The Healing Journey - Part 2 - Identity of Our Own

 

I was 45 at the time my first marriage dissolved right before my eyes. I chose to face this new abandonment issue with the courage of an unsinkable Molly Brown, who heroically survived the sinking of the Titanic.

My boss at that time, a healing codependent, taught me that I am a person too, and I may minister to myself just as diligently as I minister to other people. That came as a revelation to me.

From this point on, I started to care for my own needs rather than to expect my mate or children or friends to care for them. I realized that Jesus encourages us to love others as we love our self.

To ignore our needs and to expect others to meet them is a classic codependent behavior, which needs healing. I got in touch with my body, soul and spirit and started to pay attention to and to meet my needs.

My joy increased as I realized that God continued to provide for me, and that He cared about me on every level of life. He died to save me from myself and to help me to enter into His ultimate rest (Hebrews 4:10).  

I spent the next two years learning that God is our true husband (Isaiah 54:5). He provides for our every need as we trust in Him and rely on His benevolence and grace.

There is nothing too difficult for Him (Luke 18:27). He can work miraculous wonders on our behalf, even when we least expect it. He provided me with a job, a home and new friends who nurtured me.

They too were recovering divorcees and many were codependent, just like me. We learned from each other, had fun times together and met each week to learn how to begin life again as single people.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for giving us teachers with wisdom on how to get free from our past, to heal from our current situation and to look forward to the future with faith in You. We learned to depend on Your love rather than a person's love and to trust You even when we cannot trust people.

You bring us out of moments of depression, provide for our every need, put a new song on our lips and give us an identity of our own that has its source in You rather than in our accomplishments or in other people. You are our all in all both now and throughout eternity, and we delight in living in Your courts and finding refuge under Your wings.

Thought for the Day:

We come to the breaking point in our life where we invite Christ to be more and more at home in our heart, so that we can be filled with the fullest measure of His presence.

- Ephesians 3:16-19 (Amplified Bible)

Rebounding Does Not Always Mean to Bounce Back

The practice of rebounding occurs during basketball, but also during dating relationships. It is used to describe a new relationship, which occurs by ricocheting from the door slamming on a past relationship. The person who is rebounding falls for one of the first people to give them attention after their divorce, and they quickly form a commitment without consulting the Lord.

This is tragic. In new relationships, we should take our time and seek the Lord's will in them. We need to pay attention to every red flag that pops up during our interaction with this new person. It is far better to live alone than to shackle oneself to someone, which is not God’s will for us (Proverbs 21:9, 25:24; Proverbs 17:1). We need to spend quality and quantity of time with any new person.

Carnal attraction is the main reason many people choose a mate; yet, this wanes with familiarity. If we do not develop a friendship and a genuine caring connection, our new relationship may not weather life’s storms either. We will end up in another bad situation and heading for divorce court all over again.

Instead, use your time as a single person to minister as the Lord directs, join group activities to cultivate new friendships and work in church ministries to meet people who share your common bond of faith. If God wants you married, He will bring along a new mate in His timing. He may take longer than you would like, because He wants to work out issues in your personality and soul, which need healing first.

Prayer:

Father God, sometimes divorce is inevitable, especially in cases of infidelity or if our partner is determined to leave us. Please help us to focus on our relationship with You in our times of grief and solitude. Remind us that watching romantic movies and reading novels will reinforce our feelings of loneliness. Keep us from rebounding or using addictions to fill the void in our life. The deeper we delve into Your Word, Your people and Your ministries, the less lonely we will feel and the more Your joy will fill our heart. Joy and contentment in You will ease our feelings of isolation and disappointment.

Thought for the Day:

Listening to Christian worship and hanging out with the Body of Christ, as we focus on God's will for our life, will help to fill our soul with God's peace, joy and love.

For further reading, check out:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/faith/christian_singles/being_single_and_faithful/reentering_the_dating_scene_after_divorce.aspx