From Frightened to Freedom

As a young wife and mother of three, my life was hectic at best. On top of this, I viewed life and reacted to its challenges and issues from a codependent and perfectionistic attitude - double trouble.

I wanted to please everyone, so they would like and love me; I thought that the only way to accomplish this feat was to be perfect. I was under the delusion that if I loved and served everyone - even to the detriment of myself - they would love me in return.

However, all I did was to teach people to take me for granted and to treat me like a doormat and their unpaid servant - chief cook, bottle washer, baby sitter, housekeeper and problem solver. People took advantage of me, which stressed me out even further.

I even did this with God. I attempted to keep every "jot and tittle of the law" (Matthew 5:18), hoping to please God with my undying service, in order to earn His love. I turned into a foolish "Galatian" and ran myself ragged, meeting myself coming and going (Galatians 3:1-3).

Stress kept me from sleeping and sleeplessness made me grouchy, which caused me to be short-tempered with those I loved. I hated who I was…I hated me, but I had no idea how to change things.

My self-esteem was in the bottom of the tank and I felt like I was drowning in the details of life. Finally, in desperation, I started researching codependence: what caused it and how to get free from it.

I learned that I had to stop neglecting my own needs every day and to allow others to meet their own needs once in a while. The books promised that they would still love me anyway, even if I did not "earn" it.

I figured that even if they did not love me, then they had no true feelings for me in the first place. I also translated this into the spiritual realm. God already loved me when I was a lost sinner, and He would always love me unconditionally (Romans 5:8); therefore, I could enter His rest and enjoy His favor.

This fact stopped the codependence dead in its tracks. I did a 180 degree turn around and walked away from this driven lifestyle. God's Spirit broke the shackles of expectations that I allowed to chain me to a meager existence.

When I entered into God's rest, I found a security and warmth that I missed all my life. Over the ensuing years, the comfort of God's rest brought me more peace and joy than I ever dreamed possible; and He continually supplies all of my needs with His glorious riches.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You so much for Your grace and mercy, which lead us in Your everlasting way (John 10:28-30; 1 Peter 5:10). You teach us lessons all along life's path and You bring us into ever-increasing intimacy with Your presence within us. When we let go of the impossible demands of pleasing people and focus instead on walking by the direction of Your Spirit moment by moment, we enter into Your rest, we receive Your gift of mercy and love, and we learn to trust in Your wisdom.

Due to Christ's saving redemption on Calvary's cross, we are no longer slaves of the demon of perfectionism. Instead, we follow the leading of Your Spirit and rest in Your goodness and grace. We trust in You with our whole heart; acknowledge You in all of our thoughts, words and deeds; and glorify You as You direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Thought for the Day:

God invites us to bask in His love; abide in His peace and hide under His wings when life scares us (Psalm 91:4); we learn to accept love when it is given and to serve others only when God's Spirit leads us to do so; this prevents burn-out and promotes joy in living regardless of our circumstances.

God Cares About Our Soul

 


This may not seem like truth to you at first. You may think that this is a selfish attitude. But, I want to assure you, that God desires for us to meet the needs in our own spirit, body and soul – our mind, will and emotions.

The Bible tells us to “Love our neighbor as our self”. If we have not cared for our own needs, we will have no emotional, mental, physical or spiritual energy to meet the needs in others that God brings our way.

You can only give from what you have. If you do not feed your body, you will have no physical strength. If you do not feed your spirit, you will have no spiritual direction. In the same way, if you do not feed your soul, you will have no intellectual or emotional energy to meet your needs or the needs in others.

If we wait on Him, God helps us to meet our needs in His own way and timing. Learn to laugh and enjoy God's blessings in your life, love the people He put in your life, and appreciate the unique person God created you to be.

Selfish people are so focused on their own needs, that they need to do less of that and focus more on the needs of other people around them - especially their family members, neighbors and workmates.

Some people feel guilty about allowing others to minister to their needs. This attitude actually stems either from false pride, a lack of self-worth or from unforgiveness toward our self. Please realize that you can accept help from other people, because it comes from God.

We may also feel guilty if we do not meet all the needs of all of the people who come our way. When others ask you to do something for them, if you do not hear God saying, “Yes,” then it is much wiser for you to say, “No.”

This attitude may take practice! This is especially true if you are not used to refusing another's request. As codependents, we compulsively feel the need to worry about everyone, and to meet all of their needs and to solve all of their problems.   

The real issue here is the will of God. If you do not feel God saying, “Yes,” then please, say, “No.” To do otherwise is disobedience to God!

Then you are out of the center of His perfect will for your life and you are frustrating God’s will for that other person too. If God calls us to serve in some position at home, work, church or community, He also grants us the grace to meet these needs.

If we find that we regularly lack peace in what is expected of us, then we must seek God’s will about our life. If we are out of His will, He will redirect us by His peace (Philippians 4:7).

Prayer:

Father God, we know we are walking in the center of Your will if we have Your complete peace within our spirit (Philippians 4:7). When we feel anxiety or any negative emotion, remind us to stop and pray! Help us to follow the leading of Your Holy Spirit each moment of the day.

When we feel Your complete peace again, regardless of all the natural considerations, we will know that we are back in the center of Your will. Our fulfillment only comes as we live in Your peace. Help us to serve You with our body, soul and spirit. Remind us that You have a perfect will for our life and we can walk in it (Ephesians 2:20).   

Thought for the Day:

Follow the Holy Spirit to do God’s will rather than allowing the compassion of your soul to lead you to meet the needs of those around you or to succumb to the obligations you feel are placed on you by your position in life.

       

When One Side Wins

When one side "wins" an argument, both sides lose. The person or group that was not allowed to make their point, or who did not have the opportunity to make their point, feels dejected and frustrated and unable to affect their own life.

This effects their relationship and attitude about the "winning" side. They may forgive, but they still feel discounted and misunderstood. They withdraw from the relationship both emotionally and possibly also physically, even if just a little bit.

The sad point of this scenario is that this is so unnecessary. There does not have to be a winner and a loser in an argument. There can be a discussion, which leads to a mutually acceptable solution.

This way everybody wins! No one person or group "gets their way", but they find an equally impartial solution that meets everyone's needs.

When we each have a need and our own solution, but we cannot agree on either one, we can pray or brainstorm together and find a third alternative that we both like.

We can do some research, ask advice from other people, read some articles on the topic, go to a counselor if necessary, and find a third alternative that both sides agree upon.

Then everyone is happy, everyone feels heard and valued, and everyone wins. In our society, we have a two party system and we tend to be black-and-white thinkers.

There is no room or tolerance for any gray areas that may require that we think outside of our little box, to experiment, and to consider the good of the group rather than for our self alone.

The only area that is not up for compromise is our belief in and devotion to God. We follow His Spirit's direction in every area of our life and we stand firm on the Word of God alone.

Prayer:

Father God, help us to be more interested in serving others than our self, putting the needs of others in the same degree of importance in our life as our own needs. Remind us not to neglect our self, but to honor others as our self.

You have a perfect will and way for our life and it is our responsibility to hear from Your Spirit in every aspect of our life (Ephesians 2:10; Proverbs 3:5-6). We draw near to You, refuse to allow Satan to wreak havoc in our life and we allow You to direct our paths (James 4:7).

Thought for the Day:

Once we purify the desires of our soul by obeying God's truth, we develop a genuine love for others, we love each other deeply and we maintain a pure heart for God to use in His service. - 1 Peter 1:22