There are many issues that tear
down a marriage that can be avoided. We simply need to be forewarned in order
to be forearmed.
When we put our mate down in
front of other people, this public humiliation is hurtful and uncalled for in
every sense of the word. These "jokes" may make us feel better, or
get a laugh; but they devastate our mate and should be avoided at all costs.
This habit causes resentment and
develops into anger that seethes within our partner's soul. It reveals pettiness
and a lack of honor and respect for one another. Men are particularly
negatively affected by public "put downs", but wives want to feel
loved, admired and complimented as well.
When we go behind each other and
make decisions in secret that also affects their life, we erode our
relationship as a couple. We make our partner feel devalued and overlooked.
Using superlatives such as
"never" and "always" may make each other feel helpless and
useless and cause us to want to give up trying. We never feel "good
enough"; we start to believe that we will never measure up, so why try?
Blaming our spouse for our bad
mood or lack of accomplishment in some area; expecting him/her to meet all the
needs of our body, soul and spirit; postponing our fulfillment in life until
the children leave the nest; holding resentment for unexpressed expectations,
etc. will drive a wedge between both parties of the couple.
Complaining about the material
possessions our spouse brings or fails to bring to the marriage will erode
his/her desire to work and to help provide for our joint goals and aspirations.
Comparing our spouse to our
neighbor or that model couple at church will cause disappointment and
discouragement. It is better to inform our spouse of the areas in our relationship
where we feel slighted, unappreciated, pressured or overwhelmed, and work
together to build one another up.
Prayer:
Father God, reveal to us that
talking curtly or "down" to one another devalues our mate in his/her
heart. They feel discouraged and overwhelmed rather than complimented and built
up. Stop us from continually finishing our mate's sentences and remind us to
allow them to tell their own version of the "story" from their
perspective, even if we disagree with their facts.
Help us to see that when we make
an attempt to do something nice for one another, and this gesture is not
appreciated, we feel less like trying again. Open the eyes of our understanding
so that You, rather than the devil, will influence our behavior and attitude in
our marriage.
Thought for the Day:
When we constantly attempt to
"teach" or change or correct each other, or always show our mate a
better way to do things, it gives the message that they are "not good
enough"; if we badger each other about petty issues or unmet expectations,
we turn into nags and complainers, and we start to avoid each other's company;
it is so much better when spouses dwell together in unity.
