When we are attacked for our choices and feelings, God calls us to fight with spiritual weapons, not carnal, human ones. Our warfare is not against a person, but against the spiritual powers, which operate behind the scenes and through people. Realizing who the real enemy is enables us to fight with the spiritual weapons the Lord gives us (2 Corinthians 10:4).
My father reacted to life as a bipolar, rage-aholic. In my younger years, I compliantly did as I was told; but with age, I copied his behavior and I stood up for myself. I used anger to protect my interests when anyone made a decision that affected me without consulting me, or when they did not listen to my feelings or my needs, discounted or ignored me, or did not take me seriously.
After I surrendered my life to Christ, I still used anger to make people take me seriously. What I did not realize is that anger is not God's way (James 1:20). Anger manipulated me into acting as a tool of the devil. He discouraged and wounded people through my outbursts of anger. The root of any issue goes deeper than human decisions, personalities, schedules, and life choices.
With time, I learned to gain the person's undivided attention and to express very firmly that my needs are either not negotiable, or that an alternate decision needs to be made with which I am comfortable. This is an effective method if the other person is spirit-led and listens to my needs, does not discount or ignore me, and takes me seriously.
Otherwise, I make it very clear, without anger, that I am upset about the decision being made; and I will make alternative decisions, which will provide for my needs. Divorce is rarely necessary or an option, and quitting a job before securing another one is not advisable.
However, we can protect our self from another person's upsetting decisions and behavior, by journaling, by getting counseling, and by using a time of separation to work out the opposing issues needing reconciliation. As we bathe this unacceptable decision in prayer, God intervenes for us or shows us and our spouse how to find a third alternative that is acceptable to both of us (Genesis 20:2-120.
Prayer:
Father God, remind us that we are all living in spiritual warfare (1 Peter 5:8). If Satan can use some decision to split a relationship, he will do it. Your Word tells us to turn the other cheek and to go the extra mile (Matthew 5:39); but after we do this, we often need to take a stand. Help us to journal our feelings to reduce their intensity, to pray about the situation, and to ask You to intervene on our behalf.
Then remind us that we can try to communicate our needs once again. Help us to see that a period of separation for the purpose of reconciliation may allow both parties to live apart for a time, to get counseling, and to find a way to resolve the issue which is causing us grief. There is usual not a right and wrong way, just personal preferences. Therefore, seeking You together about any matter causing discord will more easily resolve the disagreement and set our feet on the same path.
Thought for the Day:
Put the devil to flight and preserve your marriage and other relationships by preferring one another, never insisting on your own way, laying down both sets of preferences and finding a third alternative with which you can both live happily. God always has a perfect plan for every decision we ever have to make, so waiting on His direction is always preferable.
- James 4:7
