A Good Marriage - Ending the Charades

Living behind masks is a common practice in today's society. We emulate successful people and, in the process, abandon our true self - sticking him/her in a closet in the deep recesses of our soul.

The mistake is that we do not realize that eventually we will tire of the facadei and our true self will express our real thoughts and feelings and then make vital choices that effect everything about us.

Initially, we are drawn to our mate by what we perceive as true. When our mate's facade begins to crack, we are disillusioned and maybe even dismayed by what we find inside.

A closet drinker, drug addict, over-eater, underachiever, work-a-holic, control freak, couch potato, criticizer, bully, etc. may come creeping out, and we realize we were fooled. This is when the fighting begins in the marriage.

If we have a prophetic nature, we may tend to point out the basic base nature of our spouse. This may cause him/her to feel criticized; so that they will point out to us all of our faults and imperfections. Hurt feelings, anger and arguments ensue.

Actually, realizing what we need to work on is a good thing and we can hold each other accountable. Mutually discovering short-comings will stop the charade in our marriage and enable us to relax more and find more comfort in our relationship.

Counseling will help us to adjust to and accept these negative character traits in our self and in our mate as we attempt to surrender our life to God's sanctifying work.

If our partner attends counseling too, this may help to free him/her from their negative weaknesses as well. This unbiased, professional input will help both of us to improve our idiosyncrasies, develop more character in each of us and help us to live with God's Agape love toward each other.

We will grow more intimate in our relationship and have more light to shine into the dark world around us in order to bring others to Christ. Passion will rise and the routine of life will have more variety and pizzazz.

Prayer:

Father God, the fruit of Your Spirit will grow within each of us and meld us into one flesh in Christ, who abides within us. Remind us that as we embrace Christ in us, Your Spirit transforms us with the mind of Christ into His divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).

Show us that an uncovered relationship allows us and our partner to feel more loved by each other, to receive more affirmation for who we really are, to diminish the pressure of hiding behind masks, and to set us free to be human.

Thought for the Day:

As we live in the moment, we fear less and love more; experiencing through Christ in us a deeper, fulfilled life that does not need to hide behind masks in order to be accepted. 

The Plague of Loneliness

Too often, a person is devastated by divorce, or tired of the single life, and they will cling to the first person who shows them kindness and love. These "saviors" are often wolves in sheep's clothing and prey on vulnerable divorcees in order to take advantage of their earthly resources, robbing them of their life's savings, car, home and worldly goods.

This disheartens the single person and leaves the divorcee devastated, wounded and disillusioned all over again. Pay attention to every red flag that pops up during your interaction with any new person in your life. How do they respond in a crisis? What is their emotional personality – do they react in anger or do they stuff their emotions?

Are you really compatible with this person, or are you just lonely and not wanting to live alone? It is far better to live alone than to shackle yourself to someone out of the will of God (Proverbs 21:9, 25:24; Proverbs 17:1). Be involved with this new person. Spend time around his/her family and friends. Do they act the same way around them that they do around you?

Are their words, actions and personality, which they are projecting to you, the same around people who know them well? What expressions do you see in their face and body language? What hint of exasperation, meanness or controlling is in their voice inflections and words? If you feel any caution in your soul or spirit about this person, keep the relationship casual.

Wait on the Lord’s direction. He may move you on to someone new. Spend time alone with God and allow Him to be your best friend and the Lover of your soul (Isaiah 54:5; Proverbs 18:24). Develop a friendship and genuine caring relationship with any potential mate, or your new marriage may not weather life’s storms, and it could end in divorce.

Prayer:

Father God, loneliness often drives both single people and divorcees into an unwise marriage. They are as unhappy in this marriage as they were as a single person or in their first marriage. Remind us that loneliness is a choice, not a state of being. We can join group activities to cultivate joy in our life. Help us to send our roots down deeper in our relationship with You instead of looking for love in all the wrong places. We need to wait on You, because You have a perfect plan for our life (Ephesians 2:10).

Thought for the Day:

We can find fulfillment through service to God, His church and our community instead of rebounding or settling, and expecting the illusion of a perfect marriage to eradicate our feelings of loneliness and a lack of contentment.

Filling the Void

Read: Read Galatians 2:20-21

“They are empty, void, destroyed, deserted and demolished. Their hearts melt with fear, their knees knock together in exhaustion, their bodies and faces have grown pale with anxiety.” – Nahum 2:10 (various translations)

A young woman shared her heart with me during a mentoring session by saying, “I have a void inside of me. I want my husband to fill that void, but he is just too selfish and self-centered.” She felt lonely and unfulfilled.

Single people often relate to me that they long for a deep connection with another human being. Yet, as we see by this woman's confession, even married couples feel lonely. Sometimes their spouse is actually sitting in the very same room with them, but they are not connecting, not filling one another with love and contentment. As wonderful as a mate can be, however, even as nurturing and attentive and caring as they might act, sometimes he/she just cannot fill the blank hole in our heart. 

Only Christ within us fills this empty void in our life. He is the only One who can love us from the inside out! No earthly relationship can ever come from within us (John 14:17). Christ within us is our hope of glory (Colossians 1: 27). Only our relationship with the Lord of love, living and dwelling inside of us, can bring us this level of intimacy and fulfillment, which we human beings so deeply desire. From within our spirit His comfort brings delight to our thoughts and emotions  (Psalm 94:19). Christ’s presence in us also affects our physical health, as well as our soul and spirit (Romans 8:11).

The still, small sanctuary within our spirit is the only place where we can find true empathy and solace from the God who loves us more than life itself. When we enter this "inner closet," we strip away all confusion and clutter from our soul. We empty ourselves of our selfish desires and ambitions and chaotic thoughts (Galatians 5:24). Then, we focus solely on the voice of our Beloved. We bask in the rays of His joy and peace, as we seek His direction for each moment of our day.

Then, when we continue in the life to which God called us, we have renewed power to meet the needs within our own life, as well as in the lives of those He sends our way. We can forgive, nurture, empathize, and minister to ourselves and others by the strength of God and the direction of His Holy Spirit. This is fulfilling indeed!

If we pray as He prayed in the Garden prior to His crucifixion, “Lord, not my will, but Thy will be done”, that prayer will never fail. As we seek His kingdom, He always gives us what we need spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

If you are married and disillusioned or disappointed with your mate, this same prayer will change your relationship, because it will change your attitude and then your heart. If you are single and looking for a mate, then seeking first the will of God for your life is the only way to bring you to the place where you can meet the man/woman He has chosen for you. My husband and I met at Books-a-Million bookstore. God led us both there on the same night at the same time. What are the odds of that happening? With God, all things are possible.

I have heard it said that each partner in a relationship must be whole in Christ before they come together. Having a saving relationship with God is the first and foremost relationship we should cultivate in our own life. Then, only as we seek God’s will together, will we ever find the type of fulfillment we crave, both in our relationship with God and then with one another.  

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, Your presence in us is our only hope of glory both in this world and the next. As we focus on this concept, You bring us the fulfillment and purpose we crave in this life. You avert our attention from ourselves and our perceived lack in body and soul to the nurturing fulfillment, which You provide in our lives. You give us "rest for our souls"; and in You we lack no good thing.

Thought for the Day:

Jesus satisfies our longing and He fills our hungry soul.

Go With The Flow

Read: Psalm 119: 116-126

“You will keep on guiding me all my life with your wisdom and counsel, and afterwards receive me into the glories of heaven!” Psalm 73:24 (TLB)

Anxiety drives us to try to control our life. In seeking freedom from the intensity of our fears, we keep tabs on everyone and everything in our sphere of influence. We exhibit a bossy, controlling, sometimes bombastic attitude in our attempt to keep people from hurting us. We fear the unknown and try to manage every aspect of our life to ensure tranquility.

However, no amount of self-effort guarantees us a peaceful life. All of our expended effort eventually crumbles at our feet, leaving us disillusioned and hopeless. Only God gives us the assurance we crave. His Word promises His provision for us on a daily basis. He gives us serenity, which is the exact opposite of anxiety.

If His kingdom is our desire instead of our own success, He will not allow our hopes to be dashed against the rocks of the circumstances we encounter. God ensures our well-being as we serve Him. He prevents the arrogant and the liar from oppressing us. He deals with us according to His loving kindness. He teaches us His commandments and writes them on our hearts to prevent us from sinning against Him. His great peace envelops us and nothing can make us fall or even stub our toe upon the impediments of adversity.

If we rest in God’s promises, we have nothing to fear. He supplies all of our needs according to His riches, mercy and grace. We can “Go With the Flow” of the Holy Spirit, moment by moment throughout the day and rest in His abundant love.

Prayer ~ Lord, help me to relinquish control of my life and to give You the reigns. Lead and guide me wherever You choose that I should go and help me to find peace and contentment in Your will.

Thought for the Day ~ Go with the flow of the Holy Spirit, moment by moment throughout the day.