A Good Marriage - Ending the Charades

Living behind masks is a common practice in today's society. We emulate successful people and, in the process, abandon our true self - sticking him/her in a closet in the deep recesses of our soul.

The mistake is that we do not realize that eventually we will tire of the facadei and our true self will express our real thoughts and feelings and then make vital choices that effect everything about us.

Initially, we are drawn to our mate by what we perceive as true. When our mate's facade begins to crack, we are disillusioned and maybe even dismayed by what we find inside.

A closet drinker, drug addict, over-eater, underachiever, work-a-holic, control freak, couch potato, criticizer, bully, etc. may come creeping out, and we realize we were fooled. This is when the fighting begins in the marriage.

If we have a prophetic nature, we may tend to point out the basic base nature of our spouse. This may cause him/her to feel criticized; so that they will point out to us all of our faults and imperfections. Hurt feelings, anger and arguments ensue.

Actually, realizing what we need to work on is a good thing and we can hold each other accountable. Mutually discovering short-comings will stop the charade in our marriage and enable us to relax more and find more comfort in our relationship.

Counseling will help us to adjust to and accept these negative character traits in our self and in our mate as we attempt to surrender our life to God's sanctifying work.

If our partner attends counseling too, this may help to free him/her from their negative weaknesses as well. This unbiased, professional input will help both of us to improve our idiosyncrasies, develop more character in each of us and help us to live with God's Agape love toward each other.

We will grow more intimate in our relationship and have more light to shine into the dark world around us in order to bring others to Christ. Passion will rise and the routine of life will have more variety and pizzazz.

Prayer:

Father God, the fruit of Your Spirit will grow within each of us and meld us into one flesh in Christ, who abides within us. Remind us that as we embrace Christ in us, Your Spirit transforms us with the mind of Christ into His divine nature (2 Peter 1:4).

Show us that an uncovered relationship allows us and our partner to feel more loved by each other, to receive more affirmation for who we really are, to diminish the pressure of hiding behind masks, and to set us free to be human.

Thought for the Day:

As we live in the moment, we fear less and love more; experiencing through Christ in us a deeper, fulfilled life that does not need to hide behind masks in order to be accepted. 

Rejected, but Never Alone

 

Jesus knows how it feels to face rejection from those to whom He poured out His life. He identifies with us when we dedicate our entire life to our family, church family and friends; yet, they walk away from us.

These people do not always respond positively to our presence in their life. Even our closest family members may attempt to wound us with their words and actions to cause us to reject them.

That way they can perceive themselves as the martyr in the relationship.  If, however, we do not reject them, they eventually reject us and accuse us of abusing them.

They want a reason to reject us, so they claim that we are toxic in their life. They discard us and walk away from us. They may think of us from time to time. These memories may even be positive and draw their hearts toward us; but they resist the urge to mend broken fences.

Showering them with God's unconditional Agape love at each door that God opens for us will ensure that they know deep down inside that we are always here for them, regardless of how they treat us.

We may move on with our life and walk through other doors that God provides for us, but we are always sensitive to their needs and respond in love rather than rejection when they happen to reach out to us.

This may restore our relationship with them and increase our ability to live Christ's life in their presence, giving them yet further opportunities to surrender their life to our Savior and King.

However, they may never approach us again - viewing us as dead to them or estranged. During their life, they cut us out of the momentous times in which we could share.

They want nothing to do with us and our special moments. We are rejected, but God never leaves us alone (Hebrews 13:5). He provides His Saints as our family and focus; and His presence in us sustains us throughout our lifetime.

Prayer:

Father God, our relationship with You is our focus in this life and for all eternity. People, places and times here on earth are a vapor on a cold day. Here for a moment and then vanished. Even a mate, parent or child may reject us; but You never leave us alone (Hebrews 13:5). You are the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:7).

Christ is our very life (Colossians 3:4). We need no one and nothing apart from You. You give us all things to enjoy in Your timing and way. If we do not have it, we do not need it, or You would supply it for us. We trust in Your wisdom and goodness.

Thought for the Day:

God holds the key to our relationships, and He decides whom to allow into our life for His reasons and purpose; we can know for certain that He does everything for our ultimate good. - Romans 8:28

Disposable People - Part 1 - Those We Should Protect

There is a lack of commitment, appreciation and selflessness in our culture today. We treat people like a sack of trash and deposit them out on the curb when they no longer meet our needs.

No one is immune to divorce in this modern, disposable society. People want a "do-over." They discard a mate as easily as an old pair of shoes.

I am blown away by the phrases associated with divorce nowadays. "We have a stale marriage", "We hit a dead end", "I am not in love with you anymore", "I see no option for us, but divorce", "We have grown apart", "God wants me to be happy", "I am not attracted to you now", "You are too needy and I can't deal with it."

These are just a few excuses, which I have heard as a Pastor's wife. You may know others. You may have even heard a few of them in your own life.

People trade in their spouse like a used car. When the new model comes along, they have no qualms about making the switch.

They hope that the grass may be greener, or that maybe this new person will fulfill them or make them feel complete. They are willing to take the chance, excited about the possibilities.

Whenever two people marry they may eventually get comfortable, let their guard down and take each other for granted.

They get irritated with each other more often. Resentment grows and even anger. Old wounds from their childhood drive wedges between them unless they get healing for their past.

They may decide they would prefer to live alone than with their mate whom they do not understand and who no longer makes them happy.

They may feel an animal attraction when they meet someone new and wonder about the potential. In today's society of easy-divorce, the sanctity of marriage is part of the past; but divorce is not part of God's plan for us (Malachi 2:16).

Prayer:

Father God, You created each one of us by knitting us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13-14). Even now, You know the exact number of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30). Help us to cherish our intimacy with You and with one another too, and to recognize the beauty and strengths in each other.

Teach us to nurture one another and to appreciate the efforts we make to love each other to the best of our ability.

Remind us that we are all wounded individuals attempting to survive in this painful world, and do not allow us to further wound each other by disposing of one another when our carnal strength fails us.

Remind us to love one another with Your Agape love. Help us to rekindle the flames of human love by doing special random acts of kindness for one another, by dwelling with each other with understanding and by meeting each other's needs above our own.

Thought for the Day:

There are no disposable people. - Malachi 2:16

Renewed Mind - Part 2 - Healing for our Wounded Soul

 

Satan plants lies in our soul throughout the experiences of our life. These misconceptions cause us to over-react irrationally and with intense emotion in our current life situations.

There are personality issues and woundedness in every person’s soul, which may trigger our wounds and hinder us, or our partner, friend or relative from changing or growing spiritually.

We need to see life through their eyes, not only through our own. God will give us His agape love to accept them for exactly who they are. Then we can also pray for them to be all that God wants them to be.

If we put their needs above our own, He gives us the patience to love them through their episodes. We realize that they are reacting from fear and woundedness, which our behavior triggered; and we do not take their rage or sullenness or impatience personally.

We pray for them and love them even more when they are behaving badly than we do when they are rational and kind. They have no idea why they are acting this way, but God does.

All negative behavior is a red flag to alert us of the woundedness in our soul. It may also be a false belief that is now an idol in our soul, because we give our pet peeves and misconceptions too much importance in our life.

We can take these irrational beliefs to God and gain His perspective on them, asking Him to change our focus about them until they lose their importance to us.

During rational moments, when no one is in a hurry or in need of our time, we can offer to pray with our spouse, friend or family member about their negative emotions.

They may be as clueless about their behavior as we are. They can start by journaling what they were thinking during their outburst. What thoughts were going through their mind? What did we do that triggered this reaction in them?

As we pray together, these problems are resolved as God reveals their root and origin, uncovers Satan's lie for us, and then speaks His truth to our soul. ( www.theophostic.com )

Prayer:

Father God, remind us that our soul longs more for a relationship with You than with a person. We often go from one person to another in this life, trying to find our soul mate, or someone to complete us.

Yet, the only way we can feel fulfilled is through deepening our commitment and our relationship with You. This is true even for married people. The more we find acceptance and develop satisfaction in our relationship with You, the more we can serve our mate out of our love for You (Ephesians 5:22, 6:7; Colossians 3:18, 23-24).

Thought for the Day:

Our support and acceptance of our partner’s, friend's or relative's shortcomings will do much to improve our attitude, as well as to improve their behavior through our love and consideration of their needs above our own.