Surviving a Second Marriage

Too often, a divorcee will run from one bad marriage to another. They do not allow themselves time to recover mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually from the initial abandonment before jumping into another wedding. This causes them to haul the heavy baggage of their unresolved conflicts into their next marriage.

The mental health experts all advise us to date many people for six months or more. This gives us an extensive idea of what type of person we can enjoy, get along with and live with on a daily basis. Some people worry about being alone for the rest of their life, and they marry the first person who is kind to them or who has the physical attributes that attract them.

This may cause us to marry the same type of person that just divorced us. Many divorcees ignore the red flags, which pop up with a person. The anger in their voice, the controlling attitude, the slight irritation or disappointment, the selfish decision, the broken promise, etc. are all red flags to alert us to the person's real personality. They may mask their true identity for a while, but once they know they won our affections, they gradually let their guard down.

So, when we find someone who really interests us, we should casually date them as a potential mate for three months first; and then at least three more months of seeing the person every day with their family, friends and workmates. This gives us a better view of how they really act, because they cannot pretend in front of people who already know them.

Prayer:

Father God, the devastation of divorce causes us to doubt our self, fear the future and believe that we will be lonely and unhappy for the rest of our life. Teach us that You are our mate and that You will provide for all of our needs, even the intimacy, which we crave (Isaiah 54:5; John 17:21). You stick closer to us than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). You care about all of our needs; so remind us to cast our cares on You, rather than to seek a mate too quickly and to marry out of Your will for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Thought for the Day:

Many people spend half of their life looking for love, but when they put their trust in God, He brings their true love along in His timing and way.

More info at:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/faith/christian_singles/being_single_and_faithful/reentering_the_dating_scene_after_divorce.aspx

Spiritual Red Flags

Negative emotions are a red flag that something is wrong in our soul. It may be abuse from someone in our life, or society putting undue stress on us, or we may encounter an unsafe person or an experience, which causes anger to rise up in us. This happens to protect us from some perceived harm. We could also be reaping the results of our own fleshly pursuits. Negative emotions also arise when God’s will for us upsets us and reveals some idol in our life.

Our emotional red flags alert us to physical or emotional harm, erroneous beliefs, an ungodly goal or an area taking us away from God’s will. We may also feel discouraged, angry or upset because we are hungry, sleep deprived, ignored, away from the comfort of home, lonely, etc. Often a simple meal, a nap, gaining someone’s attention, meeting a new friend or going to the comfort of home will dispel these negative emotions.

If not, then get into a quiet place and reconnect with God’s Spirit, step out of your carnal, fleshly mindset and look for God’s miracle in the circumstances. When our negative emotions indicate an idol in our motives, thinking or aspirations, or reveal to us our negative spiritual attitude and focus, we can seek God’s Spirit to pluck these disturbing menaces from our soul. Once we are willing to work out our own salvation, God’s Spirit delivers us from our self (Philippians 2:12-13).

Prior to Salvation, we conformed to the image of this carnal, depraved world, but now God calls us to allow His Spirit to transform our mind and behavior and to make us holy, acceptable and perfect in God’s sight. He gives us His spirit of wisdom and revelation as we come to know Him more intimately. He enlightens our eyes to discern between various levels of evil and holiness, and to flee from evil.

By His death on Calvary’s cross, Jesus Christ set us free from the Law of Sin and Death by replacing it with the Law of the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:2). He removes all condemnation from us caused by our past sin and failings (Romans 8:1). He includes us in His family and makes us co-heirs with Jesus of all that He owns (Ephesians 2:19; Romans 8:17; Psalm 50:10). He calls us to imitate Him as His Beloved children (Ephesians 5:1).

Prayer:

Father God, we die to our self by denying our flesh in simple areas, such as that second piece of cake. Then we soon develop less of a desire for carnal appetites and attitudes, and more of a desire to live in submission to Your will. From this, we reap intimacy with You and have fewer areas in our life, on which the devil can feed (John 14:30). We start this walk of total dependence on You by developing quiet times in our daily schedule in order to sit in Your presence. Remind us to spend our day in praise for who You are and all that You do for us.

Thought for the Day:

As we humbly submit to God’s control over our life, He fills us with the power of His Spirit, such as was resident in the Apostles after Pentecost. - Acts 2:41

Spiritual Poison

We all know that there are plants and chemicals that can poison our body. We do everything in our power to avoid poisoning our self and our loved ones, even our pets. However, did you know that you could poison your spiritual life as well? Negative emotions are toxic to both our soul and spirit. They are red flags to alert us to some turmoil in our subconscious mind. We are ignoring the thoughts that feed these negative sentiments. Yet, our emotions pick up on them and try to force us to pay attention to and resolve them.

Some people with phlegmatic personalities are able to process incidents as they occur and forgive and forget. Yet, some with melancholy personalities hold a grudge and stay bitter for years. Then choleric people often stuff the incident and move right on without dealing with the emotional firestorm caused by these conflicts. The sanguine individual may philosophize and chalk the incident up as the other person’s problem. No matter what personality type we have, however, we all experience conflicts in our life that wound us deeply and need to be healed.

If we follow the trail from the negative emotion back into the past, we find not one, but many instances that built up over the years to bring us to the place where they are now surfacing in our daily interactions. Yet, we often continue to suppress them. Our dreams and nightmares also warn us of these unresolved conflicts, but we ignore them as well. I came to a place in my life where I could no longer tolerate the grouchiness, over-sensitivity, self-pity and hair-trigger anger that crept from my past into my day and spoiled life for me.

Thankfully, I learned to sit in a quiet place with my journal and to allow God to direct my soul as it empties itself of its burdens! If we stay quiet long enough to hear God’s Spirit, He will direct us from one incident to the next that caused the build up of these negative emotions. Write down in your journal everything that comes to your mind, even if it does not make sense. Alcoholics Anonymous calls this a searching moral inventory. God will shine His light on the memories where He wants you to go in order to achieve the resolution of these unsettled issues.

Prayer:

Father God, we thank You for willingly exposing the lies Satan convinced us of during the traumatic times in our life. We thank You for Your truth, which sets us free (John 8:32). Help us to freely forgive the offenders in our life, or to ask for forgiveness in the areas where we hurt someone else. In this way, You set us free from bondage to these negative emotions. Even if the offended party will not forgive us, we are free before You of all of our offenses.

Thought for the Day:

Following the path of these negative emotions to the root experience, which is causing them, is the only way to find spiritual, mental, emotional and ultimately physical health.

 

 

 

Thank you, Matt Milligan, for the use of your photo.
http://www.mattmilliganphotography.com/