Most couples dearly love one another, but have a hard time
expressing their deepest feelings. They desperately want their mate to know and
love them, but have no clue how to show or share their feelings. We take each
other for granted and settle into a stale rut. The old joke states, "I
told you that I love you when I married you; and if I change my mind, I will
let you know."
Unrealistic expectations prior to marriage often ruin a
couple's chance at happiness in the marriage. No one can possibly live up to
the fairy tale romance we dream about or be the person someone else expects us
to be. Many people think that they will change their mate once they get
married. One man put it this way, "Honey, what you see is what you get. I'm
not changing for anyone or for any reason."
We end up frustrated, angry, resentful and feeling
hopeless, because we are always arguing. If we realize that we are both human,
we can both relax a bit. We all have foibles and idiosyncrasies, which make us
the unique person that we are. Rather than insisting on our own way, we can
find a third choice, which meets both of our needs.
The key to a happy marriage is honest communication. Not
brutal honesty, but loving, confident, uncritical expressions of what we want
and need. We do not like to guess what our mate expects or is thinking. It puts
undo stress on a couple to try to predict what gift our mate wants for special
occasions or what behavior they are expecting from us. (
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ )
There are realistic expectations for marriage, however. We
need the same goals, dreams and principles. We need to have similar ideas on
raising children, where to worship and how to spend money. We need to laugh
together, play together and cry together. We need someone who will accept us as
we are and who will support us through the hard times, someone who will love us
for a lifetime.
Prayer:
Father God, we know without a doubt that Your love for us
is the most fulfilling and the most urgent of our human needs. You do not love
us for how we perform, because You loved us while we were still depraved
sinners (Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:10). You gave us the desire to
love and to be loved. Remind us to seek Your will for our potential mate and to
receive Godly counsel before making the final decision. Thank You for never
leaving or forsaking us (Hebrews 13:5).
Thought for the Day:
Both men and women thrive on praise and affirmation, rather
than on criticism and unrealistic expectations. - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
