One More Time Again

The other day, after hearing a loud thud, I went into the bedroom to find my husband flat on his face in a tiny space between the chair and the bed. I prayed about what to do, but felt total peace.

My initial reaction was to say, "Well, Beloved, you have gotten yourself into quite a pickle." He was virtually squeezed between the furniture and I was amazed at how he could have gotten into that small space.

I rubbed his back, but could not tell if he was dead or alive. The words of John Denver's song flitted through my mind, "I always thought that I'd see you one more time again."

I wondered if my Heavenly Daddy took His Saint home to be with Him. I internally prepared myself for a new chapter of life and continued to pray about what to do.

"Home alone" was not a state of being that I looked forward to experiencing a second time. I lost one husband when he decided there was no option for us but divorce; and now the husband that God gave me to care for and cherish me was flat on his face on the bedroom floor.

Hearing my voice, my comatose giant stirred and I immediately asked, "Beloved, should I call 911? Are you hurting any place…head, heart?"

His weak response was, "My knee is really hurting me right now."

A knee…well, that did not sound very ominous. I inquired, "May I help you up, or would you like to rest there a few more moments?" As if being squeezed between two pieces of furniture could be comfortable.

"No, I need to get up" was his sweet reply. Helping him to a standing position, I supported his considerable weight on my small frame, but I did not mind. He was still ALIVE.

We staggered over to the side of the bed for him to sit down. He immediately began rehashing what had happened in the last 10 minutes. 

"I woke up with a start from a cramp in my leg and jumped up to work it out. Then, instead of sitting on the edge of the bed to allow the blood to flow into my head, I went to the bathroom.

"As I stood there, I got lightheaded and broke out into a cold sweat. The next thing I remember, I heard a loud thud and I lost consciousness until I heard your sweet voice talking to me."

"How did you fall into that tiny, carpeted space between the furniture?"

"It had to be the Lord, because I could have broken bones, gotten a black eye or hit my head on some piece of furniture or the tiled bathroom floor; but when I fainted, He had me free fall right into the only clear, carpeted space available."

We both shook our heads in wonder and silently praised God for His Fatherly care of His child. "Since I just popped out of bed when my leg cramped, I guess I should have sat down and let the blood into my head before going to the bathroom."

We stared at one another over the miracle we both just witnessed. Our awesome God cared for His beloved Saint through every second of that ordeal, which could have left me a widow.

I greatly rejoiced and clung to my husband and cried. He wrapped his arm around me as he always does and snuggled me into my favorite place in the whole world…firmly protected in the circle of his love with my head resting peacefully on his muscled chest.

Prayer:

Father God, since we are loved by You, I know from experience that losing a mate does not hurt nearly as much as one would anticipate. You walk with us - in us - through every step of the rocky road of recovery. You work out everything to our advantage and You provide for all of our needs: physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and financially. As an authentic Believer, we experience every trial as a grand adventure in You with new people, places, ministries and purposes.

We still have anxiety which attempts to derail our faith, but You give us constant 'hugs' throughout the day to remind us that You are in us and living this experience in union with us. We still grieve our losses, but the tears are healing to our soul. Remind us not to take life for granted. Thank You for Your love and mercy in this case, by allowing me to actually see my beloved husband one more time again.

Thought for the Day:

As we completely surrender our heart to God in prayer, and relinquish our hold on unholy thoughts, words and deeds, we will not be ashamed or anxious, but confident and full of His courage. - Job 11:13-15

Loving Our Self

As a perfectionist codependent, I always put everyone else's needs above my own. As we all serve one another, we all get served. I read in the Bible that God wanted it this way.

However, it did not work that way in the first 45 years of my life. I did all the serving and others did all the taking with rare expressions of gratitude or encouragement for what I did.

I grew to resent the lack of reciprocation and my constant physical and emotional exhaustion. I felt like a hamster on its wheel, going round and round day after day and getting no place fast.

One day I realized that I was actually teaching people to expect me to do everything and not to respect me or my needs. I had a savior and martyr complex a mile wide and high.

The fact is, however, that I love to serve others. It is my main ministry in Christ's body. Thankfully, I started working for a recovering codependent at this same time and she spoke truth to me that set me free.

She said, "You are a person too, and you can minister to yourself and meet your needs in the same way you meet everyone else's needs." WOW! That gave me food for thought.

She reminded me of Jesus' words to love others as we love our self (Luke 10:27). I realized right away that I did not love myself in the same way that I loved others.

This opened up a whole new world for me. I went to the library and checked out books on how to be a nurturing parent. I learned to nurture myself and how to nurture others in a healthier manner.

Prayer:

Father God, so many times we take Your words at face value and skip over the minute details of the verse. We miss so much of the meat of Your Word because we do not take them in context with other verses in the Bible. We miss the whole picture, which You intend for us to see.

As we follow the leading of Your Spirit each moment of the day, we stop allowing the good things to become the enemy of the best things. We stop spinning our wheels by so much busyness and we live productive lives that bring us joy as we also give joy. We develop a closer relationship with You and people see our good works and give You the glory (Matthew 5:16).

Thought for the Day:

As we walk in the Spirit, we stop enabling others to be less than they can be by allowing them to do hard things for themselves and to learn to lean on God instead of on us, so they can live productive lives.

Healing During Holidays

Read: Habakkuk 3:17-18

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” - Matthew 5:4

The death of a loved one is the most devastating blow that life can ever inflicts upon us. Special days such a birthday, anniversary and the holidays such as: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day are emotional triggers. The pain and loss we feel on these days is often more acute than during the original pain of loss, because initially, we are usually numb from shock. Anger, bitterness, resentment, abandonment and despair are just a few of the emotions accompanying grief during these special days and holidays.

We may think there is something wrong with us for feeling these emotions all over again. However, they are normal, necessary and healing as we continue to process our grief. Preparing in advance for these milestones will help us to traverse them more successfully. At times like these, our soul – our mind, will and emotions – gets downcast. We feel disturbed, forsaken and alone. We can put our hope in God, and praise Him even in the midst of our pain, because He is our Savior and God (Psalm 42:5-6).

There are a few concepts, which will facilitate your healing. The first is to be honest with yourself and others. Face your emotions and struggles, rather than avoid them. Spend time alone with God. Read His Word and keep a notebook of Bible verses that speak to your heart. Do not allow your loss to consume you and do not become preoccupied with your grief. Facing the truth about our grief actually sets us free from it (John 8:31-32, 36).   

The second concept is to express your feelings. Admit how you feel to others who are grieving or to a confidant or counselor. Tears are healing and they cleanse our soul. Fully feeling your grief allows you to heal more quickly. Tears release pent up emotions and stress as well. Sometimes tears are internal, rather than external. This is perfectly normal. It is also very healing to squarely face the pain of grief and to allow yourself to mourn loudly and to weep bitterly (Acts 8:2).

The third concept is to socialize. You cannot face your grief alone. Ask God to show you or to bring to you a person with whom you can share your most intimate feelings about your loss. Finding someone who also experienced loss will bring you the most comfort. Call or write this person and arrange for times to get together to talk. Grief Share and similar support groups are also available for people to vent, chat and find support from others with whom you can relate (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Planning a celebration with family and friends in honor of our loved one gives us the opportunity to create new memories and also puts a positive slant on our loss. We can look forward to being able to comfort others who are also experiencing affliction with the comfort, which we receive from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, I am depending upon You to see me through this time of loss. I will praise You, because I am assured that You have a future and a hope for me that is for my good (Jeremiah 29:11). We are beaten down on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; deprived, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Thank You for setting us free from the grief of our loss and bringing a semblance of order back into our life. Help us to freely express our emotions and loss with a trusted friend or counselor. Direct us to people who are also grieving and allow us to be a friend and confidant to them during their time of grief and loss.

Thought for the Day:

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” - Psalm 73:26

 

 

 

 

Read these wonderful articles about grief during the holidays:

http://www.griefshare.org/holidays#articles