A Good Marriage - Sandpaper Spouse

 

Over time, our spouse often turns into a "sandpaper" person who gets on our nerves…an irritation that causes abrasions and discomfort on our soul. We want to turn away from them, rather than to embrace them.

However, this only compounds the irritation, because they try harder to gain our attention and to communicate their needs. They are like the continual drip of a leaky faucet - nerve wracking, torture to our soul (Proverbs 25:24, 27:15).

We tend to avoid and ignore them or to brush them aside, taking them for granted and not showering them with love, gratitude and affirmation they are crying out to receive.

We do not want to be bothered by their neediness. We start to resent them and Satan helps bitterness and anger to grow in our soul toward them. This makes them more insecure and increases their neediness and pleas for our attention and help.

We often attempt to placate them, give them a pat on the head and expect them to go away and to take care of their own needs. Unfortunately, although they do minister to many of their own needs and the needs of others in your sphere of family, church family and friends, some of what they need can only be supplied by their spouse…and that is YOU! 

We say that we "love" them, but Agape love looks beyond their behavior or words to the cry of their soul. We access God's compassion and see His desire for us to minister to them as the spouse He created us to be. 

We start focusing on their needs, and appreciating all the little things they do for us each and every day.

Surprisingly, this loving attention will help to heal much of their behavior which irritates us in the first place. They will be more secure in our relationship with them and more content with life in general.

Prayer:

Father God, teach us that we can accomplish much more to alleviate the irritation of the Sandpaper People in our life by giving them our undivided and focused attention, taking them seriously when they share their needs, and working out with them a solution to their issues that we can fit into our regular, daily schedule.

At times, this requires sacrifice on our part. You teach us to alter our priorities to include them, to take time away from our pursuits to meet their needs, or to focus on their needs as well as on our own. We have to lay down our life for them, and we tend to resent this. Help us to gain the mind of Christ in our relationships and to cherish those You place in our life as the treasure that they truly are.

Thought for the Day:

Loving Sandpaper People in the way that they need to be loved, not in a way that makes our life easier or decreases our responsibility to them, makes them feel special and improves our quality of life as well as theirs; we stop treating them as the hired help and realize that they are the treasures that God intends for them to be in our life.

In Complete Trust and Rest

Our work in our own self-effort actually hinders the work of the Lord (2 Chronicles 5:14). We spin our wheels by attempting to make things happen on our own. We end up frustrated, anxious and even angry at times.

Yet, if we put our needs and the direction of our life into God's capable hands, and allow His Holy Spirit to guide each moment of our day, we end up in the right place at the right time.

If we do not have what we want or what we think we need, we can be sure that God does not think we need it at this moment of time. We often get bored and want a change or feel desperate in some area and decide that we know what is best for us.

Yet, when we release all negative emotions and wait on the Lord's direction, we end up receiving even more and infinitely better than we ever had in our whole life (Ephesians 3:20-21).

My sister-in-Christ needed a new house. She combed the papers daily and worked with several rental agencies, desperate to find a new place to live. She falsely believed that it was up to her to relocate her family.

After many months and an inordinate amount of stress and time of spinning her wheels, she gave up, prayed for God's will and timing and entered His rest. She listened to His Spirit each succeeding day. Within a week, she had the perfect home for her family.

Another Believer had a similar story with a job. When she decided to abide in God's rest, she lost her desperate drive. She joyfully turned down a few jobs that God made clear to her were not His will for her. Within a month she had the best job in which she ever worked in her entire life and is so fulfilled and joyful now.

A widowed Believer strongly desired a new husband. She tried every avenue she could think of to find a husband. Once she surrendered her need to the Lord, she had peace and enjoyed her life as a single person.

Two years later, she met her new husband at the sickbed of a dear friend. The ailing woman highly recommended each of her single friends to one another and they started dating.

Within a few weeks, they realized that they were very much in love, enjoying the complete peace of the Lord and were married at the bedside of their dying friend. Years later, they are still head over heels in love with one another.

As we cease from our striving and trade our self-efforts for surrender to God's will, we start to serve God from a position of rest, daily obedience to His Spirit's guidance and an uncompromising desire to live in the center of God's will (Philippians 4:7).

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for teaching us to cease from living life in our own wisdom and strength, and from running through life with anxiety and stress, which make us unhappy and unfulfilled in every way. Help us to be grateful to You for every aspect of our life and to be satisfied with Your provision and timing.

Enable us to enter into Your complete trust and rest (John 14:27). Help us to be more concerned with Your will than our own, more eager to seek Your Kingdom than our own, and realizing that You will give us everything we need in Your timing and way (Matthew 6:33).

Thought for the Day:

Let gratitude for God's daily provision, as well as the peace of the Lord, fill your heart to overflowing, trusting God to work out all things for your ultimate good. 

- Colossians 3:15; Romans 8:28

It's Your Choice

 

Brokenness can either push you toward God or away from Him. If we allow discouragement to cause us to live in bitterness and anger, we will blame God. However, if we realize worldly temptations, sin and the devil cause these negative aspects to occur, then we will surrender to God. What Satan tries to use for our demise, God turns around for our good.

Overwhelming helplessness is a fork in the road. We choose which way we will go. If we decide to hate God, our life only gets worse, nothing works out for us, and in the end, we are hardened and lonely. If we settle into following hard after God, His grace helps us to climb the mountain of our pain into His waiting arms (Psalm 63:8; 1 Corinthians 15:10; Isaiah 40:11). He binds up our wounds and ultimately heals us (Psalm 147:3).

We cannot possibly be in control of every situation in our life; but God is. God had a hedge of protection around His servant Job. Satan believed that Job would curse God; so he got permission to all but destroy him. God knew Job's heart. When Job clung to God through every conceivable trial know to man, God blessed him with more than Satan destroyed (Job 42:10).

When our flesh and heart fail us, God strengthens us. He is our portion - all we need to prosper in this life (Psalm 73:26). There is no need to give in to discouragement or fear, because our God is always with us and holds us in the palm of His hand (Isaiah 41:10). God calls us to come to Him, so that He can give us His rest (Matthew 11:28).

If we yoke up with Christ throughout our life and learn from Him, our soul finds deepening rest. He makes every burden light, because He is on the other side of the yoke with us (Matthew 11:29-30). Jesus gives us His peace, which is more intense than anything this world has to offer. His peace helps us to overcome every fear, and all confusion and distress (John 14:27).

Prayer:
Father God, Your power is perfected in our weaknesses. We can actually glory in our idiosyncrasies and foibles, because then the power of Christ rests on us. Through it all, Your grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9). Remind us to trust in You with every part of our soul - our mind, will and emotions - and not to rely on our human understanding. If we acknowledge You in all of our thoughts, words and deeds, You will encourage and direct us (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Thought for the Day:

Give your brokenness to God, because He will sustain His righteous Saints and not allow us to be shaken by our circumstances. - Psalm 55:22

God Hates Divorce

God takes divorce and infidelity personally, especially if the other person is faithful to his or her vows. The Lord made it very clear that He will not accept the worship of a person who makes a vow to their husband or wife and then is unfaithful to their partner. God wants couples to remain loyal to one another (Hebrews 13:4-7).

In today's world, divorce is considered a convenience, especially if one or the other party is unhappy. We call evil good and believe that God is fine with it, but He is not. In marriage, God makes two people one flesh in body and soul (Genesis 2:22-24; Matthew 19:4-6). He desires godly children from this union. He considers divorce as an act of overwhelming cruelty. That is why God hates divorce.

When we reject the Word of the Lord, we lose our credibility. We are no longer wise, but foolish. When a person is unfaithful to the Lord, God will sometimes take their mate from them and give their mate and their possessions to someone else. Then the cruel and unloving mate will be cast down from the Lord's favor (Malachi 2:14-17; Jeremiah 8:8-12)

God desires for us to choose to be fulfilled with our mate, and to let their good points make us happy. If we surround our mate with love, even if they are mean or inattentive, then God's blessings will be on us (Proverbs 5:18-19). Most people do not just decide to be harsh or angry or neglectful for the fun of it! They are wounded individuals who need God's healing (James 5:16 www.theophostic.com ).

Prayer:

Father God, teach wives to live in submission to their husband and teach husbands to gladly lay down their life for their wife, just like Jesus did for us. There is not a man alive that does not love his own body, so help him to love his wife just as he does himself. Help us to submit to one another out of respect for You. Remind us that we are complete in You, regardless of the circumstances in our marriage and in our life (Ephesians 5:21-22; Colossians 2:10).

Thought for the Day:

Every godly husband loves his wife as he loves himself and every authentic Christian wife will respect her husband. - Ephesians 5:23