There is not a relationship in this world where conflict never occurs. We even have struggle within our own soul – arguing with our self about some relevant issues. We cannot avoid this friction, but we can minimize its effect on our relationships.
Our past and current trauma colors our thinking, and our fears of the future. Our insecurities and sensitivities taint them with depression, mistrust, and skepticism. We often entertain unrealistic and unreasonable needs birthed in the depth of our soul.
We are all individuals with our own perspective, point of view, world view, opinions, needs, fears and expectations. Our frustration arises when someone in our sphere of existence disagrees with us, or he/she holds an entirely opposite outlook. This is when a third option comes in quite handy – one on which we can both agree.
Jumping to conclusions without getting all the facts, simply muddies the water of our understanding, and causes us to make snap judgments and decisions that affect our relationship for years, and maybe even permanently. If we give them a chance, most people will show us compassion, try to help us to understand their perspective, or explain their motivation.
Once we clearly communicate our true feelings, rather than hiding behind pride and prejudice, most couples can work together to find a solution which they can both embrace. Making time to find this alternative action is well-worth our effort and saves many a relationship from permanent dissolution.
The best decision we will ever make for our self is to turn our life over to Christ for His direction and provision. This way we find true love and fulfillment on this side of Heaven. We stop pressing our self into the mold of other people’s expectations, and find our identity is Christ who abides in everyone who turns away from corruption; and instead, pursues holiness through Godly principles.
Prayer:
Father God, some of our expectations meet deep-seeded needs within our self that we have nurtured all of our life. We look to other people to meet them, rather than to seek Your will and way in order to meet them our self or to wait on You to supply. Remind us that when we expect our fulfillment from others, this just does not work, because they are flawed humans just like we are.
They are usually running on emotional “tanks” that are emptier than ours. Help us to take life one moment at a time, and to ferret out Your will for us in every one of them, rather than to rely on our human resources and understanding. Please reign in the unexpected surprises that often threaten to overwhelm us, and then place our feet on a level path to keep us safe from the trauma of life (Psalm 27:11).
Thought for the Day:
There are certain aspects that we can employ to prevent conflicts and expectations from devastating us:
1. Accept our self exactly as we are, submitting our shortcomings to the Holy Spirit’s sanctification process within us.
2. Do random acts of kindness for our self and others from the viewpoint of compassion and mercy.
3. Listen to the “self-talk” in our mind, and then decline rigid thoughts that are based in pride and prejudice rather than in cooperation and flexibility.
4. Make decisions based on God’s will, and not on other’s expectations for us. Let others make their own decisions and then we can make our choices that are best for us.
5. Rid our mind of preconceptions and expectations of our self and others, allowing our self and them to be true to who God is calling us to be one moment at a time.
6. Realize that God is our judge, and we have no right to judge others. Their behavior is between them and God, not us.
7. Relinquish our attachment to the treasures that we cherish; enjoy them while we have them, but realize that in this broken world, nothing but our relationship with God lasts forever.
