It is a known fact that second marriages are not any more successful than our first marriage that ended in divorce or the death of our loved one. This is caused by a phenomenon called “rebounding” and possibly even a “fairy tale view” of what we think marriage should be.
Too often, a divorcee or widow will run from one marriage to another. They do not allow themselves time to recover mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually from the initial abandonment or emotional loss before jumping into another wedding. This causes them to haul the heavy baggage of their unresolved conflicts into their next marriage.
Some people worry about being alone for the rest of their life, and they marry the first person who is kind to them or who has the physical attributes that attract them. The mental health experts all advise us to date many people for six months or more. This gives us an extensive idea of what type of person we can enjoy, get along with, and live with on a daily basis.
Loneliness or fear may cause us to marry the same type of person that just divorced us or passed away. Many divorcees and widows ignore the red flags, which pop up with a new person. The anger in their voice, the controlling attitude, the slight irritation or disappointment, the selfish decisions, their lack of interest about what concerns us, the absence of warm affection, the broken promises, etc. are all red flags to alert us to the person's real personality.
They may mask their true identity for a while, but once they know they won our affections, they gradually let their guard down. So, when we find someone who really interests us, we should casually date them as a potential mate for three months first; and then at least three more months of seeing the person every day with their family, friends, and workmates.
This gives us a better view of how they really act, because they cannot pretend in front of people who already know them well. Some people even prowl around looking to marry people with money so they can take advantage of them.
Giving marriage a second chance requires that we enter a new relationship with our eyes wide open. Listening to God’s Spirit will prevent us from being blindsided with another major financial as well as emotional loss. God may use us without a mate in this new chapter in our life. He has plans for us that are for our good.
When we follow God's plans for us instead of our carnal instincts, and evil and deceitful heart (Jeremiah 17:9-10), He will provide for us better than we can in our finite scope of life. He will also give us the opportunity to deepen our intimate union with Him during this time by our self, which is the greatest gift we can ever receive this side of heaven.
Prayer:
Father God, the devastation of divorce or the death of our beloved spouse causes us to doubt our self, fear the future, and believe that we will be lonely and unhappy for the rest of our life. Teach us that You are our mate and that You will provide for all our needs, even the intimacy, which we crave (Isaiah 54:5; John 17:21). You stick closer to us than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).
You care about all our needs; so remind us to cast our cares on You, rather than to seek a mate too quickly and to marry out of Your will for us (1 Peter 5:7). Remind us that wisely using the time after a divorce or the death of our loved one gives us the opportunity to increase the depth of our relationship with You – the true Lover of our soul. You are amazing, God, and we worship You with our whole heart.
Thought for the Day:
Many people unsuccessfully spend life looking for love; however, when we put our trust in God, He showers us with His unconditional agape love, and eventually may bring a reliable mate along for us in His timing and way. We can spend the time after a loss to make new friends, develop new hobbies, increase our exercise time, and serve in the ministries of our church family. These all increase our feelings of self-worth and help us to heal from the wounds of loss, rejection, and abandonment.
