A Good Marriage - Ending the Charades

Living behind masks is a common practice in today's society. We emulate successful people and, in the process, abandon our true self - sticking him/her in a closet in the deep recesses of our soul.

The mistake is that we do not realize that eventually we will tire of the facadei and our true self will express our real thoughts and feelings and then make vital choices that effect everything about us.

Initially, we are drawn to our mate by what we perceive as true. When our mate's facade begins to crack, we are disillusioned and maybe even dismayed by what we find inside.

A closet drinker, drug addict, over-eater, underachiever, work-a-holic, control freak, couch potato, criticizer, bully, etc. may come creeping out, and we realize we were fooled. This is when the fighting begins in the marriage.

If we have a prophetic nature, we may tend to point out the basic base nature of our spouse. This may cause him/her to feel criticized; so that they will point out to us all of our faults and imperfections. Hurt feelings, anger and arguments ensue.

Actually, realizing what we need to work on is a good thing and we can hold each other accountable. Mutually discovering short-comings will stop the charade in our marriage and enable us to relax more and find more comfort in our relationship.

Counseling will help us to adjust to and accept these negative character traits in our self and in our mate as we attempt to surrender our life to God's sanctifying work.

If our partner attends counseling too, this may help to free him/her from their negative weaknesses as well. This unbiased, professional input will help both of us to improve our idiosyncrasies, develop more character in each of us and help us to live with God's Agape love toward each other.

We will grow more intimate in our relationship and have more light to shine into the dark world around us in order to bring others to Christ. Passion will rise and the routine of life will have more variety and pizzazz.

Prayer:

Father God, the fruit of Your Spirit will grow within each of us and meld us into one flesh in Christ, who abides within us. Remind us that as we embrace Christ in us, Your Spirit transforms us with the mind of Christ into His divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).

Show us that an uncovered relationship allows us and our partner to feel more loved by each other, to receive more affirmation for who we really are, to diminish the pressure of hiding behind masks, and to set us free to be human.

Thought for the Day:

As we live in the moment, we fear less and love more; experiencing through Christ in us a deeper, fulfilled life that does not need to hide behind masks in order to be accepted. 

Admitting Faults

"I was wrong" is the hardest sentence in the English language to say. Due to perceived, as well as legitimate wounds in our past, we are afraid to admit that we have faults.

We think that we have to be perfect in order to be loved; and that we must earn the love, which we need, by making other people happy and proud of us.

We fear rejection so much that we will make excuses or lie to cover up our faults and mistakes. We wear masks so that people do not know who we really are.

If we admit that we did something inappropriate, we may fall into the black hole of condemnation and shame, which nips at our toes and plots ways to swallow us whole.

If we agree that we are wrong, we will topple over the edge of the dark abyss of shame, and we will be trapped, hopeless, useless and totally rejected forever.

In order to escape the bottomless pit of shame, we either do our best to become invisible, or fight tooth and nail to retain some semblance of order in our life, or hide behind a wall of pride and arrogance.

Bullies are motivated from their fear and insecurity. They surround themselves with controllable people who have qualities, which they feel they lack. When they hurt others, they feel powerful and in control of at least one part of their life.

Once we come to Christ for forgiveness, He exposes Satan's lies and frees us from the evil task master of shame. Then we no longer experience the devil's condemnation (Romans 8:1).

If we could be perfect, Christ would not have suffered that horrendous crucifixion. Through His sacrifice, we enter His rest and are able to breathe unhindered by stress, fear and insecurities.

If one person abandons us, or turns against us, we have a whole family of Believers who will love us for who we are, even with all of our faults, insecurities and over-reactions (Ephesians 4:32).

Prayer:

Father God, often another person's wounds expose our wounds and weaknesses, and we fear rejection. Therefore, we walk away from them, before they get a chance to reject us. We dispose of them from our life, rather than working out our issues together.

Help us to look deeper, beneath the surface of a person's words and actions, to see the real person, which they are hiding behind their false facade. Remind us to show mercy and grace to everyone, and not to reject someone just because they are wounded.

Thought for the Day:

Make allowances for one another's faults and idiosyncrasies; so, that if someone offends you, you can forgive them time and time again, as you help to strengthen them to feel secure through God's love within you. 

- Matthew 18:21-22; Colossians 3:13