Some mates use affection as a tool for manipulation. We warm to the sunshine of their focused attention and agree to their demands, often in violation of how we truly feel. Then, once we agree, our mate suddenly withdraws his/her affection and reverts back to their cold, remote treatment of us.
In discussions with our mate, we often attempt to explain how we feel and what we really need. However, due to their mindset and worldview, they may discount the validity and truth of our deep needs, belittle us, and dismiss what they perceive as our “over-reactions” as invalid or assign them to our fears, insecurities or disproportionate sensitivity.
They end up ignoring our input, and they make decisions that disregard our opinions and needs, causing us to reap the results of their choices. This is when, as adult human beings with all of the undeniable rights of one, we can make our own decisions that prevent us from reaping the blunt of the impact on us of their choices.
Of course, when the event is over, and the results are in, they often have selective memories and insist that the consequences of this incident are our fault and not theirs. Afraid to own up to their own mistakes, they shift the blame to our attitude or behavior, and they insist that our memories of the event are faulty.
This may cause us to doubt our self and our recollections, and to accept the shame of the predicament they insist is our fault. They learn nothing from the incident, since they take no responsibility for their own behavior and choices, and they end up making similar decisions again in the future.
The only way to avoid or to rectify these issues is to pray together for God's will for our marriage. We end up making fewer mistakes once we decide together to walk in His will for us. Prayer keeps us both humble, helps us to clarify our feelings about every decision before we make it, and aids us in caring about one another's needs.
Prayer:
Father God, remind us to seek Your plans for each situation that arises in our life. As we trust in You with our whole heart, and as we consult You in every situation in which we find our self, rather than to insist on our own way, we know that You will always direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6). This allows us to walk together in unity.
Remind us that we do not need to manipulate one another to do things our way; neither do we need to shirk our responsibility in the decisions that we make, but to own up to our mistakes. If we refuse to humble our self, eventually You will make sure that we find our self humiliated by the results of our choices. Teach us that our mate is not our enemy, or someone to simply tolerate, but our fellow sojourner and prayer partner on this earth.
Thought for the Day:
In this hostile environment in which we live, marrying the person who is our best friend, our comforter, our prayer partner, and our support in our times of need is much better than marrying someone who hurts us by their behavior toward us, or someone who expects us to unwillingly submit to them, or who constantly ignores our needs in the decisions that they make.
