Spectating or Serving

The church is the Body and Bride of Christ, commissioned to carry the gospel into all the world, and especially in our local community. We reach out with the gospel of Christ to friends, relatives, work and hobby associates and neighbors (Mark 16:15-16).

We serve in one ministry in our local church as the Lord calls us to assist, working in an area in which we are interested, and remaining faithful to that calling until God directs us to serve in a new direction in our church body (Romans 12:4-5).

When we see a need, or something that is blocking the growth of our church family, rather than complaining, ridiculing and looking for another church, we put our hand to the plow and help to change things for the better.

This may require that we increase our financial giving, spend more time supporting the church leadership and ministries, taking the initiative to ask the leadership the ways in which we can be the most help to the Body and allowing them to equip us for this ministry.

We do not expect our church to have the personality, ministries, outreach and worship identical to every other church in town, because God gives each congregation His own unique flavor to meet the need for which He designed our particular congregation.

We faithfully pray to the Lord of the Harvest to bring workers into the field; and we serve as an example of a loving, outreaching, soul-winning, hardworking member of the local church where God calls us.

When we do this, we see God's hand faithfully supplying all the needs in our life and in the life of that congregation; and we feel blessed to be a part of His work in our community as we partake in the ministries of the family of God meeting in the facilities which God provided and for which we care and contribute towards.

Prayer:

Father God, raise up congregations across the nation that are committed to one another as Your family. It is so easy for a person to divorce a congregation and go across town to find one that better suits their needs, with no regard to Your will for them in service to that original congregation. Help us to covenant together in faith and to fellowship around the Gospel instead of the worship or preaching style, the size of the bulletin or the amount of lights and instruments used on the stage.

Teach us to agree on the central truths of Your Word and to live by these truths rather than by our personal preferences and carnal desires. Inform us about the true meaning of our spiritual gifts and help us to find a place to use those gifts for the mutual edification of the Body in which You call us to serve.

Remind us that contrary to popular belief, the church is not a gathering of spectators called to criticize the music, minister and ministries of a particular congregation. Before we were even conceived, You called us and placed us in a certain church in order to serve the Body in any needed ministry to which you call us (Ephesians 2:10).

Thought for the Day:

We do not discriminate in the fellowship of the church, but we include every race, nationality, dialect and personality; however, we do insist on members adhering to the primary principles of the scripture and living according to its dictates rather than the liberal, all-inclusive attitude of the world today; everyone is welcome to attend, but God only offers membership in His family to adherents of Biblical Truth.

Emotional Disconnect during Holiday Celebrations

The first Mother's Day I celebrated after my husband decided that there was no option for us but divorce was the hardest day of my life. I felt a deep loss because I was separated from my children by hundreds of miles.

I went to fellowship with my church as usual, but did not celebrate, because I was too full of grief. I ended up leaving the service early, going to my tiny duplex and eating my homemade ravioli and marinara sauce to assuage my emotional pain.

Mother's and Father's Day, as we celebrate them every year, leave out those men and women who were not able to have children. They grieve this loss every day of their life, but especially on Mother's and Father's Day.

What about men and women who lost a child during pregnancy or maybe even at birth; or those people who chose abortion or adoption in a moment of crisis and are now full of grief, remorse and guilt?

There are people who came to Christ after a period of suffering through jail time, addiction, mental illness or estrangement from their mate; and now it is too late for them to bear children.

Other individuals lost their beloved mother or father through death, and many lost them way too early in life. Some have a parent drifting away from them through Alzheimer's, dementia, cancer or some other debilitating disease.

They are forced to put on happy faces during the hardest day of the year for them. Their grief is invisible to the rest of us, but it is eating them alive as the rest of us celebrate our children and our role as mother and father.

Then there is that percentage of people who suffered cruel treatment at the hand of a parent who was debilitated by health and psychological issues. Insecurity and the loss of their basic human needs, which were never met, affect every moment of their life.

These beloved persons suffered mental, emotional and physical abuse, deprivation, humiliation, degradation and belittlement as children and are still crippled today with physical, emotional and mental handicaps.

Many of us come to Christ and receive His healing, hiding our self with Christ in God (Colossians 3:1-4). Some of us teach our self how to parent our self with nurturing, cherishing and constant care; and to come to God for His nurturing care (1 Peter 5:7).

Some of them suffer alone, because we no longer allow our self to get to know one another in churches. We smile at each other when we enter and leave the one hour service on Sunday morning, but we do not know one another's heartaches and trials.

Prayer:

Father God, help us to get to know one another in the church; so that we can support each other, especially those men and women who suffer silently with deep wounds that may still be raw and infected, or that created a gaping chasm in their life.

Remind us that as a church, we can make holidays less of a challenge and more of a blessing by celebrating all people, not just with those who actually bore children and have healthy and nurturing parents, but also by sharing in the loss and grief of every person in our congregation all through the year.

Thought for the Day:

Our church can have ministries that do more than celebrate or help spouses and parents, but that also minister to all men and women regardless of their marital or parental status. We can learn each other's stories of loss, grief and suffering; and support one another each day of the year.

Spiritual Anorexia

Read: James 1: 22-27

 

“Not every one that said to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that does the will of my Father which is in heaven.” – Matthew 7:21

As a Pastor’s wife I often get discouraged when I see my husband pouring over the Bible for hours each week to prepare three sermons; and yet, very few people ever come to listen to them, and fewer still ever respond to the Word that he preaches.

He spends as many as 10 hours preparing each sermon. He starts by praying about which series or Biblical book to preach from. Then, he prays over each individual message as he prepares it. He studies the text, researches his subject, reads other sermons concerning the same text or topic, finds illustrations and humor to make it colorful and then he polishes it for days. When he stands in the pulpit, he already internalized his message and he preaches the words with all of his heart. Yet, it seems to go in one ear and right out the other of most of the people in the congregation.

Many preachers are in this same lonely position in the Body of Christ. They faithfully preach the message God gives them. They joyfully delight in the Word of the Lord. They walk faithfully before their God (Jeremiah 15:15-16). They love the Lord and dedicate their every waking moment only to Him. They strive to serve as God’s spokesmen and to speak only the Words He gives them (Jeremiah 15:19). They weave this passion into every sermon they preach, hoping to inspire others to share in their enthusiasm. Yet, the love of many is waxing cold (Matthew 24:12). No wonder the rate of salvations in evangelical churches diminishes ever year.

God’s prophets throughout the ages experienced this same indifference and apathy. Jeremiah was one man who lived with a passion for proclaiming the Word of the Lord. Yet, the people of Israel continually failed to repent and to follow God. After many years of this cold-hearted rejection, the Israelites heard this proclamation from God: "Even if Moses and Samuel were to stand before Me, My heart would not go out to this people. Send them away from my presence! Let them go!" (Jeremiah 15:1).

As I was praying about this dilemma, I realized that many people in our churches today have spiritual anorexia. We take in the sacred meal provided for us in every church service, and then we purge everything we consumed as we walk out of the building. We fall back into our old habits and sinful ways, consuming carnal junk food during the week and starving our spirit until the next Sunday morning church service. I researched this idea and there are several authors who give detailed information about this topic.

Sometimes, we skip Sunday worship and stay home to sleep in, half-heartedly watching TV preachers to assuage our conscience. We hide our light under a basket full of dirty laundry and do not give repentance a second thought. We spend so much time in trivial pursuits that we rarely pick up our Bible to read at home. This behavior damages our divine health and even threatens our future spiritual life. Some of us do not even have a personal, life-changing relationship with the Savior of our soul. 

I want to challenge everyone who reads these words to make a commitment today to live as a doer of the Word and not a hearer only (James 1:22). God only blesses those who both hear His Words and walk in them (Luke 11: 28).

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, I pray for an increased spiritual hunger in the hearts of church people all over the world, but especially in America where hearts have grown cold. Give us a focused hunger, which is satisfied only by our obedience to Your Word. Use us to infect today’s society with a passion for more of You.

Thought for the Day:

Commit to live as a spiritually, well-nourished Child of God and share what you learn as you passionately consume His Word.

What IS a Pastor's Wife?????

A new Believer asked me this question…“What is a Pastor’s Wife?”

For over 40 years, I served as a Pastor’s wife; yet, the role is so varied and complicated that I did not have a simple answer to give her. Although the Bible is full of scripture pertaining to the Pastor, it says nothing definite about the topic of his wife.

Jesus calls all of us to a life of ridicule, abandonment, torture, prison and even death if necessary. A Pastor and his family are not exempt from this calling. If the Lord calls a man into the ministry, He also calls his wife and family. I am one flesh with my pastor-husband, and some people even call me, “Mrs. Pastor” or “Sister Kevin”. The main area of responsibility for any wife is to support and to submit to her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24).

One major difference from most people, however, is that the Pastor’s family is not allowed to work a 9:00-5:00 workday with week-ends free. The flock needs us "on call," at all hours of the day and night, seven days of the week. It is important to prioritize and to include some time in our schedule for personal reflection and relaxation; but there is usually something that comes up, which supersedes one or both of these priorities. The whole truth is that on the day I married my husband, I laid a “normal life” down on the altar of the ministry, and I watched it go up in smoke as a sacrifice to God. I have not regretted one moment of my life, however, because anything God calls us to do for Him, He supplies us with the desire and the power to do it (Philippians 2:13).

Sometimes, because a church is a microcosm of society, whether you live in the big city or in the country, you actually deal with many issues that are considered part of "small town life". Especially when you go to a new church, everyone is looking at you all the time, deciding whether or not they like you. They have very specific ideas on how you should spend your money, what you should wear, how you should fix your hair and whether or not you should get your nails done professionally. If your house is too nice, people will talk. If it's not nice enough, people will talk. Actually, they talk about everything and anything, which pertains to you and your family.

Church members also often like to talk to the Pastor’s wife about other church members. Therefore, it is important to use discretion and to say only nice things about people. Learning how to change topics quickly and gracefully is vitally important. For this reason, many Pastors’ wives despise committee meetings and women’s sewing circles. However, these are actually the perfect opportunities to share in decisions the church makes about your life, as well as to minister to the real needs of the individual, who happens to sit next to you.

In some churches in which we served over the years, I was compared to the wife of the previous pastor, who is always a paragon of virtue after she leaves. It took these churches time to love me for who I am, and to recognize the gifts and talents, which my husband and I brought to their church family. In other churches, the last pastor left under coercion with less than pleasant circumstances; therefore, the congregation transferred their hurt and mistrust to us; until God used us to bring about healing to their souls.

Making friends with members of the congregation can also be tricky. Some have ulterior motives and they want to control your time, your decisions and your sermon topics. They find it easier to criticize you and to expect you to support their pet events in the life of the church. Others want you to provide them with time for weekly gripe sessions, which they call counseling sessions. I even had a few young mothers who expected me to freely care for their children several times a week.

Most of the people, however, look out for your welfare. Sharing produce, helping with home repairs and giving gifts for birthdays and Christmas are common in some congregations and come as a special added blessing.

Since I had no real answer for her, this new Christian wanted to know, “Do you work?”

This was easier to answer. Yes, I work; but I do not get paid. I wear business casual clothes, but I do not punch a time card. I serve the public for over 50 hours a week, but I have no official job description. I get hand-me-down office equipment, I cannot afford my own car and I have no corner office with a window. I see things both from the pastoral position and from a member’s perspective, because I am also a member of the flock; yet I may not vote on any church issues. However, since I work for King Jesus, my job benefits are actually out of this world!

Then, she wanted to know “What exactly do you achieve?” This is another hard question to answer.

There are at least five differing sets of expectations of the Pastor and his wife from every new congregation, which no couple can possibly fulfill; yet no one has any idea about how to change this dilemma. In my years of serving as a Pastor’s wife, I have been expected to present visionary leadership as the director of the women’s ministries, or at least to attend all of their meetings; to function in some capacity as a teacher to the ladies or to children; to soothe the weary, protect the vulnerable, bind up the wounded, seek the lost and rescue the wandering. I am expected to know where the Pastor is at all times; so that I can tell any inquiring member where to find him.

Many Pastors’ wives run the Sunday school program, which I did at one time in my career. Some direct the choir, but with my lack of musical talent, our churches are glad I do not fill this role! Some plan all the church social events, which makes me break out in nervous hives, just thinking about doing that. I do have my special gifts and callings, however, and I try to stay within the parameter of God’s will for me in any church in which we serve.

I love to network! I connect people to other people and to places that can meet their needs. Just to name a few of the minor “miracles” God helped me to work in my lifetime: I find jobs, free furniture, future mates, best friends, free food, a new doctor and home assistance for people in need. Another talent and particular love for me is to mentor women, both younger and older. I love to listen and give sympathy, as well as empathy whenever I experienced the same malady they confide in me. I enjoy sharing the lessons I have learned in my life with women who are following in my spiritual footsteps. I also pass out our business cards, which have the plan of salvation included, to every new person that I meet. I invite them to call if they are ever in need of a friend, and to visit us at church whenever they have the time.

The best advice I could give to another Pastor’s wife is to talk with your husband in advance about the roles he expects you, as his wife, to fill in your current church. If he has unrealistic expectations, clarify how you feel about them and then suggest alternatives. Once you both agree, then he can help to protect you from the unreasonable expectations of some members of the congregation. Also, you will be more likely to be on the same page when challenges arise and to feel more content with your results when you agree on what roles are yours. If you know ahead of time what you feel called to do, then you can quickly volunteer for what you like to do. When a need arises in the church, which stresses you out or that you are uncomfortable with filling, then you can remind the congregant that you are already committed with other ministries and do not have the time to take on anything else.

Of course, the most important ministry of the Pastor’s Wife is to be the wife of the Pastor! I love, respect and admire my husband. I show this by speaking words of encouragement to counteract all of the doubts Satan sows in his mind throughout the day. I walk with him through every setback. I cheer him on through every victory. I laugh at his jokes – even those which make me look silly. I do not keep his long hours, but I do more than my fair share in order to help lessen his pressures. I always have a clean house, a stocked refrigerator, and clean, ironed clothes waiting for him each morning.

Overall, a Pastor and his family usually enjoy a very good experience in the churches to which they minister. I compare it to having a very big family looking out for you and caring for one another’s needs. My husband and I approach the ministry as something we do together, and that makes it very fulfilling for both of us. A spiritually active, outgoing pastor's wife is a valuable asset to any church in today's climate of apathy to the things of God.

Prayer:
King Jesus, lead us and keep us by Your Spirit every moment of every day. Help us to walk in Your ways and to accomplish everything You set out for us to do every day. Protect us from evil and provide for all of our daily needs. In Jesus’ name and for Your glory today and always.

Thought for the Day:
People who live in glass houses can never cast the first stone.