A Good Marriage - In Crisis

A crisis in a marriage calls for immediate action. We can either drift apart ending in bitterness, unforgiveness and probably divorce; or we can pull together, brainstorm for an equitable solution and pray together as we walk in the Spirit.

Divorce is never an option. It destroys lives - especially the life of the children involved in the marriage. They often feel abandoned, at fault for the divorce, and they inevitably question their parents' love for them.

They never learn to resolve conflict in their own relationships and often end up with the same results. Thankfully, a few of them will make wise choices and find mates that balance their personality or are willing to compromise and find common ground.

There is nothing more fulfilling in this earthly realm than to have a mate that cherishes us and thinks of us above him/her self. One that will laugh with us - not at us, enjoy hobbies together and serve God right alongside each other.

There is no fear in this type of love. We have the confidence that our partner will not throw us away like a sack of trash. They will help us to overcome our fears and insecurities and to love us in spite of them.

It is hard to feel secure when our partner does not allow unconditional love to flow from them to us. We are always on edge and never sure of our place in their heart, because we feel their condescension and derision.

God's love is unconditional. A commitment of Agape love in our marriage, shown in action and especially in word, will eradicate our fears and insecurities and give us a solid faith on which to stand (1 John 4:18).

We can count on Him to walk in and with us through every trial we experience in our marriage (Isaiah 43:1; Psalm 23:4). He infuses both marriage partners with His fruit in order to dwell together with understanding and unity.

Prayer:

Father God, an anxious heart wears us down, but consistent love from our mate goes a long way in building us up (Proverbs 12:25). Remind us not to allow discouragement in a troubled marriage to tear us down, because You are always with us and in us regardless of where we are and with whom we live (Joshua 1:9).

Help us not to worry when our mate grows distant from us, because You care for us and will work in our life for our ultimate good (Matthew 6:34; Romans 8:28; Isaiah 35:4; Luke 12:22-26). We humble our self before You and leave all of our worries in Your capable hands, because You care about us and will deliver us in Your timing and way (1 Peter 5:6-7; Psalm 55:22; Deuteronomy 31:6).

Thought for the Day:

The Lord is our Savior, not another person, vocation, place or thing; only He can provide us with the security and fulfillment that we long to possess during this lifetime. - Psalm 27:1

Spectating or Serving

The church is the Body and Bride of Christ, commissioned to carry the gospel into all the world, and especially in our local community. We reach out with the gospel of Christ to friends, relatives, work and hobby associates and neighbors (Mark 16:15-16).

We serve in one ministry in our local church as the Lord calls us to assist, working in an area in which we are interested, and remaining faithful to that calling until God directs us to serve in a new direction in our church body (Romans 12:4-5).

When we see a need, or something that is blocking the growth of our church family, rather than complaining, ridiculing and looking for another church, we put our hand to the plow and help to change things for the better.

This may require that we increase our financial giving, spend more time supporting the church leadership and ministries, taking the initiative to ask the leadership the ways in which we can be the most help to the Body and allowing them to equip us for this ministry.

We do not expect our church to have the personality, ministries, outreach and worship identical to every other church in town, because God gives each congregation His own unique flavor to meet the need for which He designed our particular congregation.

We faithfully pray to the Lord of the Harvest to bring workers into the field; and we serve as an example of a loving, outreaching, soul-winning, hardworking member of the local church where God calls us.

When we do this, we see God's hand faithfully supplying all the needs in our life and in the life of that congregation; and we feel blessed to be a part of His work in our community as we partake in the ministries of the family of God meeting in the facilities which God provided and for which we care and contribute towards.

Prayer:

Father God, raise up congregations across the nation that are committed to one another as Your family. It is so easy for a person to divorce a congregation and go across town to find one that better suits their needs, with no regard to Your will for them in service to that original congregation. Help us to covenant together in faith and to fellowship around the Gospel instead of the worship or preaching style, the size of the bulletin or the amount of lights and instruments used on the stage.

Teach us to agree on the central truths of Your Word and to live by these truths rather than by our personal preferences and carnal desires. Inform us about the true meaning of our spiritual gifts and help us to find a place to use those gifts for the mutual edification of the Body in which You call us to serve.

Remind us that contrary to popular belief, the church is not a gathering of spectators called to criticize the music, minister and ministries of a particular congregation. Before we were even conceived, You called us and placed us in a certain church in order to serve the Body in any needed ministry to which you call us (Ephesians 2:10).

Thought for the Day:

We do not discriminate in the fellowship of the church, but we include every race, nationality, dialect and personality; however, we do insist on members adhering to the primary principles of the scripture and living according to its dictates rather than the liberal, all-inclusive attitude of the world today; everyone is welcome to attend, but God only offers membership in His family to adherents of Biblical Truth.

Married, but Lonely

There are TV shows, websites and dating services that encourage married people to find companionship. Their mates are too busy or uninterested to spend time with them, so they seek attention elsewhere.

Like most men, when my former husband had time off, he spent it in his chair - reading, watching TV, surfing the internet and playing electronic games.

I would sit with him to watch TV shows that he was interested in and which did not bore me to death or inflict my soul with grief. However, I actually felt unappreciated, taken for granted and neglected.

I was reduced to cook, housekeeper and a roommate. We had rare times of companionship, but no real relationship. I thanked my husband for every moment he did spend talking to me.

However, I eventually started to seriously communicate that I needed more of his time and attention, especially as our children left home for college. He called me demanding and resented me for wanting him to spend quality time with me.

He ended up divorcing me and relishing his time alone, free from marital expectations and relationship. A few years later, God brought a new man into my life.

He too was preoccupied with work and hobbies; although he obviously cherished and appreciated me. I often felt lonely in this relationship too and wondered if all couples experienced this drought of affection and attention.

I started making specific requests for his undivided attention and gave him ideas on how I would like to spend that time. He made sporadic attempts to give me a few moments of time in his busy schedule.

It took about 5 years for him to realize that he enjoyed our times together as much as I did. He started to schedule time for me into his calendar without me having to ask, and he kept those appointments.

We took strolls in nature, sat on the porch rockers, did chores around the house together, snuggled in his chair or stretched out on the couch or bed to talk for a few minutes now and then throughout the week.

We went on dates to local restaurants, attended city functions together, sat together at extra-curricular church events, started regular devotions together, read the same books and conversed about them, spontaneously discussed current events, and shared what we were learning in our daily quiet times.

Nothing extravagant or expensive, just frequent little moments of togetherness every day that meant so much to both of us. He stopped taking me for granted and noticed when I needed help.

Over the years, he increased these little thoughtful, nurturing gestures that I cherish. He opened car doors, carried heavy boxes, engaged me in conversations throughout the day, told me frequently that he loved me, and complimented me on my outfits and hair.

Whenever he went to the refrigerator for a snack or drink, he offered to get me something too. When he had time, he often asked if I needed help with a chore or fixing a meal.

He carried in the groceries and took them out of the bags to make it easier for me to put them away. He even started writing me love notes when he sent me his Bible verses to make slides for his Sunday sermon.

Our love flourishes under this constant state of blessing one another with thoughtful gestures of kindness and concern. We grow more in love with the Lord and one another each and every day.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for a husband who dwells with me with understanding and does not view my requests for attention as demands and unrealistic expectations - a husband who learned to appreciate and cherish me and our times together.

Thank You for using us as an example to younger couples and engaged couples; so they too can learn to cherish each other and not to take one another for granted. Make us a light in the world of darkness and use us to do Your will with every moment of our life.

Thought for the Day:

Taking each other for granted is never acceptable behavior; instead, constantly appreciate one another and share acts of love and kindness at every opportunity.

The Healing Journey - Part 1 - The Schizophrenic Bride

As a young bride of 20 years old, I wanted to be the perfect wife. As a co-dependent, I did not want to nag or disagree - so that my husband would love me.

My uncle told me that if I was even half the wife my mother was to my dad, I'd be a great wife; so not to worry. I did learn a great deal about being a loving and submissive wife from my mom.

She lived with a manic-depressive husband. She learned to soothe the savage beast in him; but she had to learn not to take his words and behavior to heart.

She had her own interests and pursued them with a passion; yet, was home every day when her four children returned from school; and she had supper ready every night when my dad walked into the house from work.

As I started my new life as a wife, I would wince and swallow every hurt, disappointment, deprivation, abuse and neglect without saying a word, just as I learned from my mom.

I stuffed my feelings and opinions too. However, the trouble with me started because my threshold for pain was too low and my Italian temper, inherited from my dad, flared up too quickly.

I eventually started blowing up like a volcano, and then instantly cooled; but I did not realize the deep scars, which my outburst left on my husband's soul. He thought I acted like a schizophrenic.

I was sweet and caring most of the time; and then without warning, I erupted at what seemed like the slightest provocation without any apparent reason.

This problem arose because of all of the power of all of that internalized pain. The full force came out in an Italian temper tantrum when I finally did blow over the last straw - which actually did appear - to any by-stander - to be a very small and inconsequential provocation.

I lived broken, fearful and insecure like this for 22 years of marriage until my former husband decided I was too wounded for him to live with any longer. He saw no option for us but divorce.

God used my husband divorcing me as my breaking point to help me to totally surrender my life to Him. With no job or alimony, I faced the future in total dependence on God and He proved Himself more than faithful.

I clung to Christ with every rasping breath and God redeemed my life yet again. He sent me to a minister who helped me to heal from my past; and He turned my mourning into dancing and restored to me all of the years, which the canker worm destroyed (Joel 2:25).

Prayer:

Father God, no one is perfect in this life. We are all products of our upbringing, but we are responsible for our responses to life as they occur. Although we try to overcome or hide them, we drag our wounds around with us like hindering baggage. Show us clearly that Satan's lies are keeping us linked to these wounds from our past, buried deeply within our subconscious mind.

Thank You for teaching us to recognize these lies, to hear Your truth about them and to discard them as we walk away from them with healing from Your wings (Malachi 4:2). We live to serve You another day with all of the fullness of Your Holy Spirit within us. ( www.theophostic.com )

Thought for the Day:

God works out even the most debilitating circumstances in our life for our ultimate good. - Romans 8:28