The Healing Journey - Part 2 - Identity of Our Own

 

I was 45 at the time my first marriage dissolved right before my eyes. I chose to face this new abandonment issue with the courage of an unsinkable Molly Brown, who heroically survived the sinking of the Titanic.

My boss at that time, a healing codependent, taught me that I am a person too, and I may minister to myself just as diligently as I minister to other people. That came as a revelation to me.

From this point on, I started to care for my own needs rather than to expect my mate or children or friends to care for them. I realized that Jesus encourages us to love others as we love our self.

To ignore our needs and to expect others to meet them is a classic codependent behavior, which needs healing. I got in touch with my body, soul and spirit and started to pay attention to and to meet my needs.

My joy increased as I realized that God continued to provide for me, and that He cared about me on every level of life. He died to save me from myself and to help me to enter into His ultimate rest (Hebrews 4:10).  

I spent the next two years learning that God is our true husband (Isaiah 54:5). He provides for our every need as we trust in Him and rely on His benevolence and grace.

There is nothing too difficult for Him (Luke 18:27). He can work miraculous wonders on our behalf, even when we least expect it. He provided me with a job, a home and new friends who nurtured me.

They too were recovering divorcees and many were codependent, just like me. We learned from each other, had fun times together and met each week to learn how to begin life again as single people.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for giving us teachers with wisdom on how to get free from our past, to heal from our current situation and to look forward to the future with faith in You. We learned to depend on Your love rather than a person's love and to trust You even when we cannot trust people.

You bring us out of moments of depression, provide for our every need, put a new song on our lips and give us an identity of our own that has its source in You rather than in our accomplishments or in other people. You are our all in all both now and throughout eternity, and we delight in living in Your courts and finding refuge under Your wings.

Thought for the Day:

We come to the breaking point in our life where we invite Christ to be more and more at home in our heart, so that we can be filled with the fullest measure of His presence.

- Ephesians 3:16-19 (Amplified Bible)

The Healing Journey - Part 1 - The Schizophrenic Bride

As a young bride of 20 years old, I wanted to be the perfect wife. As a co-dependent, I did not want to nag or disagree - so that my husband would love me.

My uncle told me that if I was even half the wife my mother was to my dad, I'd be a great wife; so not to worry. I did learn a great deal about being a loving and submissive wife from my mom.

She lived with a manic-depressive husband. She learned to soothe the savage beast in him; but she had to learn not to take his words and behavior to heart.

She had her own interests and pursued them with a passion; yet, was home every day when her four children returned from school; and she had supper ready every night when my dad walked into the house from work.

As I started my new life as a wife, I would wince and swallow every hurt, disappointment, deprivation, abuse and neglect without saying a word, just as I learned from my mom.

I stuffed my feelings and opinions too. However, the trouble with me started because my threshold for pain was too low and my Italian temper, inherited from my dad, flared up too quickly.

I eventually started blowing up like a volcano, and then instantly cooled; but I did not realize the deep scars, which my outburst left on my husband's soul. He thought I acted like a schizophrenic.

I was sweet and caring most of the time; and then without warning, I erupted at what seemed like the slightest provocation without any apparent reason.

This problem arose because of all of the power of all of that internalized pain. The full force came out in an Italian temper tantrum when I finally did blow over the last straw - which actually did appear - to any by-stander - to be a very small and inconsequential provocation.

I lived broken, fearful and insecure like this for 22 years of marriage until my former husband decided I was too wounded for him to live with any longer. He saw no option for us but divorce.

God used my husband divorcing me as my breaking point to help me to totally surrender my life to Him. With no job or alimony, I faced the future in total dependence on God and He proved Himself more than faithful.

I clung to Christ with every rasping breath and God redeemed my life yet again. He sent me to a minister who helped me to heal from my past; and He turned my mourning into dancing and restored to me all of the years, which the canker worm destroyed (Joel 2:25).

Prayer:

Father God, no one is perfect in this life. We are all products of our upbringing, but we are responsible for our responses to life as they occur. Although we try to overcome or hide them, we drag our wounds around with us like hindering baggage. Show us clearly that Satan's lies are keeping us linked to these wounds from our past, buried deeply within our subconscious mind.

Thank You for teaching us to recognize these lies, to hear Your truth about them and to discard them as we walk away from them with healing from Your wings (Malachi 4:2). We live to serve You another day with all of the fullness of Your Holy Spirit within us. ( www.theophostic.com )

Thought for the Day:

God works out even the most debilitating circumstances in our life for our ultimate good. - Romans 8:28

From Self-Effort to Christ-Reliance

 

Living in this world apart from Christ is wearisome at best. Even as Believers we embrace the false doctrine that we have to try harder and strive more to please God and to grow spiritually.

We struggle from day to day and almost never awaken without some trepidation over what will happen to us next. Trouble seems to happen in "threes," and we are always waiting for the next shoe to drop.

We think of these trials as building character in us and transforming us into the image of Christ; so we patiently continue to prod along making the best of every negative circumstance.

Most of us need a breaking point in our life in order to step over the line from self-effort to Christ-reliance. Therefore, trials are actually like the Law - designed to bring us to the end of our self and to lead us to Christ (Galatians 3:24-26).

God encourages us to take our focus off our competent human abilities or our mortal frailty, and to concentrate on the reality of Christ in us instead (Colossians 1:27; Colossians 3:3-4; Galatians 2:20).

As we do, we start to live a victorious life apart from human effort and understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). We enter into rest in God's presence, which provides us with deep inner peace and fulfillment regardless of our circumstances (Hebrews 4:10).

Jesus delivers us from the bondage of every negative emotion, wound and issue we experience, and brings us astounding joy which defies description and is full of His glory (1 Peter 1:8; James 1:2-18).

God's Spirit helps us to see our problems as adventures rather than as challenges. Our supply for each circumstance, and the wisdom to deal with it come from Christ in us, our only hope for success (Colossians 1:27).

God orchestrates every nuance of our life. His abundant light overcomes the densest gloom. His power and majesty slay every demon in spiritual darkness, which comes against us (1 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 1:3; Daniel Chapters 9 and 10).

As we decrease, He increases (John 3:30). We exhibit more and more of Christ’s divine nature and we never, ever leave His presence (2 Peter 1:4; 2 Corinthians 5:17).

His Spirit leads us moment by moment in the center of His will for our life, transforms our character with the nature of Christ, and replaces our carnality with the fruit of His Spirit (2 Peter 1:4; Galatians 5:22-23).

Prayer:

Father God, nothing this world has to offer can take the place of Your goodness and grace. When the issues of life become more than we can bear, we sit on Your lap and snuggle in the safety of Your arms. This provides us with a ring-side seat to view the seed for a miracle, which You place within every trial, as it sprouts into fruition.

You designed salvation so that abiding in Christ is accomplished by one swift act of total surrender. It may take a deep trial, a layoff from work, rejection from a mate or a week-end retreat; but when our soul finally yearns for You alone, we readily relinquish our will to Yours.

Thought for the Day:

We no longer work out our own issues in life using God's strength to fuel our human effort, because we come to the realization that we can live life only as His Spirit leads each moment of our day and provides us with the desire, wisdom and strength to walk in the center of His will. 

- Philippians 2:12-13