes. Normally a very structured person, I felt so out of control. Therefore, I relied on God to enable me to adjust to these chaotic living conditions (Philippians 4:13). I eventually adapted and lived a very constructive life, oblivious to the confusion reigning in our home.

 A few weeks later, the tile company called with the news that they could only tile one room. Once the grout sealer cured, we joyfully moved the furniture back into our office and unpacked all of my husband’s books and office supplies. Thankfully, we also returned the refrigerator to the kitchen, since we were now able to fit the bedroom dresser into the living room.

A month later, they came and tiled the bedroom and bathroom. We were even able to set up our bed in the entryway for the night, so we did not have to move out again. The finished product is exceptionally beautiful and we still constantly thank this family for their generosity and care for our home.

The point of this story is this: Out of habit, I adapted to living in all of that confusion and disorder. It felt familiar to me after a while. I learned a whole new system of organization and the disarray actually felt normal. The day after they completed the job, I realized I could finally restore my home to its original order. Suddenly, I felt sick! Nausea and stress churned in my stomach again. The thought of having order restored made me feel insecure and upset for some reason.

 As I prayed about this, God gave me quite a revelation. The abnormal quite literally became so normal to me, that the normal now felt abnormal. While pondering my strange feelings, I realized it does not take the human mind very long to adapt to an unbalanced order so completely, that we actually view the normal as abnormal and react in fear to the restoration of order in our lives. Now I understood why people feel so comfortable in their dysfunction, and why they react negatively when help is offered.

The newest sitcoms today speak of the “new normal.” What was once abnormal is now considered normal. They purport that Biblical values are no longer the standard. We have the frog-in-the-kettle syndrome. Society slowly accepted the unacceptable and the atypical is now typical. Christians are called unfeeling, intolerant and are accused of inciting hate crimes because we preach, live and stand up for Biblical standards, which mainstream society ridicules.

In the “new normal”, people refuse to adhere to God’s truth. Instead, they choose to believe Satan’s lies as the truth (Romans 1:25; 2 Timothy 4:4). The Bible gives us a warning, however. If anyone is ashamed of Jesus and His words in this adulterous and sinful generation, then Jesus will be ashamed of him when He comes back to earth in His Father's glory with His holy angels. I beg you to ask yourself, “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36-38)

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, I am so grateful for the generosity of Your people. My recollection of the chaos and disrepair of our home is a foggy memory now. The beauty of the floor far outweighs the inconvenience we experienced. Thank You also for using this experience to help me to understand that all humans adapt to the abnormal, and we all need patience and understanding with one another. I know that the “new normal” is only a sign of the end times, but I still mourn for those who believe the lie. I pray for all of those in my circle of influence; that they will hear Your voice and commit their life to You.

Thought for the Day:
The tendency of the abnormal is to give the appearance of actually being normal.

Friday, March 23, 2012

He First Loved Us

Read: John 13: 34-35

“If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” - 1 John 4: 20

People need love. They want to feel cherished, cared for and needed. When they do not receive this affirmation, they get discouraged and lose hope. God calls Christians to love. As we love others, we show gratitude to God and prove to the world that we are followers of Jesus Christ (John 13: 34-35). As we love, we mirror the joy and peace found only in Jesus. We are an extension of Christ’s love to everyone in our sphere of influence.

There are three main types of love: Eros, Philio and Agape. Eros is physical love and involves a chemical cocktail of adrenalin, dopamine, and serotonin that attracts us to certain other people. Philio is from our soul. It is the love of friends for one another. Agape is God’s love. His love transcends the physical and emotional realms of life. Therefore, it is possible to continue to love someone that we no longer feel physically attracted to or have any type of friendship with any longer. Christ’s love is self-sacrificing, yet not codependently so.

I am not talking about being a doormat, or allowing people to abuse us or to treat us rudely. Christ does not encourage us to stop caring for our own needs. If we do not love ourselves first, we can never love someone else (Mark 12:31). Jesus wore the best clothes (John 19:23-24); yet he did not have a place to lay His head (Matthew 8:20). He did not seek worldly gain at another’s expense. He did, however, have everything He needed. The balance in enjoying a healthy sense of love for our “self” here has nothing to do with selfish ambition or vain conceit, but with humility in considering others better than our selves (Philippians 2:3) at the same time that we make sure our needs are met as well.

Dysfunctional love exists in our human relationships as a symptom of our spiritual disease. This maladjusted love is not in balance and harmony with God’s love. Fairytales and romance novels make us believe that we have to be in a relationship in order to be whole or complete. This is not true. We are not “halves” that cannot be whole without a relationship. As long as we believe that we need to have another person in our life in order to be happy and to feel loved, we are really using that person as our drug of choice.

The actual cause of this feeling of disconnection within us is our detachment from our Spiritual Source…Jesus Christ. This is toxic love and it will eventually kill us. We are addicted to the euphoria of another person’s presence for as long as these feelings last in our soul. Some people change the object of their obsession more often than rain waters the earth. That is not God’s true love - nor is it loving in the way that God intended. Christ’s love defies natural affection and loves in spite of the recipient’s attitude and behavior. God’s love works miracles in people’s lives. We receive God’s love unconditionally. Therefore, we can love our self and others unconditionally, because He first loved us (Romans 5:8). When we share His love, we bring glory and honor to His name.

God calls us to love others as Jesus loves us. Jesus loved us enough to leave the riches of Heaven, even though we are completely unlovable and sinful. This level of love inspires us to demonstrate this same love to one another. Sacrificial love gives and considers the needs of others ahead of our own, but not to the exclusion of our own needs. We give of our time, talents, empathy and even our material resources, if possible. We rejoice when others rejoice, and we cry when others hurt. Most of all, we forgive even the vilest offender, simply because Jesus forgave us.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, help us to purify ourselves by obeying the truth, so that we have sincere love for our brothers. You showed us how to love one another deeply, from the heart (1 Peter 1:22). Help us to follow Your example. I want to give everyone what I owe him, including respect and honor (Romans 13:7).

Thought for the Day:
Unconditionally love yourself, just as you love those closest to you, despite their faults.