Most couples dearly
love one another, but have a hard time expressing their deepest feelings. They
desperately want their mate to know they love them, but have no clue how to do
this ( http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ ). When it
comes to verbally expressing their feelings, they get tongue-tied. The old joke
states, "I told you that I love you when I married you; and if I change my
mind, I will let you know."
Unrealistic expectations prior to marriage often ruin a
couple's chance at happiness in the marriage. No one can live up to the fairy
tale romance they dream about or the practical expectations they anticipate.
Many people also think they will change their mate once they get married. One
man put it this way, "Honey, what you see is what you get. I'm not
changing for anyone or for any reason."
We also misunderstand what our mate desires from us. We get
frustrated, angry, resentful and feel hopeless because we cannot measure up to
the ideal, which we think our mate wants. If we realize that we are both human
and have foibles and idiosyncrasies that make us the unique person we are, then
we can be more accepting of our self and one another.
There are realistic goals for marriage, however. We want
our mate to care about how they look; and we appreciate their efforts to dress
neatly, to stay groomed, to maintain a reasonable weight and to be caring and
loyal. Our mate will be less tempted to look outside of the marriage if we
present an attractive package within the marriage. We also want our mate to
cherish us and to desire our company.
One key to a happy marriage is honest communication. Not
brutal honesty, but loving, confident, uncritical expressions of what we want
and need. It puts undo stress on a couple to try to predict what gift our mate
wants for special occasions or what behavior they are expecting from us. The
second key is a servant's heart. In all things, we can love, serve and accept
each other's differences (Ephesians 4:2).
Prayer:
Father God, You give us the desire to love and to be loved.
It is our most basic human need. We know without a doubt that Your love for us
is the most fulfilling and the most urgent of our human needs. You do not love
us for how we perform, because You loved us while we were still depraved
sinners (Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:10). Help us to love one
another unconditionally. Our mate may choose to leave us, but we do not have to
take their choice personally, because we know You will never leave us or
forsake us (Hebrews 13:5)
Thought for the Day:
Men and women both thrive on praise, appreciation and
affirmation, rather than on criticism, condescension and being taken for
granted.
