A Good Marriage - Common Ground

Winning is not the ultimate prize of life; it is the manner in which we finish the race that counts the most. It is often the last straggler across the finish line that receives the most attention, because they persevered to the very end.

Winning an argument is not necessary to feel validated either. We can concede that we are wrong, if indeed we are, without any shame or recrimination.

We have a viewpoint that differs from our employer's, friend's, neighbor's, child's, parent's or spouse's perspective; but no less right or wrong than theirs.

There is nothing heroic about destroying a marriage, because we soon realize that we were acting as pawns on Satan's game board, playing right into his hands and wreaking havoc for generations to come.

If both parties in a disagreement are willing to bear with one another and to lay our life down for each other, there is always a way to peacefully resolve all issues and to avoid fighting and drama.

Neither of us is the enemy, we are simply fellow sojourners in this life with equal rights and privileges in the family of God. Quickly apologizing from the heart for any hurt we cause during a disagreement goes a long way in keeping unity in our relations.

Repairing our relationships is so much more mature than rending them in half and going our separate ways - leaving a trail of broken hearts and lives behind us. A trained counselor can help us to negotiate our differences.

Seeking wisdom from God's Word and His Spirit during times of prayer can also help us to breach any gaps in our unity. We negotiate until we find common ground on which to stand.

Prayer:

Father God, You remind us not to separate what You bind together. You admonish us not to break any vow that we make, but to honor our commitment to one another with charity, patience and kindness. You want us to work together to find an equitable solution to any conflicts in our marriage, as well as in our affiliations at work and in Your Body.

Give us Your wisdom to maintain peace and to show Your agape love to those who wound us; to turn the other cheeks and to bear with one another's idiosyncrasies and foibles. Give us patience to love one another as Christ loves the church; so we can represent living sacrifices as a testimony to an unbelieving world.

Thought for the Day:

There is nothing heroic in winning at the cost of someone else's expense; but in laying down our life and serving one another with the love of our Father toward us.

Healing from Abusive Behavior - Part 2

Victims of abuse may turn into abusers in order to erase the shame, fears and insecurities, which plague them. They neglect those whom they should cherish, and they allow negative emotions to control our life and theirs.

We may use anger as a means to protect our self from further abuse, but this sends mixed messages. People never know when we will patiently suffer as a martyr or blow up like a volcano at the least provocation.

We may not be able to trust people, but we can trust God. Rather than acting with bombastic and combative behavior, we find our strength and confidence in Christ's quiet resolve within us.

Then we set boundaries, and firmly but quietly caution people not to cross the line (Isaiah 30:15). They may test our boundaries; but if we consistently remind them, they will soon learn to respect us.

The older we get, the more we tell our self that the abuse happened a long time ago and we should get over it. Yet the shameful effects of the violation and the loss of our innocence and sense of trust can last a lifetime.

We may even find our self questioning if the abuse actually happened. We live in denial and convince our self that our abuser is a revered person who could never do anything that horrific.

When a trigger reminds us of the situation, it is because our soul is crying out for validation and comfort. Our true inner self is desperately attempting to gain our attention and to make us take the abuse seriously enough to stop it or to simply acknowledge it.

Snippets of words, body language, the shape of certain plants, an over-reaction that we cannot explain, bizarre behavior that has no basis in reality are all ways that our soul uses to force us to face and validate the incident(s).

Journaling will enable us to get in touch with the episode(s) and tell our story of abuse without having to make it public knowledge. Journaling validates our feelings, nurtures our wounded soul and is extremely healing.

Prayer:

Father God, You collect all of our tears in Your bottle and avenge every one of them (Psalm 56:8). Even if we feel that we somehow caused or deserved the abuse, You wash away our shame and replace it with the righteousness of Christ (Isaiah 61:7).

Remind us that forgiving our perpetrator actually helps us to heal by taking them off our "hook" and placing them firmly on Your hook. You are much better at rendering vengeance than we are (Romans 12:19; Deuteronomy 32:35). Thank You for healing us from our past and giving us a bright future full of Your love and acceptance (Jeremiah 29:11).

Thought for the Day:

Loss of innocence means that a person who was supposed to protect, nurture and cherish us actually abused us and stole from us what rightfully belongs to us alone.

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Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety is a horrifying malady. It strikes when we least expect it and has some sources that are subconscious and not apparent to the conscience mind. The healing process for anxiety often eludes us.

Anxiety may have its roots in unresolved conflicts of our past and is fueled by lies, which Satan planted there. Often our medication taken for medical issues will also trigger unexplained and unfounded panic attacks.

We chastise our self for these feelings, believing that we should be able to overcome them. The exciting truth is that anxiety cannot harm us. We have authority over the attacks in Jesus' name.

Focusing on the anxiety only increases the fears within us. Instead, we can focus on Christian music, fellowship or memorized Bible verses until the attack passes (Isaiah 41:10). Herbal relaxants also calm us.

Human faith is limited, and dependent on our five senses and physical circumstances. Faith in God replaces our fear of life's uncertainties (Isaiah 43:1). This supernatural faith understands what our human senses cannot even perceive (Hebrews 1:11).

God's Spirit is right there in us and with us, protecting us and guiding us through the travesties of life. His fruit replaces our carnal nature with the character of God (Galatians 5:22-23).

Hearing God's Word and standing on Jesus, the firm Rock of our salvation, also increases our faith in God (Romans 10:17). They renew our mind and heal us from past trauma by helping us to expose Satan's lies and to resolve those issues (Proverbs 12:25; www.theophostic.com )

Regardless of our experiences, God strengthens our resolve as we trust ONLY in Him, obey His commandments and believe without a doubt that He is always only a prayer away (Psalm 94:19).

There is no human way that we can control life, regardless of how much we obsess or attempt to keep our self and our loved ones safe. As we trust in God instead of our self, we experience His supernatural peace which exceeds all human comprehension (Psalm 56:3).

Prayer:

Father God, regardless of our experiences, either past or present, or our fears of the future, there is no trial that You will not walk through with us. You carry us through the rocky roads and the fire scorched earth to a place of safety tucked away in the cleft of the Rock of Christ (1 John 4:18).

You teach us that our mind is Satan's battleground, which he uses to take control of our life and to make us ineffectual for Your Kingdom work on the earth. Thank You for strengthening our resolve to deal with, or to turn over to You, the source of any negative thought or emotion in our life, and to put our trust in Your control over our circumstances (2 Timothy 1:7; 1 Peter 5:6-7).

Thought for the Day:

The result of sitting quietly in God's presence is a renewed sense of intimacy with Him, spiritual power to take authority over Satan's interference in our life and peace that surpasses human understanding.

 - Philippians 4:6-7; James 4:7-8; John 14:27