Creative Conflict in Marriage

A good marriage takes effort. When two - usually opposite - personalities combine under one roof, they often end up donning the boxing gloves and duking it out! Of course there is a simpler solution.

God gives us these diverse personalities and gifts, because together we can make wiser decisions. When we are at an impasse, we take the best from both of us and make a third, mutually agreeable choice which makes so much more sense.

By keeping our eyes on Jesus, we find God's perspective and will, and we walk together in peace through His Spirit. We find comfort and wisdom from God's Word and encourage one another (Psalm 119:71, 75-76).

We join our strengths and help one another to overcome our individual weaknesses. This takes humility, and pride will only gum up the works. Having to be right and the need to have one's own needs met first are no basis for wise decisions - they are part of our insecurities.

Together we help each other overcome our idiosyncrasies and failings and guarantee that our unified decisions are in God's will. Rather than accuse and fight when we disagree, we can brainstorm for that third alternative.

Trials and tribulation are easier to handle when faced together. Our frustration, discouragement and disappointments are shared by someone who loves us unconditionally. We comfort each other in our self-doubt.

God has a purpose in every trial, and He plants the seed for a miracle in each one of them (1 Peter 4:12). He works out all of them for our ultimate good. Both partners in the marriage are blessed as we keep each other strong and face life's devastating events as lovers and friends.

Our intimacy with God and with one another strengthens through every trial, which we face together. We learn to depend on one another rather than to fight one another; and together we depend on God's goodness more than on our own resources.

Prayer:

Father God, the difficulties and perplexities of life often wear us down and cause us to adopt defense mechanism, which cause negative issues in our marriage. Help us to heal from our personal, unresolved conflicts and to dwell with each other with understanding (1 Peter 3:7). Satan may influence our past, but we do not have to allow him to continue to hinder our present or future life. Help us to draw near to You and to resist Satan's lies, so he will flee from us (James 4:7).

Thank You for linking us with a mate who will strengthen our weaknesses, help us to heal from our past hurts and challenge us to seek Your joy and comfort. Teach us not to attempt to change our mate, but to change our self and to rely on You to meet our needs. Help us to work together as a couple to live in unity with Your Spirit and with one another.

Thought for the Day:

Momentary trials lead to long-term blessings, which last a lifetime when we depend on one another and on God to see us through them.

The Glory on the Other Side of Trials

If we choose to walk in the Spirit, we will not fall into Satan’s temptation, not fulfill the lusts of our flesh, and we will walk in God’s everlasting truth (Galatians 5:15-25).  

We will avoid making intimate friendships with unbelievers, realizing that light has no fellowship with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). Christ in us is our path to and hope for glory (Colossians 1:27).

Just as Jesus was tempted at Gethsemane to abandon God's plan for Him, we too experience times of anxiety, regret, and hopelessness (Matthew 26:39). We see what we have and think that it is better than what God has in store for us, so we do not want to give it up.

When Jesus remembered the glory which awaited Him on the other side of the cross, He willingly surrendered His will to our Father's will. We too have glory waiting for us on the other side of every trial.

When we experience trials, we witness triumphs in Jesus through every one of them. We see His miracles unfolding in our life and in His corporate Body. We are a part of a world-wide union of Believers in Christ.

In times of blessing, we often slip into ingratitude, expectations and assumptions in our relationship with Christ in us. We are overly confident and take His love for granted.

Yet, life has a way of reminding us that regardless of our years of service and our spiritual maturity, we remain weak and helpless apart from Christ in us. God's grace is always sufficient and His power is continually manifested in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

Prayer:

Father God, You choose the foolish to confound the wise and the weak to put the strong to shame (1 Corinthians 1:18-31). You use the most unlikely people as Your ambassadors to the world around us (2 Corinthians 5:20). We feel privileged to serve You with our life.

Help us to lay down our idol of pride in order for You to fill us with Your Spirit. We are a willing sacrifice, just as Jesus was, in order to fulfill Your will for our life. We thank You for Your Lamb who paid the price for our redemption. We give Him all the glory, honor, praise and blessing, because He is worthy to receive power, riches, wisdom and strength (Revelation 5:8-14).

Thought for the Day:

Christ abides in us and we live, move and have our whole identity in Him; as His Body, we make up a mighty army that has victory against the world, the flesh and the devil.

 - Acts 17:28; Hebrews 4:16

Healing from Abusive Behavior - Part 1

 

Abuse, even a one-time moment of rage that used abuse as punishment or an attempt to control the victim, robs us of our innocence and makes us feel powerless over our own life.

It drives us into a codependent role - attempting to please others to keep them from abusing us. The problem with this faulty thinking is that it often has the opposite effect.

People tend to continue to abuse our good nature, take us for granted and treat us with contempt. A lack of appreciation and more verbal, mental and physical abuse may follow.

We strive throughout our life to lay down our life in hopes that someone will love us; but we actually teach them that it is okay to take advantage of us, because we constantly put our needs last.

Trauma does not always make us stronger. It may also make us a ball of nerves, fear and insecurity. We are actually weaker, because we are always on the defensive.

We may develop PTSD, much like any survivor of a battle zone, and react to life with this fractured thinking and behavior. Medication may be necessary to help us to remain calm and lucid until God heals us ( www.theophostic.com ).

Journaling helps us to heal by allowing our Inner Parent to understand the deep wounds we experienced and to nurture our Inner Child as we turn our words into a prayer for God's healing.

Prayer:

Father God, I pray for victims of abuse of every type. Give them the deep comfort that can only come from Your love. Restore to them their joy in life and remove from them the fears and insecurities, which plague their life. Redeem their heart and mind and give them a new outlook on life.

Teach them that although people may not be trustworthy, You are always trustworthy. Help us to remain vulnerable and kind, yet wary and wise (Matthew 10:16). Show us the balance between serving others without teaching them to take us for granted by always putting our needs last.

Thought for the Day:

God's perfect goodness and love find expression in the midst of wickedness and degradation; because He experiences every slight right along with us and carries our pain and burden for us, if we will relinquish it to Him.