As a young wife and mother of three, my life was hectic
at best. On top of this, I viewed life and reacted to its challenges and issues
from a codependent and perfectionistic attitude - double trouble.
I wanted to please everyone, so they would like and love
me; I thought that the only way to accomplish this feat was to be perfect. I
was under the delusion that if I loved and served everyone - even to the
detriment of myself - they would love me in return.
However, all I did was to teach people to take me for
granted and to treat me like a doormat and their unpaid servant - chief cook,
bottle washer, baby sitter, housekeeper and problem solver. People took
advantage of me, which stressed me out even further.
I even did this with God. I attempted to keep every
"jot and tittle of the law" (Matthew 5:18), hoping to please God with
my undying service, in order to earn His love. I turned into a foolish
"Galatian" and ran myself ragged, meeting myself coming and going
(Galatians 3:1-3).
Stress kept me from sleeping and sleeplessness made me
grouchy, which caused me to be short-tempered with those I loved. I hated who I
was…I hated me, but I had no idea how to change things.
My self-esteem was in the bottom of the tank and I felt
like I was drowning in the details of life. Finally, in desperation, I started
researching codependence: what caused it and how to get free from it.
I learned that I had to stop neglecting my own needs
every day and to allow others to meet their own needs once in a while. The
books promised that they would still love me anyway, even if I did not
"earn" it.
I figured that even if they did not love me, then they
had no true feelings for me in the first place. I also translated this into the
spiritual realm. God already loved me when I was a lost sinner, and He would
always love me unconditionally (Romans 5:8); therefore, I could enter His rest
and enjoy His favor.
This fact stopped the codependence dead in its tracks. I
did a 180 degree turn around and walked away from this driven lifestyle. God's
Spirit broke the shackles of expectations that I allowed to chain me to a
meager existence.
When I entered into God's rest, I found a security and
warmth that I missed all my life. Over the ensuing years, the comfort of God's
rest brought me more peace and joy than I ever dreamed possible; and He
continually supplies all of my needs with His glorious riches.
Prayer:
Father God, thank You so much for Your grace and mercy,
which lead us in Your everlasting way (John 10:28-30; 1 Peter 5:10). You teach
us lessons all along life's path and You bring us into ever-increasing intimacy
with Your presence within us. When we let go of the impossible demands of
pleasing people and focus instead on walking by the direction of Your Spirit
moment by moment, we enter into Your rest, we receive Your gift of mercy and
love, and we learn to trust in Your wisdom.
Due to Christ's saving redemption on Calvary's cross, we
are no longer slaves of the demon of perfectionism. Instead, we follow the
leading of Your Spirit and rest in Your goodness and grace. We trust in You
with our whole heart; acknowledge You in all of our thoughts, words and deeds;
and glorify You as You direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Thought for the Day:
God invites us to bask in His love; abide in His peace
and hide under His wings when life scares us (Psalm 91:4); we learn to accept
love when it is given and to serve others only when God's Spirit leads us to do
so; this prevents burn-out and promotes joy in living regardless of our
circumstances.
