Healing from Abusive Behavior - Part 1

 

Abuse, even a one-time moment of rage that used abuse as punishment or an attempt to control the victim, robs us of our innocence and makes us feel powerless over our own life.

It drives us into a codependent role - attempting to please others to keep them from abusing us. The problem with this faulty thinking is that it often has the opposite effect.

People tend to continue to abuse our good nature, take us for granted and treat us with contempt. A lack of appreciation and more verbal, mental and physical abuse may follow.

We strive throughout our life to lay down our life in hopes that someone will love us; but we actually teach them that it is okay to take advantage of us, because we constantly put our needs last.

Trauma does not always make us stronger. It may also make us a ball of nerves, fear and insecurity. We are actually weaker, because we are always on the defensive.

We may develop PTSD, much like any survivor of a battle zone, and react to life with this fractured thinking and behavior. Medication may be necessary to help us to remain calm and lucid until God heals us ( www.theophostic.com ).

Journaling helps us to heal by allowing our Inner Parent to understand the deep wounds we experienced and to nurture our Inner Child as we turn our words into a prayer for God's healing.

Prayer:

Father God, I pray for victims of abuse of every type. Give them the deep comfort that can only come from Your love. Restore to them their joy in life and remove from them the fears and insecurities, which plague their life. Redeem their heart and mind and give them a new outlook on life.

Teach them that although people may not be trustworthy, You are always trustworthy. Help us to remain vulnerable and kind, yet wary and wise (Matthew 10:16). Show us the balance between serving others without teaching them to take us for granted by always putting our needs last.

Thought for the Day:

God's perfect goodness and love find expression in the midst of wickedness and degradation; because He experiences every slight right along with us and carries our pain and burden for us, if we will relinquish it to Him.

New Strides in Life

 

American youth grow up under the assumption that we can achieve the American dream. We go to college and we obtain job experience to guarantee our future success. However, life often careens out of our control. We pull our self up by our bootstraps and try all over again, shaking off the depression and hopelessness nipping at our heels.

Time after time, life sends us debilitating storms. We end up treading water, feeling like we will drown. There comes a time in everyone's life that we eventually admit that we are ultimately powerless to overcome the negative aspects of our life. Some people give up, and end up with physical and mental illnesses; some turn to addictions; and some realize that we need a savior outside of our self (Romans 7:18).

First, we attempt to trust in a person to bail us out. We get into codependent relationships that seem to stifle us in the end. In order to reinstate our sanity, we eventually realize that we must come to believe in a higher power. Some people try Eastern religions, positive thinking or something that epitomizes wholeness to them. This lasts for a little while, but often fizzles out, because our spirit is still dead in sin.

Everyone ever born has an innate knowledge of God within their soul, and they are yearning for their spirit to be reborn (John 3:1-21). Once we come to Christ as our Higher Power, He helps us to clear our conscience of the dead works of unforgiveness, anger, resentment, bitterness, etc. He is greater than anything this world has to offer (Philippians 2:13).

He also reminds us of people to whom we need to ask forgiveness, and He helps us to make amends for the harm we perpetrated on their life (Lamentations 3:40; Luke 6:31; Matthew 5:23-24). We can obtain Christian counseling or find an accountability partner to continually hold us responsible to walk in God's Truth (James 5:16; 1 Corinthians 10:12).

As we humble our self before the Lord, He replaces our moral deficiencies with the fruit of His Spirit (James 4:10; Galatians 5:22-23). We come to know Him intimately, and He progressively exchanges our carnal nature for His divine nature (2 Peter 1:4). God assures us of His love, which transcends our human understanding. Filling us with His Spirit He slowly and deliberately floods our entire being with Himself (Ephesians 3:19).

Prayer:

Father God, remind us that no one is perfect, and we can forgive those who harmed us and ask forgiveness from those whom we have harmed. As we pray and read Your Word, draw us closer to You, tell us Your Will for each moment of our life, and give us the power to carry it out (Philippians 2:12-13; Colossians 3:16). Thank You for totally forgiving us for our transgressions of Your law and for sanctifying us daily as we walk toward Your perfection (1 John 1:9; Matthew 5:48).

Thought for the Day:

Nothing but living in service to Jesus Christ can fill the void that continually haunts our life. - Romans 12:1

Be Still and Know

Salvation through Jesus Christ is a free gift; we do not earn it by our beliefs or our behavior (Romans 6:23). The gift of God's presence, however, entails our obedience and love for Him. Walking in God's Spirit allows us to maintain this constant communion with the lover of our soul (Galatians 5:16-25). It also helps to stop the good activities, which we are invited to participate in, from becoming the enemy of God's best for us.  

Constant busyness keeps us in continual stress and turmoil.  Do we really need a two family income, a new car, family phones, premium cable channels, clothes from the mall, the hottest toys on the market, etc? Some people work two or three jobs to supply their family with the lifestyle they believe they need. When does the workaholic have time to spend alone with God, family and friends?

Our hectic lifestyle prevents us from entering into the rest of God's presence (Hebrews 4:1-16); but as we love the Lord with our entire heart, having no idols in His place and ordering our steps to seek Him throughout the day, He will provide us with His love and guidance (Proverbs 3:5-6). We always walk in fulfillment and we find joy in the simplest revelation of His goodness.

Alone (All-one) time with God allows us to enter that place of abiding, which connects and fills us with His Holy Spirit. Abiding provides us with an opportunity to enter God’s rest, to soak up His presence and to operate from a sense of His peace. His joy gives us needed vitality to meet the trials of the day (Psalm 46:1-3). His wisdom and goodness help us to succeed.

Prayer:

Father God, remind us to make time every day to stop all activity and to cuddle in Your lap, like the little children that we are (Matthew 19:14). Help us to allow You to immerse us in Your love as we love You with our whole heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). We admit that we are powerless and cannot control the events in our life, so we relinquish all control to You and Your perfect will for our life. 

Thought for the Day:

Take time to be still and to focus on the fact that God is God and there is no other like Him. – Psalm 46:10

Powerless to Control

We usually start life under the assumption that we can achieve the American dream, but life often careens out of our control. We eventually admit that we are ultimately powerless to overcome the negative aspects of our life, and we realize that we need a Savior outside of our self (Romans 7:18).

First, we attempt to trust in a person to bail us out. We get into codependent relationships that seem to stifle us in the end. In order to reinstate our sanity, we eventually realize that we must come to believe in a power, which is greater than anything this world has to offer (Philippians 2:13).

Some people try Eastern religions, positive thinking or something that epitomizes wholeness to them. This lasts for a little while, but often fizzles out. Everyone ever born has an innate knowledge of God within his or her soul, yearning for their spirit to be reborn (Romans 1:19-23). We all have a body and soul - our mind, will and emotions, but our spirit is dead until we come to Christ (John 3:1-21).

Once we come to Christ, He helps us to clear our conscience of dead works. Feelings of unforgiveness, anger, resentment, bitterness and more melt away at His presence in our life. He also helps us to think of people to whom we need to ask forgiveness, and He helps us to make amends for the harm we perpetrated on their life  (Lamentations 3:40; Luke 6:31; Matthew 5:23-24).

It is wise to obtain Christian counseling and discipleship, and to share with someone who will continually hold us accountable as we walk in God's Truth (James 5:16; 1 Corinthians 10:12). As we humble our self before the Lord, He replaces our moral deficiencies with the fruit of His Spirit (James 4:10; Galatians 5:22-23). He loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

Prayer:

Father God, remind us that no one is perfect. We can forgive those who harm us and ask forgiveness from those whom we hurt. As we pray and read Your Word, draw us closer to You, tell us Your Will for our life each moment and give us the power to carry it out (Philippians 2:12-13; Ephesians 2:10; Colossians 3:16). Thank You for totally forgiving us for our transgressions of Your ways. Sanctify us daily as we walk toward Your perfection (1 John 1:9; Matthew 5:48).

Thought for the Day:

Nothing but living in service to Jesus Christ can fill the void that continually haunts our life. - Romans 12:1

Our Futile Self-Life

In our finite existence, we experience many areas of life, which are so painful and almost impossible to survive. However, with God, all things are possible (Luke 18:27). So, when God dwells in us, we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37), and we can accomplish whatever He calls us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Outside of His anointing, we are powerless and our efforts are futile (John 15:5). We reap no lasting value from all of our earnest, but frantic works for God.

In truth, God does not expect us to succeed apart from Him. As Paul declares, we often concede to sin when we actually want to walk in holiness. We cannot even achieve many of the spiritual goals we set for our self (Romans 7:15-24). There is no shame in this. The shame comes when we persist in living for God from our own self-efforts. We continually fall short, and we live in disgrace and depression because of our failures.


Our attitudes influence our body, soul and spirit. Criticism, gossip, self-pity, depression, anger and bitterness all strongly impact our soul, which in turn affects our body and spirit. Once we realize the futility of attempting holiness on our own, we can sigh in relief and stop disparaging and demeaning our character or someone else’s failings (Proverbs 15:4, 18:21). Living a holy life is impossible for us, but more than possible for Christ in us (Colossians 1:27).


Our part is to guard our body, soul and spirit and to live in surrender to God’s will (Proverbs 4:23; Proverbs 3:5-6). As we meditate on God’s precepts and guard what we focus on, we will mirror His Word and delight in His Truth (Psalm 119:15-16). We are all lost and undone on our own, but Christ is victorious in and through us. When we come to the end of our self-efforts and completely surrender to God’s Spirit and Lordship, then God can actually use us for His glory.


Prayer:

Father God, we know that Your power is manifest only in our helplessness. As we daily surrender to Your will, You conquer our self-life and fleshly carnality. We are in Your care and You live out Your will in our surrendered life. We are strengthened by Your might in our inner core (Ephesians 3:14-21). Holiness and consecration bring revival in us and in Your church, so help us to deepen our union with You in all things.

Thought for the Day:

It is only as we realize our utter human hopelessness, and depend entirely on God, that He can use us for His glory.

 

 

The Benefits of Believing

Anger previously peppered our life, and rose from the disappointments we experience from conception, and which intensified throughout the years. Some have a more violent past than others, but we all suffered from deprivation, violence, permissiveness and/or wickedness in one form or another. Salvation eliminates much of our anger. Christ frees us and heals the pain of our past and gives us courage to face the future.

The second asset we receive with salvation is the blanket of peace, which defies human explanation and envelops every fiber of our being (Philippians 4:7). We suddenly realize that we are not alone (Hebrews 13:5). We have no need to struggle through life any longer. Rather than seeing life as full of hopelessness, we see that all things are now possible, because Christ lives in us (Luke 18:27). In our exhaustion, we yoke up with Jesus and find fulfilling rest (Matthew 11:28:390; Hebrews 4:10).

Jealousy and envy no longer rot our bones (Proverbs 14:40), because we realize that God does not love another person better than He loves me. He loves us all enough to go to Calvary’s cross and bear the penalty of our shameful sins. Problems only arise when we compare our life to someone else’s and focus on what we do not have, rather than to live in gratitude for what we do have. God works all things, even bad things, out for the ultimate good (Romans 8:28; John 3:16, 3:34).

We are filled with God’s Spirit (Romans 8:9). We are able to accomplish the works God created for us to do (Ephesians 2:10), because we can do anything now that Christ abides within us (Philippians 4:13, 19). When we feel defeated, His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9; Psalm 91:15). God works in and through us as we walk in His Spirit (Galatians 5:16-25). We are still powerless alone, but Christ in us is infinitely able. We are now more than conquerors and nothing separates us from His love (2 Corinthians 9:8; Romans 8:37-39).

Prayer:

Father God, You are our Everything (Psalms 23 & 91). There is not a hair on our head that grows in or falls out, which You do not see (Matthew 10:30). You give us wisdom to face the challenges of life (1 Corinthians 1:30), and You walk within us every step of the way (Hebrews 13:5). Each day, we acknowledge You and You direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6). When life worries or frustrates us, we can cast every care on Your shoulders, because You care for us infinitely more than we even care about our self (1 Peter 5:7).

Thought for the Day:

When I feel like I can no longer face the challenges of life, I realize that the King of Kings forgives me and provides me with love, power and a calm mind, which allows me to obey His will. - 1 John 1:9, Romans 8:1-2, 2 Timothy 1:7

Overcoming Stress

 

If we ignore the signs of stress, we end up with:

·cognitive problems such as lapses in memory and concentration, worry or poor judgment;

·emotional indications such as moodiness, agitation, isolation and depression;

·physical issues such as aches, pains, bowel issues, chest pain, frequent colds and sexual dysfunction;

·behavioral symptoms such as loss of appetite, sleeplessness, procrastination, addictions and nervous habits.

When I was 40 years old, my former husband divorced me. I thank God that He used a potentially crippling event in my life to teach me valuable spiritual lessons that improved every area of my life. I worked four jobs at one time in order to pay my bills and to start a savings for those unexpected issues in life that demand payment. After keeping up this schedule for over a year, I almost killed myself! I got sicker than I have ever been in my whole life before or since that time. I was trusting in myself to provide for my needs, rather than to trust God to continue to meet them.

Past and current circumstances not only affect our health, but also our emotional, mental, behavioral and spiritual equilibrium. The unexpected situations in our life expose our deepest fears. When our workplace, home life or community involvement start developing into a pressure-packed existence, and the demands on our life prove unrealistic, this calls for prayer to submit them to the Lord. God calls us to live a life totally surrendered to Him and led by His Spirit, rather than one driven by the expectations of people or events in our life.

The opposite of surrender is control. We try with all of our might to hang on, to fix it, to change it, to manage it or to try to make it better. Trying to maintain control of life is impossible, frustrating and ineffective. We attempt, by the sheer power of our will, to hold everything together. We think we have to handle our problems on our own. Controlling usually produces the opposite effect of what we want. Our dependency on anything other than God: addictions, people, places, jobs, things, animals, etc. - puts us into bondage to them. Only God’s love and Spirit produce true liberty.

God’s Spirit will lead us through our day at work, home, community, church and at play as long as we take the time to seek His will. God wants us to let go of trying to control everything, and to admit that we are powerless and we need His power in our life. This is the first step toward healing. God pleads with us to LET GOD BE GOD in our life. When we surrender to God, He always works out everything, even the negative things, for our good (Romans 8:28). We cannot change people or all of our circumstances, but God can.

Surrender is the doorway to freedom. It is a state of brokenness, of total dependence upon God, of receiving God’s forgiveness and of having a personal, daily relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. In addition to surrender, God calls us to believe that His power truly can overcome any person or circumstance in our life. God wants us to completely surrender our will to His and to be vulnerable before Him. This is called “dying to self”.

This concept does not mean that we diminish our God given identity, personality, needs or giftedness. It simply means allowing God to replace our old, carnal, sinful nature with His holy, compassionate, spiritual nature. We allow God to call the shots and to direct us according to His will instead of living according to our own goals, plans and ambitions. Job tells us that if we submit to God and live at peace in Him, He brings prosperity to us in every area of life (Job 22:21).

Prayer:

Father God, you told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Then he decided that from then on that he would boast all the more gladly about his weaknesses, so that Christ’s power would grow stronger in him. That is why, for Christ’s sake, he started to delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. He discovered the secret of the Christian life: When we are weak, then we are strong (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10). Thank You for being our one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.

Thought for the Day:

If Jesus is on the throne of our life, and we live in full surrender to Him every moment of every day, we live and walk in true Serenity. 

A Whole New Life

Read: Romans 5: 6-10

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself." - Luke 10:27

You may be experiencing the worse that life has to offer. Maybe you lost your home, your mate, your child or your job. You may be devastated right now with your stomach in knots, confusion ambushing your mind and no resources to depend upon. Do not attempt to get through these distressing and demoralizing times by yourself. You may put a bandage on the problems, but this is simply a temporary and superficial healing.

There is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). He will walk with you and guide you through the depths of your grief, suffering and uncertainty. There is no other friend that compares to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ (1 John 3:1). In Christ, the healing from your loss will be total and complete. If you do not have the Lord Jesus Christ in your life, I want to encourage you come to know Him as your personal Savior. His love will never let you go.

You may think that God could never love you because of all the wrong actions and decisions you made in your life. There are numerous accounts in the Bible where God forgave vile sinners. God loves each person the same. You can be confident of His unconditional love for you (John 3:16). All He wants is for you to believe and cease your sinful behavior (Matthew 21:32). Then, He will reach down his Father’s arms and pick you up and hold you until your fears and pain are gone (Psalm 68:5). The Holy Spirit will restore your life to sanity, stability and order if you will follow His leading moment by moment throughout your day.

Have the courage to completely release the shredded remnants of your existence and embrace His will for your life. He hears the prayers of the afflicted (Psalm 10:17). He encourages us and listens to us when we cry out to Him (1 John 5: 14-15; Psalm 54:2). He keeps every one of our tears in a bottle and records them in His book (Psalm 56:8). He defends the fatherless, the oppressed and the widow. He removes the terror from our life (Psalm 10:17-18). Surrendering your life to Christ is the first step of faith. If you sincerely pray to release control over your life to God, He will immediately act upon it. The words of your prayers are not as important as your heartfelt motives.

At just the right moment, when we were powerless over sin and our ungodly ways, Christ died for us. While we were still sinning, God demonstrated His love for us by sending His only begotten Son to die in our place. Jesus justifies us by His blood and saves us from God’s wrath. Even when we were still God’s enemies, Jesus reconciled us to God by His death and saved us through His life (Romans 5: 6-10). Once we repent of our sins, God remembers them no more (Romans 8:1; Hebrews 8:12).

Jesus is the only way, truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him (John 14:6). We cannot enter heaven through our own good deeds or morally upright behavior. We cannot go to heaven by joining a church, getting baptized or living in a Christian home. Salvation is a free gift from God and there is no way we can boast about it (Ephesians 2: 8-10). Eternal life is free, but only those who believe in and surrender control of their lives to Jesus will receive it (John 3:36).

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, I turn complete control of my life over to You. Thank You for forgiving me of my self-centered lifestyle. Thank You for adopting me into Your family. Hold me, protect me, nurture me and comfort me. Reassure me that You have everything under Your control. Thank You for plucking me out of my old lifestyle and giving me this wondrous new life in You. I will live each day in Your will with the knowledge that You already secured for me my eternal destination. Thank You for all you do for all of us each and every day.

Thought for the Day:

God’s love for us defies description, because it is more than we can comprehend.

Let God Be God

 Read: Titus 3:3-7

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good to hope silently for the salvation of the Lord. - Lamentations 3:24-26

We all adopt survival techniques from birth, which we carry with us into adulthood. Even though our caretakers did their best in most cases, they were not always available to make sure that we had what we needed at the time that we needed it. This caused us to grow up relying on and protecting our self.

Therefore, we try, by the sheer power of our will, to hold everything together. We think that we have to handle our problems on our own. We search, often in vain, for any sense of security in life. We use all of our might to hang on, to fix it, to change it, to manage it or to try to make it right. God wants us to LET GO and to admit that we are powerless and that we need His power in our life.

One reason that people are reluctant to trust God is that they blame God for the bad things that happen in life. This launches us into a lifestyle of controlling. Controlling life puts a tremendous amount of stress on us. We suffer mentally, emotionally and physically because we try to hold everything together. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We think that keeping our self and our loved ones safe is up to us.

We forget that God created paradise as His will for our lives. Actually, sin in our life and the lives of everyone around us causes negative situations to occur. The key to remember is that when we surrender to God, He always works everything out for our good, even the negative things (Romans 8:28).

God knows everything from the beginning to the end of our life. He sees the pitfalls and He knows the joys, which He prepared for each of us. Only as we surrender our will to His can we know the true riches of life on this earth (Romans 8: 28; Jeremiah 29:11). Admitting we are powerless and that we need Him is the first step toward serenity and healing. Let God be God in your life.

God wants us to completely surrender our will to His and to stand defenseless before Him. To surrender means to cease resistance and to submit to authority. That may sound like walking into bondage, but surrender is actually the doorway to freedom. This is called “dying to self.” Pride will not surrender. Self-righteousness will not surrender. Fear will not surrender. Only those who are totally broken are ready to surrender and to live with total dependence upon God. God does not take our free will away from us. He simply asks us to surrender our will to His.

When we surrender to God, we say, “Go ahead, Lord, and have Your way with me.” We allow Him to humble our pride and to stop our reliance on our self as we put our life into His capable hands. He will then restore us to the person He intends for us to be, free of mental and emotional pain and guilt and equipped to serve Him in His chosen ministry for us.

Trying to control our life usually produces the OPPOSITE effect of what we want. Our dependency on anything other than God - addictions, people, places, jobs, things, animals - puts us into bondage to them. Only God’s love produces true freedom.

WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG (2 Corinthians 12:10). When we stop trying to control life and give our control over to God, we allow Him to provide for and to protect us. His mighty power starts working in us and through us. When we surrender our life to Him, He accomplishes infinitely more in and through our life than we could ever ask or think (Ephesians 3: 20).

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to get off the throne of my life and relinquish control of my life to You. Life is chaotic when I am on the throne. Life is peaceful and calm when You are on the throne, and only then can I live and walk in true serenity.

Thought for the Day:

Surrender each moment of your day to the Lord and rejoice evermore.



(Many thanks to Donny Roberston for his photo.)