There are TV shows, websites and dating services that encourage married people to find companionship. Their mates are too busy or uninterested to spend time with them, so they seek attention elsewhere.
Like most men, when my former husband
had time off, he spent it in his chair - reading, watching TV, surfing the
internet and playing electronic games.
I would sit with him to watch TV
shows that he was interested in and which did not bore me to death or inflict
my soul with grief. However, I actually felt unappreciated, taken for granted
and neglected.
I was reduced to cook,
housekeeper and a roommate. We had rare times of companionship, but no real
relationship. I thanked my husband for every moment he did spend talking to me.
However, I eventually started to
seriously communicate that I needed more of his time and attention, especially
as our children left home for college. He called me demanding and resented me for
wanting him to spend quality time with me.
He ended up divorcing me and
relishing his time alone, free from marital expectations and relationship. A
few years later, God brought a new man into my life.
He too was preoccupied with work
and hobbies; although he obviously cherished and appreciated me. I often felt
lonely in this relationship too and wondered if all couples experienced this
drought of affection and attention.
I started making specific
requests for his undivided attention and gave him ideas on how I would like to
spend that time. He made sporadic attempts to give me a few moments of time in
his busy schedule.
It took about 5 years for him to
realize that he enjoyed our times together as much as I did. He started to
schedule time for me into his calendar without me having to ask, and he kept
those appointments.
We took strolls in nature, sat on
the porch rockers, did chores around the house together, snuggled in his chair
or stretched out on the couch or bed to talk for a few minutes now and then
throughout the week.
We went on dates to local
restaurants, attended city functions together, sat together at extra-curricular
church events, started regular devotions together, read the same books and conversed
about them, spontaneously discussed current events, and shared what we were
learning in our daily quiet times.
Nothing extravagant or expensive,
just frequent little moments of togetherness every day that meant so much to
both of us. He stopped taking me for granted and noticed when I needed help.
Over the years, he increased
these little thoughtful, nurturing gestures that I cherish. He opened car doors,
carried heavy boxes, engaged me in conversations throughout the day, told me
frequently that he loved me, and complimented me on my outfits and hair.
Whenever he went to the
refrigerator for a snack or drink, he offered to get me something too. When he
had time, he often asked if I needed help with a chore or fixing a meal.
He carried in the groceries and
took them out of the bags to make it easier for me to put them away. He even
started writing me love notes when he sent me his Bible verses to make slides for
his Sunday sermon.
Our love flourishes under this
constant state of blessing one another with thoughtful gestures of kindness and
concern. We grow more in love with the Lord and one another each and every day.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You for a
husband who dwells with me with understanding and does not view my requests for
attention as demands and unrealistic expectations - a husband who learned to
appreciate and cherish me and our times together.
Thank You for using us as an
example to younger couples and engaged couples; so they too can learn to
cherish each other and not to take one another for granted. Make us a light in
the world of darkness and use us to do Your will with every moment of our life.
Thought for the Day:
Taking each other for granted is
never acceptable behavior; instead, constantly appreciate one another and share
acts of love and kindness at every opportunity.
