A Good Marriage - Sandpaper Spouse

 

Over time, our spouse often turns into a "sandpaper" person who gets on our nerves…an irritation that causes abrasions and discomfort on our soul. We want to turn away from them, rather than to embrace them.

However, this only compounds the irritation, because they try harder to gain our attention and to communicate their needs. They are like the continual drip of a leaky faucet - nerve wracking, torture to our soul (Proverbs 25:24, 27:15).

We tend to avoid and ignore them or to brush them aside, taking them for granted and not showering them with love, gratitude and affirmation they are crying out to receive.

We do not want to be bothered by their neediness. We start to resent them and Satan helps bitterness and anger to grow in our soul toward them. This makes them more insecure and increases their neediness and pleas for our attention and help.

We often attempt to placate them, give them a pat on the head and expect them to go away and to take care of their own needs. Unfortunately, although they do minister to many of their own needs and the needs of others in your sphere of family, church family and friends, some of what they need can only be supplied by their spouse…and that is YOU! 

We say that we "love" them, but Agape love looks beyond their behavior or words to the cry of their soul. We access God's compassion and see His desire for us to minister to them as the spouse He created us to be. 

We start focusing on their needs, and appreciating all the little things they do for us each and every day.

Surprisingly, this loving attention will help to heal much of their behavior which irritates us in the first place. They will be more secure in our relationship with them and more content with life in general.

Prayer:

Father God, teach us that we can accomplish much more to alleviate the irritation of the Sandpaper People in our life by giving them our undivided and focused attention, taking them seriously when they share their needs, and working out with them a solution to their issues that we can fit into our regular, daily schedule.

At times, this requires sacrifice on our part. You teach us to alter our priorities to include them, to take time away from our pursuits to meet their needs, or to focus on their needs as well as on our own. We have to lay down our life for them, and we tend to resent this. Help us to gain the mind of Christ in our relationships and to cherish those You place in our life as the treasure that they truly are.

Thought for the Day:

Loving Sandpaper People in the way that they need to be loved, not in a way that makes our life easier or decreases our responsibility to them, makes them feel special and improves our quality of life as well as theirs; we stop treating them as the hired help and realize that they are the treasures that God intends for them to be in our life.

Escaping Fiery Darts and Entrapping Sins

Satan attempts to use the sin in the world and in people dwelling all around us to inflict us with physical and emotional wounds. He delights in deceiving us and inflicting pain through the destruction of sin.

God tells us to draw near to him and to resist the devil, and the devil has to flee (James 4:7). We can avoid many of life's tragedies and their consequences by walking in the Spirit instead of in the flesh (Galatians 5:15-25).

There are inevitable consequences of life on this sin-cursed earth, such as certain illnesses and death; yet, it is often the foods we eat and products we use on our body and in our home, as well as the people in our life, which contribute to our unnecessary illness and untimely death.

If we realize that we are raised with Christ and hidden with Him in God, we understand that God has ultimate control over our life. We keep our self free from the pursuit and love of money and escape undue stress and its effects on our body, soul and spirit.

Jesus calls us to seek Heavenly matters and wisdom from the right hand of God where He is sitting (Colossians 3:1-3). We learn to obey His Spirit and to live contentedly with what He provides.

God's great love and compassion never fail and prevent us from being consumed by sin, the devil and the world. God faithfully provides His mercy for us each new morning (Lamentations 3:22-23).

We awaken to a whole new day of His provision and protection. As we are still before God and listen to His voice, we know God in an intimate relationship, and find His peace in uncertainty.

He never leaves or forsakes us and He abides within our spirit and protects our body and soul from the ravages of this world (Hebrews 13:5). Born of God, we overcome this world and enjoy His victory through our belief and faith in Christ (1 John 5:4-5).

Prayer:

Father God, life is so uncertain and we constantly wonder what will happen tomorrow to throw a wrench in the works. You give us the faith of Christ, which helps us to realize that life's challenges are really adventures when You are involved in them with us. As we focus our faith in Your faithfulness, we enjoy life so much more.

You are Creator and Savior and are always in charge, even when we wander from Your will. Your love never changes and You always draw us back to the protection of Your straight and narrow road (Matthew 7:14). We look forward to You coming for Your Saints, but we thank You too for overcoming this world in and through us until You do.

Thought for the Day:

Christ in us enables us to escape the fiery darts of the devil and to protect us from reaping the destruction of the sins, which so easily trap us in their grip.
 - Ephesians 6:16; Hebrews 12:1

The Truth about Love

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​There are three common types of love. Each one is distinctly different, but we can feel all of them at one time - for one person or many people. EROS is passionate physical love. It includes sensual desires and longing.

Relationships built only on Eros usually end when sexual passion wanes. That is why people have affairs or casual physical relationships. Therefore, marriage needs more than Eros to survive.

PHILIA means friendship and connotes affectionate love between friends and family. It displays dispassionate camaraderie. Philia includes loyalty to friends, family and community. It exhibits Godly virtue, impartiality and delight.

Philia denotes a friendly type of affection between family and friends. It is a desire for companionship and enjoying activities with each other. Having a friendship with the people in your life and enjoying time to play, pray and share in common pursuits is vital in any relationship.

AGAPE means unconditional love. It refers to a deep sense of God's pure, holy love. Instead of the sexual attraction of Eros or the deep affection of Philia, Agape is sacrificial.

Agape provides us with the feeling of contentment and satisfaction as we put each other first and highly esteem one another as better than our self (Philippians 2:3-4). True love takes effort and is not dependent on the other person.

Christ lives in us and is love personified. Regardless of how someone treats us, we love them with God's love within us. It is not how we feel, but what we do to express God's love to one another.

This does not mean that we do not honestly communicate to others how their behavior makes us feel; but we never give up on the relationship. We may have to establish boundaries, but we keep the relationship active.

Love is not what we expect from others, but what we provide for those in our life whom we care about. We are called to love one another, just as Christ loves us. Sometimes, that is a tall order to fill.

Prayer:

Father God, help us to display love to our parents, spouse, children, church family and even strangers regardless of how they treat us. This is only possible as we submit to Your will for our life and allow Your Spirit to reprogram our thinking to have the mind of Christ. Remind us that once we have this spiritual love, then the physical and the emotional feelings will follow after it.

Cause us to submit our self to You and to resist the devil. Then he must flee from us (James 4:7). His destructive suggestions that putting our self first, estrangement and divorce are not wrong, and that You want us to be happy, will vanish with his departure. Remind us that You want us to be holy. Help us to develop Agape love for others as we focus on submitting our self to You. 

Thought for the Day:

Most people realize that we are far from loving one another with true self-sacrificing, lasting and sincere love; Eros and Philia come and go throughout the years, and they are never intense for long periods of time, but Agape lasts forever.