Renewed Mind - Part 2 - Healing for our Wounded Soul

 

Satan plants lies in our soul throughout the experiences of our life. These misconceptions cause us to over-react irrationally and with intense emotion in our current life situations.

There are personality issues and woundedness in every person’s soul, which may trigger our wounds and hinder us, or our partner, friend or relative from changing or growing spiritually.

We need to see life through their eyes, not only through our own. God will give us His agape love to accept them for exactly who they are. Then we can also pray for them to be all that God wants them to be.

If we put their needs above our own, He gives us the patience to love them through their episodes. We realize that they are reacting from fear and woundedness, which our behavior triggered; and we do not take their rage or sullenness or impatience personally.

We pray for them and love them even more when they are behaving badly than we do when they are rational and kind. They have no idea why they are acting this way, but God does.

All negative behavior is a red flag to alert us of the woundedness in our soul. It may also be a false belief that is now an idol in our soul, because we give our pet peeves and misconceptions too much importance in our life.

We can take these irrational beliefs to God and gain His perspective on them, asking Him to change our focus about them until they lose their importance to us.

During rational moments, when no one is in a hurry or in need of our time, we can offer to pray with our spouse, friend or family member about their negative emotions.

They may be as clueless about their behavior as we are. They can start by journaling what they were thinking during their outburst. What thoughts were going through their mind? What did we do that triggered this reaction in them?

As we pray together, these problems are resolved as God reveals their root and origin, uncovers Satan's lie for us, and then speaks His truth to our soul. ( www.theophostic.com )

Prayer:

Father God, remind us that our soul longs more for a relationship with You than with a person. We often go from one person to another in this life, trying to find our soul mate, or someone to complete us.

Yet, the only way we can feel fulfilled is through deepening our commitment and our relationship with You. This is true even for married people. The more we find acceptance and develop satisfaction in our relationship with You, the more we can serve our mate out of our love for You (Ephesians 5:22, 6:7; Colossians 3:18, 23-24).

Thought for the Day:

Our support and acceptance of our partner’s, friend's or relative's shortcomings will do much to improve our attitude, as well as to improve their behavior through our love and consideration of their needs above our own.

Understanding Our Mind - Part 2

Analyzing Transactions in Our Soul

Once we realize that our subconscious mind controls many of our thoughts, word and actions in our present life, we can come to God for healing of the wounds stored in that miraculous filing cabinet. The simplest and most efficient way to uncover the stored memories in our subconscious is to pay attention to the conversations in our mind.

We are not going crazy. These are not usually demonic voices or multiple schizophrenic personalities. These conversations are simply the interaction among our Inner Parent, Adult and Child (PAC). As we analyze these transactions or conversations, we soon see a pattern. We learn to identify the message, which our three ego states are trying to communicate to us.

We are usually so busy that we neglect our soul. Therefore, we need to make time to listen to these transactions. Keeping a journal is the easiest way to decipher what our subconscious mind is attempting to bring to our conscious mind. Once we learn to identify these messages, journaling will no longer be necessary, because we will readily recognize what our soul is telling us.

Start by asking questions such as:

1.) What is bothering me? The issue may be recent; however, sometimes we do not know the source of the issue, because it lies in our subconscious mind and has its roots in our past.

2.) When did this start? Maybe this is a recent issue, or it could have started in our infancy or youth. Looking at photo albums may give us clue to its origin, or accessing memories from our subconscious mind that God’s Spirit brings to our conscious mind. 

( www.theophostic.com )

3.) Where did it start? At home, school, church, neighborhood. And with whom did it start? Parent, relative, neighbor, teacher, friend or our friend’s parent.

4.) Is the issue physical, emotional or psychological? Do we feel unwarranted shame or fear because of something someone said or did to us in the past? Does our negative self-talk come from things someone said to us and we believed? Did Satan plant a lie in our past that we believe, and which is fueling our negative health or feelings?

Our Inner Child may be reticent about divulging this information to us, especially if we neglected our soul all of our life. As we start to pay attention to our negative thoughts and feelings from now on, our subconscious will cooperate with God’s Spirit, as He brings these aspects to our conscious mind and heals us of the residual affects they have on our life.

Prayer:

Father God, there is nothing too difficult for You (Jeremiah 32:17, 27). You understand our thoughts and know our life from beginning to end (Psalm 139:13; Isaiah 46:10). You do not want Satan to use the words and actions from our past to cripple our present life. Give us the courage to come to You for clarity about these issues and healing from these wounds to our soul.

Thought for the Day:

It took a lifetime to program our subconscious mind to think, feel and react to life, and it may take some time for it to respond to the healing of God’s Spirit; have patience and give God your full attention during quiet spaces of reflection during your week. 

Living in Hope

 

When we go through some form of tribulation in our life, we panic, wondering where God is, and why He is allowing us to experience more than we can bear. Fear seeps into the depths of our soul. At times, we even cry out to God with accusations and angry words (Psalm 109:1-3). God already knows the feelings in our heart and the thoughts in our mind, so expressing our anger honestly, but respectfully, is only telling God what He already knows.

Contrary to popular teaching, God never promises to give us only the trials, which we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). However, our trials are never more than Christ in us can bear. God uses our trails for our good. They are God’s pruning shears, which allow more of His Spirit’s fruit to grow in our life (John 15:2). God also gives us trials in order to prove that our faith in His faithfulness will endure to the end of this church age (James 1:2-4). Tribulation provides us with steppingstones toward our maturity in Christ.

Satan tries to distract us from our walk with Christ by piling on the trauma and disappointments in order to sidetrack us from fulfilling God’s will for our life. He uses circumstances to divert us from the leading of God’s Spirit through each moment of our day. He attempts to arouse our anger toward God for letting us down. However, trials are actually adventures, because we hop from one undertaking to another.

Christ is our guide, and God’s Spirit as our comforter (John 14:26). In fact, we find that we can actually bear all things through Christ, because He dwells in us (Philippians 4:13). God also uses tribulation to produce determination and perseverance in our character. Then, the more we persevere, the more our Godly character is proven. This gives us hope, because we feel the love of God, which is poured out into our heart by God’s Holy Spirit who dwells within us (Romans 5:3-5).

If we empty our soul of negative emotions by pouring them out in the pages of our journal, or into the ear of God, then we will be less likely to pour them out on our family, coworkers or friends. If we would only take the time to notice, we can then turn our words into songs of praise for all that God already provided for us (Psalm 109:26,30). A bed to sleep in, a blanket for warmth, water to drink, air to breathe, a body that still works and nature to enjoy are just some of His bounty, which enables us to live in hope.

Prayer:

Father God, do not allow us to lose hope, or to give up just before we reach the mark to win the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14). There are so many things we take for granted that both You and our loved ones do for us each day. Instead, let us express words of appreciation and thanksgiving to You with our every waking breath. Open our eyes to see Your purposes in our trials. Use the fire of these trials to burn the dross out of our life (1 Peter 1:7). I want to pour my heart out to You, because I know you care about me (1 Peter 5:7). Teach me to trust in You at all times (Psalm 62:8).

Thought for the Day:

God’s love gives us hope, which fills our life with joy.

Living in God's Peace

 

We often spend hours of our life thinking of the worse case scenarios and how we will deal with them, yet most never happen. This causes negative emotions, which will kill us. We sense a dread of immanent danger and we use negative emotions and behaviors to make us feel better. These negative emotions suppress our immune system and cause digestive disorders, muscle tension, short-term memory loss, the inability to concentrate, disabilities, anxiety disorders, premature coronary artery disease, heart attack, difficulty swallowing, dizziness, fatigue, headaches, breathing issues and nervous twitching and/or suicidal thoughts.

These fatal emotions alter our relationships, work performance, lifestyle, appetite and sleep patterns. We compensate by using alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, sleeping too much and overeating to soothe the stress and to hide from or to desensitize our self from the overwhelming feelings. Satan deceives us into thinking that we can use these negative emotions to protect us from harm. We think that we can hide behind anger, or worry enough to change our circumstances or prevent some disaster, or hate enough to punish the one who hurt or offended us, or to yell loud enough to change another person’s behavior or thinking.

Reading it in black and white makes this all sound ridiculous, doesn’t it? God gave us the reaction of flight or fight to protect us from real and imminent danger; however, in our modern society, we even allow an uncooperative spouse, child or co-worker; long lines; rude customers or a crying baby to throw us into the grasp of negative emotions. We nurse these feelings and build the situation up in our mind until it consumes us. Then, Satan has us right where he wants us. We take our mind off the eternal aspects of life and the Kingdom of God and allow Satan’s sidetrack to monopolize and consume our attention.

If our negative emotions are out of control, counseling or medication can help us to deal with the intensity of them. A great way to deal with these negative emotions is to keep a journal of how we are feeling. We can write out our feelings in the form of a prayer to God like the Psalmists did. Once they are out of our mind and down on the paper, we can leave them in God’s capable hands to deal with in His way and timing. If we are tempted to think of them again, we can remind our self that this concern is in “the heart of God”, and He is able to make us abound in every area of our life (2 Corinthians 9:8).

Whenever you feel your joy and peace disturbed in any way for any reason, take it to the Lord immediately. Allow His peace to rule your heart and mind (Colossians 3:15; Philippians 4:7). Refrain from depending on your human reasoning, but trust in the Lord with all of your heart (Proverbs 3:5-6). Then watch Him work them all out for your good (Romans 8:28). Do not allow negative emotions to rob you of your health, joy and peace in life. Nothing is too hard for God to handle (Jeremiah 32:17,27). He may not wave a magic wand and cause the situation to change overnight, but He will use the issues to perfect you and then He will change them when they have done their perfect work in you (James 1:2-4).

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, You dwell within us and want to live through us, but we so often push You aside and insist on facing life in our own strength and through our own human effort. This prolongs the issues in our life and thwarts the results of their outcome. Teach us to walk in the Spirit moment by moment and to relinquish everything to You. Help us to put on Your mind (Romans 12:2; 1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:1-11, 4:7), and to resist the urges Satan sends our way to allow negative emotions to ruin our witness for You and our reliance upon You for our health and success in this life.

Thought for the Day:

Trust God for one moment of your life today. Before you know it, you will trust Him in every moment.
 

 

You can buy a heart-shaped box and put little notes in the “heart of God” as prayers about your negative feelings.

Here are directions for making a heart-shaped notebook:

http://www.babycenter.com/210_heart-shaped-notebook_6042.bc

Or buy them already made and write your concerns on the back:

http://www.christianbook.com/heart-shaped-notepad-pen-someone-special/pd/680548 blue-white-200285

 

Part 3 - Healing Emotional Wounds

First, please see below and read
Part 1 & 2 - Healing Emotional Wounds
 

Addictions are often an escape from the pain of hurt feelings. Compulsive addictions and behaviors of any kind (work, food, gambling, alcohol, drugs, shopping, affairs, relationships, etc) are ways to avoid facing our inner pain, to avoid taking responsibility for our self, and to artificially free our Inner Child from inhibitions, which normally hamper the expression of our true self. These behaviors temporarily deaden the pain or free our soul from inhibitions, but they also wipe out the joy of being complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10). Our nurturing Inner Parent can help our wounded Inner Child to uncover the hidden pain that we are avoiding and to receive healing from the Lord.

Often instead of expressing anger over some unjust situation, we turn the anger inward. This results in depression, fear, frustration, worry, embarrassment, fatigue, etc. We end up with a distressed and wounded Inner Child. In order to heal, we need to fully express these pent-up feelings and to allow the wounds from our past to surface. Listening to our Inner Child's pain with our nurturing Inner Parent and our rational Inner Adult gives validity to our feelings. We can also then realize that the person who caused our pain also has unfinished business and pain from their own past that has influenced their behavior, which wounded us.

We need to provide a safe place to deal with these tender issues in our life. We must give our wounded Inner Child focused, unhurried, non-judgmental time to express the thoughts foremost in his/her mind. If we do not take this time, then people and events will continually trigger the pain from deep within our subconscious mind. This may cause an overreaction in us and from us, over some insignificant issue currently occurring. Sometimes, overreactions are also caused by allowing several little annoyances to build up over a period of time. This is avoided by journaling our feelings daily and honestly communicating with our true self and then with the people involved. 

When a present event touches a tender spot from the past, this "trigger" event is usually only the tip of the iceberg of pain. Unresolved conflicts from the past are buried deep below the surface of our conscious mind. An overreaction can be a positive thing, if we use it to pinpoint the source of our pain. Pain needs to be dealt with honestly and directly in order to be laid to rest permanently. Negative feelings use up our power and energy. In order to be a vital human being, we need to be free from these encumbering old voices in our mind and the painful memories from our past. We may still remember the incident, but once God heals us, the pain involved in it is gone. 

Unfinished business will stand between relating to yourself and others freely in the present moment. Denied negative feelings remain alive and dangerous. An accumulation of buried negative feelings puts your mind and body under harmful stress. Mental and physical health is directly related to the degree to which you are in touch with all of your emotions. You do not need to share them with anyone else; but you do need to give your Inner Adult permission to be aware of them as they happen. They must be faced constructively so that God can reveal the truth to you about them. Then complete freedom hinges on forgiving the perpetrators and letting go of the bitterness that accompanies the memories.  

If you take a vacation and revisit the people and places from your childhood, you may be surprised to notice that they are not as large or as threatening as you remember them. This is because your Inner Child originally experienced this pain in the past, but now you also have your Inner Parent and Inner Adult. Your physical and emotional perspective changed because you were much smaller when the incidents occurred. You may be equally surprised, when you choose to have the courage to face the pain of the past; with your present perspective, it may not be as painful as you remember it.

As you journal or verbalize your feelings, words may not be sufficient. You may need to allow tears, and moans from the deepest part of your inner self, to be released. You may want to hire the services of a trained professional to walk you through this healing process. Sometimes, dreams will be the release mechanism our mind uses to free us from the pain of our past. Reoccurring dreams, or themes in dreams, may provide a clue to unlock some door from the past. Look up dream interpretation sites online to help you unlock the messages that your dreams are trying to relate to you.

Once you uncover and express these painful memories, imagine yourself holding your Inner Child. Cuddle her in your arms...some people hold a favorite doll or teddy bear in proxy for their Inner Child. Gently rock your imagined Inner Child in your arms, speak words of reassurance. Apologize for your failure to him/her in the past, vow to meet current needs, to give protection, and to love him/her unconditionally from now on. Some people may balk at this idea, but many find it very helpful.

Now, review these same situations in your mind. Imagine yourself being a protective and nurturing Inner Parent to your Inner Child this time. Envision the person who originally inflicted this pain. Realize they too have a wounded Inner Child. Forgive their offense toward you and get free of this memory. All unforgiveness ties you to that hurtful person in a negative way. After you experience the freedom of forgiving those in your past who hurt you, get involved in some task requiring physical exertion. This will help revitalize your drained body and emotions…jog, walk, swim, play a sport, act in drama, sing in the choir, take a class or learn a new hobby. Of course, you may just want to take a nap!

The critical Inner Parent causes a great deal of havoc in our soul. Each time your critical Inner Parent denies your Inner Child the opportunity to experience an approved feeling or activity you are giving up a real and vital part of experiencing "you" as a complete person. Someone else’s rejection of us becomes unbearable when it is joined by our own self-rejection. Often people will refrain from admitting they are wrong, because they fear being overcome by shame. Your wounded Inner Child actually believes you will “die”, if he/she is too vulnerable.

Therefore, some people will even lie to themselves and to others, in order to keep from facing the truth. Others hide behind masks to keep people from knowing their true self. God frees us to allow our self the freedom of being vulnerable. We can honestly reveal our true feelings and opinions now. God’s opinion of us is the only one that really matters, and He already knows the secrets of our soul. If shame should arise, you can remember that there is “now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1).

Start by taking small steps. When you are around true friends and close family members, you can risk expressing your true feelings. Even if one or more of those people discount your feelings or disagree with you, you can realize that you are a person of worth, just as they are. You are both entitled to hold your own opinions. You can joyfully agree to disagree and then go on to the next topic of conversation. 

The goal of inner healing is to help us to live as an integrated person. We can learn from the past, and pray for wisdom and courage to meet the future.  The present is the only time we really have. So, “take no thought for tomorrow” and live one minute at a time. When we cannot accept a situation, we can change our focus by functioning in the Inner Adult ego state and taking into account the feelings of our Inner Child and Inner Parent. We empathetically consider the fears of the Inner Child; take into consideration the advice of the Inner Parent, consult the Lord’s wisdom for the situation and then follow His Holy Spirit moment by moment throughout the day.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, help us to develop the habit of being grateful, so that we can possess health in our soul. I will start to keep a list of all the blessings You provide for me each day, and then read over them each night before I go to bed in order to give You praise. I will also make a list of my positive personality character traits and thank You for what You have already done in my life. I look forward to the growth You will continue to provide for me in the future.

Thought for the Day:

When I enjoy the blessings that are already mine, I develop a more positive outlook on life.


Recommended Reading on this Topic:

The Three Free Chapters of Healing Life’s Hurts at: http://www.theophostic.com/page13051343.aspx

The Christian Codependence Recovery Workbook: From Surviving to Significance by Stephanie A. Tucker

Your Child's Self Esteem, Celebrate Yourself - Both by Dorothy Briggs

People Making by Virginia Satir

You Inner Child of the Past by Hugh Misseldine

Born To Win by Muriel James

How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman, Bernard Berkowitz, Jean Owen

Introduce Your Marriage to Transactional Analysis, a TA Primer

          by Leonard Campos and Paul McCormick

Codependent No More,  Beyond Codependency,  The Language of Letting Go  All by Melody Beattie