Human beings are the result of all of the nature and nurture that God provided for us in our lifetime. He intended that we have the parents, the environment and the genes that we have in order to be the person He needs us to be. This way He can use us to help others with our unique skills and talents. But we do not have to indiscriminately help everyone who needs our help.
Love does not mean giving people what they want, it is following the Spirit’s leading in everything we do and say. Reaching a balance in the area of ministry is both basic and simple. If God does not give you peace to comply with someone’s request or a need that they may have, then do not get involved. God teaches us to develop healthy boundaries based on the Holy Spirit’s direction. This is crucial for creating a safe place - a home base - for the authentic person whom God created us to be, as we follow His will throughout our day.
Many of the ministry needs that we try to respond to may appear Biblical on the surface. The issue is legitimate and the person is in real need. However, serving others without Spirit-led boundaries eventually starts to feel like slavery and bondage, and may even cause us to grow more and more resentful and angry in our soul. If the Holy Spirit does not direct us to get involved and we do so anyway, this can have an oppressive effect on us, because it becomes a “works” brand of Christianity.
Let me give you one example from Jesus’ life. He walked among the multitude of sick people beside the pool of Bethesda (John 5: 1-18). They all needed His help, but He only healed one of them. He could have spoken a word and healed them all at once; or He could have sat there the whole day and ministered to each one individually. However, He followed His Father’s directions instead of humanisticly responding to all of the needs (John 5:19). Jesus set boundaries, and He gave us an example of how to set them too.
If we do not set limits on our activities as the Holy Spirit directs us to do, then our responses to other people come merely from the complex network of carnal thoughts and emotions in our soul. We may have a nagging sense of doubt and shame because of our past; therefore, we are driven to help by the fear of rejection. We may fear that God disapproves of us when we meet our own basic needs, so we spend all of our time caring for others instead.
If we do not follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, we run the risk of getting worn out and of distancing our self from God, which will cause us to lose our spiritual anchor. Anything that affects our spiritual, mental and emotional well-being also affects our physical well-being. Hospitals and doctors offices are full of people with psychosomatic (mentally induced) illnesses.
God has a much richer plan for us, in which learning to love ourselves is vitally tied to learning to love our neighbor. Having a solid, healthy sense of who we are in Christ, and of our God-inspired, unique individuality, goes hand-in-hand with being able to enter into loving “interdependent” relationships with our family, our church and our community.
When you feel overwhelmed, take a time out and hide beneath the shadow of the Almighty. Seek refuge under His wings. This keeps out unwanted intruders of doubt, insecurity, fear and obligation, and provides a safe place where you can grow and develop as an individual. The sanctifying presence of the Holy Spirit during these times does a complete work in our body, soul and spirit. He renews our strength and He equips us to perform the works that God calls us to achieve.
This “home base” provides a place to gather our authentic thoughts and feelings, as well as gives us the time needed to decide whom we are in Christ – without the fear of being shamed or verbally attacked by well-meaning brethren. This is a secret place where we can honestly face the realities of our life. We can also ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance and ask God for the strength to be able to step aside and to allow Christ to accomplish His will through our life.
God's plan for our self-development involves a building up of our selves in a grace-filled, restorative experience of Christ in us, which is our hope of glory. This way, we can live less like Martha who frantically rushed around serving others – and more like Mary who allowed herself to sit at Jesus' feet first (Luke 10:38-42). From this passage, it is clear that God does not want us to give out of obligation. He wants our giving to flow from our genuine desire to serve Him and from our choice to obey the leading of His Spirit.
Being able to choose the boundaries we feel comfortable with is a key step in being able to give genuinely, rather than under compulsion. As we spend time with Him, and receive His grace and care for us, there is a natural overflow of this love, grace and caring outwards to others. Allowing one's “self” to be built up in Christ's love makes it possible for us to serve others out of love, rather than out of coercion or codependence.
How do we know where to draw our boundaries? How do we know how much giving is too little or too much? No two people have the same boundaries. To answer this we need to listen to our own soul – our mind, will and emotions - and to the leading of the Holy Spirit within us. Service without boundaries easily leads to resentment and anger. It is not the amount we are giving that counts, but the process – serving from a cheerful heart – that really matters. If God does not give you peace to comply with a request or a need, then do not get involved.
How do we know where to draw our boundaries? How do we know how much giving is too little or too much? No two people have the same boundaries. To answer this we need to listen to our own soul – our mind, will and emotions - and to the leading of the Holy Spirit within us. Service without boundaries easily leads to resentment and anger. It is not the amount we are giving that counts, but the process – serving from a cheerful heart – that really matters. If God does not give you peace to comply with a request or a need, then do not get involved.
Giving of one's “self” as an overflow of the grace we have experienced may not always come easily or without difficulty or pain, as Jesus showed by his life and death. God wants to put His hands around our tiny "sparks" of genuine giving and to nurture them gradually into a torch blazing with agape love. Our light will then shine like a city set on a hill (Matthew 5:14). With God's hands sheltering our obedience to His Spirit from the winds of guilt, shame and perfectionistic expectations, our love can grow – step by little step – into a flame of genuine caring and nurture. This allows God to minister through us only to those to whom He leads us.
Allowing God to build up our feelings of self-worth and to help us to develop secure boundaries is a spiritual priority. Allowing God to teach us to say "No" is more important to our spiritual growth than saying "Yes" to yet another "spiritual" activity. We do not always need to have a clearly articulated or spiritual-sounding reason for saying, "No." If God is not leading you to say, “Yes,” then by all means, please say, “No.”
Prayer:
Lord Jesus, prompt us to take time to just sit at Your feet like Mary did and to soak up God's grace until we are filled with Your Spirit. Then, help us to serve others from a place free of resentment. If we do find ourselves not feeling genuinely led to give, help us not to force ourselves, but to obey the Spirit who leads us by His peace from within. Allowing God to build up our feelings of self-worth and to help us to develop secure boundaries is a spiritual priority. Allowing God to teach us to say "No" is more important to our spiritual growth than saying "Yes" to yet another "spiritual" activity. We do not always need to have a clearly articulated or spiritual-sounding reason for saying, "No." If God is not leading you to say, “Yes,” then by all means, please say, “No.”
Prayer:
Thought for the Day:
Our giving comes from a genuine desire and freedom to serve God. ~ 2 Corinthians 9:7
