A. Dominant/Aggressive people use force to control. We outright rebel against any form of control or authority.
1. We believe we have a monopoly on divining right and wrong. We believe we have a dispensation and the obligation to control life.
2. We dominate our fears by using anger, willpower, criticizing, guilt, fault-finding, condemnation and confrontation to control life.
3. We try to appear strong, although we actually feel weak and afraid. We are a stickler for rules and propriety to try to control life.
4. We often open doors to Satanic oppression, which causes us to abuse others physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually.
B. Submissive/Passive people control life in subtle ways. We tend to be very introverted and seek a life-style involving little responsibility and the greatest amount of protection.
1. We seek to manipulate in order to change people’s mind or behavior as well as the outcome of a circumstance.
2. We try to strictly follow the rules in order to get our needs met. We use the silent treatment to let people know we are unhappy.
3. We have all of our pride invested in helping others and in trying to please them. We try to earn favors by acting affectionately, accommodatingly and submissively. We buy gifts, use flattery, and act very obediently and compliantly.
4. We try to “change” people’s feelings by talking them out of it or by trying to diminish the importance of their desires or we make shaming statements to cause people to see things our way.
C. Passive/Aggressive people comply to get along. We agree to conform, but then do whatever we want to do in subversive ways. We undercut authority in devious ways, such as: avoidance, sarcasm or joking.
1. We will not be direct with our criticism. We use put-downs and shame to manipulate people to do our bidding.
2. We grow up not trusting our own decisions. We do not develop personal ideas, perceptions or needs. We do not develop a good conscience.
3. We use addictions to sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, people and shopping to get our own way.
4. We feel inadequate, powerless and out of control. We attract controlling people into our life so we will feel safe. We get others' sympathy and support, avoiding anxiety, responsibilities, or having to overcome our fears.
D. ASSERTIVE people use open, honest, gentle and caring communication to understand our own and other peoples' feelings. We express thoughts and feelings while asking for what we want in appropriate ways without jeopardizing the rights and respect of others. This is our goal as Christians.
1. We are happy with who we are. We care for our “self” as well.
2. We are happy giving gifts and offering service that bring joy to others, and we willingly receive gifts from others.
3. We learn how to deal with anxiety-producing situations in productive ways, using the Serenity Prayer as our guide.
4. We feel an increased self-worth and closeness with people.
2. Surrender is the doorway to freedom. It is a state of brokenness, of total dependence upon God, of receiving God’s forgiveness and of having a personal, daily relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
3. God does not take our free will away from us. He asks us to surrender our will to His. He wants us to realize that life is not about “me.” Life is all about the Kingdom of God. As we seek first His Kingdom, then He will add to our life everything we need.
When we surrender to God, we say, “Go ahead, Lord, and have Your way with me.” We allow Him to break our pride and our reliance on our “self” and we put our life into His capable hands. He will then restore us to the person He intends for us to be, free of emotional pain and guilt and equipped to serve Him in His chosen ministry for us.
4. God knows everything, from the beginning to the end of our life. He sees the pitfalls and He knows the joys He prepared for each of us. Only as we surrender our will to His can we know the true riches of life on this earth (Romans 8: 28; Jeremiah 29:11 ).
5. Controlling usually produces the OPPOSITE effect of what we want. Our dependency on anything other than God: addictions, people, places, jobs, things, animals ~ puts us into bondage to them. Only God’s love produces true freedom.
6. We adopt survival techniques as we age, because in the past, even though our caretakers did their best in most cases, they were unavailable to make sure we had what we needed at the time that we needed it. This caused us to be self-reliant in order to protect our “self”, and later our children as well. We try, by the sheer power of our will, to hold everything together. We think we have to handle our problems on our own. We search, often in vain, for any sense of justice in our life.
We come to believe everyone else has to conform to OUR way of doing things so we will be safe. We exhibit undue pressure and control on others to submit to our will and way. This fear and insecurity prevents us from trusting God as well. We overly attach to people, situations, jobs, etc to try to keep our life safe. What we do not realize is that anything that we depend upon holds power over our life. Only God deserves that much power over us.
7. We blame God for the bad things that happen in our life. We forget that God created paradise for us. Paradise is God’s will for our lives. However, sin in our life and the lives of everyone around us causes these negative situations, which occur. The key to remember is that when we surrender to God, He always works out everything, even the negative things, for our good (Romans 8:28).
Controlling life puts a tremendous amount of stress on us. We suffer mentally, emotionally and physically because we try to hold everything together. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We think that keeping our loved ones and us safe is up to us. This puts us into a lifestyle of controlling.
8. Another key to surrender is to believe that the power of God truly CAN overcome any person or circumstance in our life. We cannot change people or circumstances, but GOD can.
Every person alive has some form of dysfunction. There are no perfect parents and there are no perfect people. Jesus Christ holds the market on perfection. It is only as we surrender the complete control of our life to Him, that we can walk in freedom, peace and joy.
God reveals our faulty beliefs to us one at a time and produces in us both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him (Philippians 2: 13). As we give His Spirit permission to replace our negative characteristics with His Fruit we find more and more fulfillment in our life.
9. We try with all of our might to hang on, to fix it, to change it, to manage it or to try to make it right. God wants us to LET GO and to admit that we are powerless and we need His power in our life.
Admitting we are powerless and that we need Him is the first step toward healing. God pleads with us to let GOD BE GOD in our life. God wants us to completely surrender our will and to be vulnerable before Him. This is called “dying to self.”
10. “Dying to self” does not mean that we diminish our God given identity, personality, needs or giftedness. It simply means allowing God to replace our old, carnal sinful nature with His nature. We allow God to call the shots and to direct us according to His will instead of living according to our will.
11. Read these verses:
Titus 3: 3, “Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other.
4 But — When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, 5 he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.
6 He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. 7 Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.”
Romans 6:6, “We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin.
Galatians 2: 20, “My old (carnal) self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
2 Corinthians 12: 9, But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
12. WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG. When we stop trying to control life and give God control over our life, we allow Him to provide for and to protect us. His mighty power starts working in us and through us. When we surrender our life to Him, He accomplishes infinitely more through our life than we could ever ask or think (Ephesians 3: 20).
13. Who is on the throne of your life:
Is Jesus on the outside with Self on the throne? OR is Jesus on the throne with Self in submission? Life is chaotic when “self” is on the throne. Life is peaceful and calm when Christ is on the throne, and only then can we live and walk in true Serenity. Surrender each moment of your day to the Lord and rejoice evermore.
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