Volcanic Anger

Read: Proverbs 15:1-2

"Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” - Eph 4:26-27 NKJV

I get so frustrated when I say something and people don't pay any attention to me. In the past, I felt like I was walking around with a bag over my head. I resorted to anger to get my point across. I acted like a volcano, bursting forth with a huge eruption and then cooling quickly. The only problem with this is that just as a volcano leaves scars on the earth, I also left scars on human hearts.

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry. God gave us anger as a legitimate emotion to protect us. The problem arises when we use anger inappropriately. I struggled for years, blowing up and then feeling sad that I hurt the people that I love. Several years ago, I learned a simple remedy.

Now I make sure to get the person's undivided attention before speaking. I ascertain all the facts before I form an opinion. I try to understand the other person’s viewpoint. Then, I voice my opinion, feelings or needs. I very rarely ever feel angry any more, because people usually take me seriously. I do not always get my way, but I do always agree with the decision that we ultimately choose.

Prayer:

Lord, remind me that You did not speak to Elijah in the wind, the earthquake or in the fire. Help me to have the incorruptible beauty of a tender and soothing spirit, which is a treasure in Your sight.

Thought for the Day:

The still, small voice still receives the most attention.

Slow To Wrath

Read: Eph 4:31-32

“A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.” – Proverbs 12:16

I am a hot-blooded Italian, and I grew up with anger all around me. Anger is a natural, God-given reaction to the pain of being hurt. When we perceive the danger of being hurt, the fight or flight mechanism of anger helps to ensure our protection. The Bible says to be angry, but not to sin (Psalm 4:4). This tells me that the feeling of anger is totally justified most of the time, so anger should never be repressed or the feelings behind it denied, belittled, diminished or invalidated. However, when we react in anger, we only complicate the situation. 

Anger is trying to portray a very real message to us. Anger motivates us to make a needed change in our life. We can either use anger constructively or destructively. I've learned that simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing, can help calm down my angry feelings. Then I ask myself what's really bothering me. I often journal my feelings until I get rid of the extreme emotions. Then I can calmly discuss how I feel. I am slowly learning to express the sentiments behind the anger, rather than the anger itself.

Before you assume that you know what is going on, learn the facts. Before you judge another person’s motives, understand their reasoning. Before you hurt someone with an angry response, imagine how they will feel. Before you speak…think.

In dealing with an issue, start by listening to the other person's side of the issue, ask them to consider your side of the issue, and then come to a compromise that you both can live with, rather than insisting on your own way or constantly giving in to the other person (James 1:19-21).

If we do not control our temper, people will label us as a fool (Ecclesiastes 7: 9). Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to clearly communicate what your needs are, and ask for help to get them met without hurting others. Being assertive does not mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful to yourself and others (Prov 19:11).

It's the little irritations that add up during the course of the day that lower our tolerance for frustration. When we do not deal with those frustrations as they arise, they fuel one another. Dealing with the issues as they arise, rather than the person causing the issue, will resolve the anger without hurting the other person's feelings. You can have quietness and confidence as your strength, rather than using anger to fight your battles for you.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, people with understanding control their anger. Those who give in to a hot temper show great foolishness. Give us a peaceful heart, which will lead to a healthy body (Proverbs 14: 29-30a).

Thought for the Day:

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. - Proverbs 15:1