A Word to the Wise

 

As humans, our five senses come in very handy. Too often, however, these same senses are a detriment to us. We spend too much time depending on our natural abilities, which hinder us from trusting totally in God. Too often, we are too quick to speak and to express anger; yet too slow to listen (James 1:19). Silence, in the deepest sense, is imperative for hearing the voice of God. We empty our self of our self – our goals, will and desires - and we humbly wait on God.

Silence is the first step in seeking God’s will for our day one moment at a time. We perform our required duties for the day; but as we do, we do not make our own plans. We wait on God to reveal His direction by His Spirit. The more silent we are, the more we are also able to really hear the deep concerns of our Lord, our friends and our family. We listen intently rather than with only one ear. We show more compassion and patience, because we take the time to hear what they are saying.

As we earnestly enter our quiet place with the Lord, we sit at His feet and learn from Him, as Mary did (Luke 10:39); we enjoy His presence as the little children did (Matthew 19:14); and we receive His anointing as the apostles did (Mark 6:7). We grow more silent in our prayer time, so that we can enjoy God’s companionable silence. Then, we are in position to better hear His direction and instruction, and to follow the leading of His Spirit during each moment of our day.

God’s Kingdom is within us. As we follow His truth and not our own, we walk in His Kingdom Truth. The wise listen to counsel from God’s Word, but a fool despises God’s truth and does what is right in his/her own eyes (Proverbs 12:15). God will never lead us contrary to His Word; so you may not get a personal word from God not to do something, but if it is in His Word, that is all the direction you need. Otherwise, you miss out on God’s best for your life.

Our daily choices influence our spirituality (Proverbs 21:2). If we pursue carnality in the flesh, in the world and through satanic venues, then our spirit weakens and we reap the results in our body, mind and emotions as well (Proverbs 14:12). If we follow the Spirit’s direction for each moment of our day, our spirit strengthens, which also affects our body, mind and emotions (Proverbs 12:14). The choice is ours to live in God’s wisdom or as a fool.

Prayer:

Father God, You designed life so that we can find satisfaction through the fruit of our words, and You allow the consequences of our deeds to return to us (Proverbs 12:4). That means both our kind words and loving deeds, but also our angry words and our cruel deeds. We reap what we sow (Proverbs 16:2). Remind us to live in love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, meekness, self-control and faith so that we will reap the fruit of Your Spirit.

Thought for the Day:

Listen to Godly advice and accept a rebuke from a brother, and in the end you will reap wisdom and truth. – Proverbs 19:20

 

 

Warning Signs

 

Stress, anxiety, fear and anger are warning signs that someone is forcing us to do something that disturbs our peace in some way. They indicate that our soul – our thoughts, will and emotions – feels insecure, overwhelmed or abused in some way. In short amounts, stress helps us to perform under pressure and to motivate us to do our best. However, continual stress is unhealthy.

If we ignore the signs of stress, we end with:

• cognitive problems such as lapses in memory and concentration, worry or poor judgment;
• emotional indications such as moodiness, agitation, isolation and depression;
• physical issues such as aches, pains, bowel issues, chest pain, frequent colds and sexual dysfunction;
• behavioral symptoms such as loss of appetite, sleeplessness, procrastination, addictions and nervous habits.

At the core of these reactions is fear: fear of failure, rejection, another’s opinion and the unknown.

The Bible offers many remedies for stress. For instance, James encourages us to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19-20). Normally, we speak before we think. We say the first thing that comes to our mind. We often take pride in the fact that we “speak our mind”. We fail to use good judgment prior to expressing our opinions. That is why it is important to be slow to speak and to think before speaking. If we are quick to hear and slow to speak, then we will also be slow to express anger.

When we allow our negative emotions to erupt in rage, profanity or sulking, they ruin our testimony as a Believer, increase the stress in our life and cause others to have a very bad day. Sometimes, we feel negatively because we do not hear what the other person is really saying: either because they chose the wrong words to convey their thoughts and feelings, or we misunderstood the intent of their words or took them out of context. Some people have selective hearing and filter out parts of a conversation they do not want to hear. We also often fail to hear the unspoken meaning attached to someone’s words. That is why God uses James to caution us to be quick to hear.

We do, however, need to honestly feel all of our emotions in order to stay healthy. Journaling our feelings to understand where they are coming from is a healthy option. It allows us to express those pent up negative emotions without hurting anyone else or presenting to the public a poor example of a Believer. God gave us anger to protect us. It causes us to fight or to take flight to defend our self. If we use anger for any other reason, all we ever accomplished is to hurt the ones we love (Proverbs 29:11).

Past and current circumstances affect our feelings, and expose our deepest fears. Although our workplace, home or community can be pressure-packed and the demands on our life unrealistic, we can choose how we react. We cannot blame anyone else for making us feel the way we do. That is why James cautions us to listen carefully, to premeditate before speaking and then to use anger sparingly. This will diminish the amount of stress in our life.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, help us to learn to control our reactions, to listen carefully, to pray before we speak and to use anger only when the circumstances really warrant that intense reaction to protect us. Anger is the signal that something else is going on in or around us, just like the warning light on our car signals impending issues and dangers in our engine. Help us not to allow unmet expectations or feelings of entitlement to drive our reactions towards other people. Help us to take responsibility for our actions and to always live as an example of Jesus Christ in every circumstance of our life (1 Timothy 4:12).

Thought for the Day:

Ask God to reveal the inner root of your negative emotions and to heal you with His truth.




Thank you, Zoe Novak, for the use of your lovely photo.

The Power of Our Words

No one is perfect. All human beings stumble in one way or another. If anyone is never at fault in what he/she says, they are a perfect person. They are able to keep their whole body in submission (James 3:1-2). We are acquitted and condemned by what we say and do (Matthew 12:37). Too much talk can lead to sin; therefore, it is sensible to keep a guard over our words (Proverbs 10:19).

When we do speak, we should pray first and then speak as though God Himself were speaking through us. This way everything we say will bring glory to God (1 Peter 4:11). What we say is the product of how we think and what we believe (Matthew 12:33-35). What we say flows from what is in our heart. A good person produces good things from the reservoir of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the abundance of an evil heart (Luke 6:45).

Our negative thoughts are like a skein of tangled yarn, so entwined that it is almost impossible to unravel them. They confuse our mind and cause us to miss the purposes of God in our life. We are too busy complaining to see His hand working out the details for our good (Romans 8:28). Negative thoughts cause a perverse heart, which never prospers; and a deceitful tongue causes just as much trouble (Proverbs 17:20). The person who speaks rashly will come to ruin (Proverbs 13:3). Only a fool keeps on talking (Ecclesiastes 5:3). An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, but a righteous man escapes trouble (Proverbs 12:13).

A cultured person with education may be able to use words with restraint, and a thoughtful person is more even-tempered than someone who just blurts out whatever comes to his/her mind (Proverbs 17:27). However, no human being can ever fully restrain their tongue. It is impatient, wicked and full of lethal poison (James 3:8). Only the work of Jesus, living within the Believer, gives us the power over our tongue. Once we accept Christ as our Savior, the negative aspects of life only have power over our thoughts or actions if we allow them to do so.

When we belong to Jesus, then the power of the life-giving Spirit frees us from the power of sin that leads to death (Romans 8:2). We are no longer conformed to this world, but we are transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). Jesus actually renews the spirit of our mind (Ephesians 4:23). He effectively gives us a choice along with wise advice about which choice to make. If we guard our words and keep our tongue, we avoid calamity (Proverbs 21:23). We are to conduct ourselves in a manner that is worthy of the gospel of Christ, and to live with each other in one mind and spirit rather than arguing (Philippians 1:27).

The Bible encourages us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19). Our thoughts affect our beliefs, our emotions and our attitude. We reap the consequences of our words, and they affect our relationships and even our health (Proverbs 8:21). Wise words win good things for us; and if we guard our lips, we guard our life (Proverbs 13:2). Therefore, we can choose to think only about those things, which are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable (Philippians 4:8). When our thoughts are excellent and worthy of praise then this affects what we say and what we do, as well as how we feel emotionally and physically.

Prayer:

Father God, it is better not to be quick to speak with our mouth or hasty in our heart to utter anything before You. You are in heaven and we are on earth, so let us be wise and let our words be few (Ecclesiastes 5:2). Help us to submit to Your Spirit as You transform our mind, so that we may prove what Your good, acceptable and perfect will is for our life (Romans 12:2).

Thought for the Day:

From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things, as surely as the good work of his hands rewards him. - Proverbs 12:13-14

 

 

 

 

Communicating Strong Emotions

Read: Ephesians 4:21-32

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” - Ephesians 4: 15

In times of communication, God recommends that we are quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19). Anger is actually a God-given emotion used to protect us from injury, but not to inflict injury on other people. Anger is a flag to let us know that something is wrong. The feelings of anger in our soul inform us that someone else’s behavior is offensive to us. God cautions us, however, to be slow to express it, and to guard against crossing over into sinful behavior with this possibly volatile emotion (Ephesians 4:26).

After conversion, God taught me to articulate my emotions with rational words rather than to curse at the person hurting my feelings. However, even after I eliminated profanity from my vocabulary, I still exploded in anger when someone’s words or behavior caused a fearful or insecure reaction in my soul. I used excessive anger to protect myself from perceived injustices. My anger struck hot and quickly like a volcano, and I left just as many deep scars behind in my wake.

God has an alternate plan of action for us. Rather than to explode in anger, we can rationally communicate to the other person that what they just did or said is not acceptable to us. People will behave toward us in the way in which we teach them to treat us. If we allow others to abuse us - verbally, mentally or physically - we are inviting more of that same behavior into our future. However, we can develop a habit of using premeditated wording to express our feelings, rather than to use hasty, angry words to verbally attack the offending party.

Rather than to respond with anger, I learned to say:

“I feel afraid when you …”
“I feel like you spend more time with …. than with me. I need more of your attention.”
“Thank you for your opinion, but I do not agree with you. Can we agree to disagree?”
“I will walk away if you say/do that again.”
“I think that you misunderstood the meaning behind my words/actions. Let me further explain to you how I feel (or why I took that action).”

In the face of confrontation, I still make it known in no uncertain terms that the offensive behavior is not acceptable to me. However, I attempt to respond with a confident, businesslike and resolute manner rather than to erupt in anger. Even in the face of a verbal onslaught, I state my feelings more clearly with firm, calm words rather than with angry, irrational ones. My husband and I even use a notebook to write out our feelings to one another. This way we do not speak off the top of our head and potentially hurt one another. It is easier to think before we write than it is to think before we speak!

Some people may never learn to accept what we say; and they may never change their behavior towards us. These people are not safe. We need a firm boundary between them and us. It is better to steer a wide path around such people who tend to abuse us, rather than to constantly put ourselves in harm’s way. When we take a step back and look at their actions from a spiritual frame of mind, we can pray for them and also about our response to them. Then we can speak firmly, but kindly in the face of any imposition from them or any attack from them against us.

Through practice, I learned to stand up for myself without hiding behind fierce anger and coarse words as protection against what I perceive as an assault (Ephesians 5:4). God encourages us to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). We cannot ever control another person’s actions or responses towards us, but we can put distance between an abusive person and us. We do not need to overreact and divorce the person or end a friendship, but we can separate and work on reconciliation between us through counseling and calm discussions.

I also now take my hurt feelings to the Lord before I talk to anyone else. He helps me to forgive the offender and to pray for their blessing, whether they ever respond positively to me or not. How they feel about me or what they think of me has no bearing on who I am or on my relationship with my Lord and Savior. In reality, His opinion of me is the only one that really matters.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, help me to put away slander, malice, coarse words and explosive anger. Remind me to use positive words to communicate how I feel and how I want to be treated. Help me to speak up for what I want and need without resorting to using negative emotions or exploding in anger. 

Thought for the Day:

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” - Proverbs 25:11