As
a child, I felt insecure and fearful about tomorrow. I desperately attempted to
control my life in order to feel as safe as is humanly possible. I did not want
to leave anything to chance, because it usually turned out badly. I focused
inwardly and took care of my own business.
Introverted
and analytical, I lived a very cautious life with intense self-discipline and
attention to details, so I would not cause anyone to get upset with me. I
disliked change of any kind and I reacted in anger when my security was
threatened in any way.
My
favorite activity was to sit in our giant China-berry tree in our back yard,
engrossed in a book until sunset. I also enjoyed crafts of all kinds. My mom
and grandmother taught me to do needlework, and I learned to do many other crafts
from the instructions in library books.
Throughout
childhood, I was way too sensitive, felt too deeply and cared too much. I had
no real friends except my cousins and my Girl Scout troop. I had no dreams or
aspirations, except making it through the day in relative peace and calm. These
traits followed me all through high school.
In
adulthood, my loyalty to God, friends and family served me well as a Born Again
Believer. I do not need many friends, but I am merciful, caring and loyal
to all of my acquaintances. I am still easily embarrassed and shy. I feel
overwhelmed in a group and I prefer talking to people one-on-one.
However,
God impressed on me the importance of stepping out of my shy persona and
allowing His Spirit to minister to people through me. Ironically, He called me to serve Him as a greeter in social gatherings, and as a Pastor’s wife, living in the
limelight under microscopic scrutiny.
Prayer:
Father
God, thank You for using these years of my life to transform me with the mind
of Christ. My penchant for perfectionism made me, and everyone around me, tense
and uptight, until You mercifully delivered me from that demonic plague. You
taught me that doing my best was all that anyone could ever expect from me. Then,
You took it one step further and encouraged me to walk in Your Spirit as You
transform my life into a new creation.
Thought
for the Day:
In
Christ, our old personality is dead and we no longer live for our self, because
the Spirit of God abides within us and we are buried in Christ and raised to
walk in a new life. – 2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 6:4
