From Frightened to Freedom

As a young wife and mother of three, my life was hectic at best. On top of this, I viewed life and reacted to its challenges and issues from a codependent and perfectionistic attitude - double trouble.

I wanted to please everyone, so they would like and love me; I thought that the only way to accomplish this feat was to be perfect. I was under the delusion that if I loved and served everyone - even to the detriment of myself - they would love me in return.

However, all I did was to teach people to take me for granted and to treat me like a doormat and their unpaid servant - chief cook, bottle washer, baby sitter, housekeeper and problem solver. People took advantage of me, which stressed me out even further.

I even did this with God. I attempted to keep every "jot and tittle of the law" (Matthew 5:18), hoping to please God with my undying service, in order to earn His love. I turned into a foolish "Galatian" and ran myself ragged, meeting myself coming and going (Galatians 3:1-3).

Stress kept me from sleeping and sleeplessness made me grouchy, which caused me to be short-tempered with those I loved. I hated who I was…I hated me, but I had no idea how to change things.

My self-esteem was in the bottom of the tank and I felt like I was drowning in the details of life. Finally, in desperation, I started researching codependence: what caused it and how to get free from it.

I learned that I had to stop neglecting my own needs every day and to allow others to meet their own needs once in a while. The books promised that they would still love me anyway, even if I did not "earn" it.

I figured that even if they did not love me, then they had no true feelings for me in the first place. I also translated this into the spiritual realm. God already loved me when I was a lost sinner, and He would always love me unconditionally (Romans 5:8); therefore, I could enter His rest and enjoy His favor.

This fact stopped the codependence dead in its tracks. I did a 180 degree turn around and walked away from this driven lifestyle. God's Spirit broke the shackles of expectations that I allowed to chain me to a meager existence.

When I entered into God's rest, I found a security and warmth that I missed all my life. Over the ensuing years, the comfort of God's rest brought me more peace and joy than I ever dreamed possible; and He continually supplies all of my needs with His glorious riches.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You so much for Your grace and mercy, which lead us in Your everlasting way (John 10:28-30; 1 Peter 5:10). You teach us lessons all along life's path and You bring us into ever-increasing intimacy with Your presence within us. When we let go of the impossible demands of pleasing people and focus instead on walking by the direction of Your Spirit moment by moment, we enter into Your rest, we receive Your gift of mercy and love, and we learn to trust in Your wisdom.

Due to Christ's saving redemption on Calvary's cross, we are no longer slaves of the demon of perfectionism. Instead, we follow the leading of Your Spirit and rest in Your goodness and grace. We trust in You with our whole heart; acknowledge You in all of our thoughts, words and deeds; and glorify You as You direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Thought for the Day:

God invites us to bask in His love; abide in His peace and hide under His wings when life scares us (Psalm 91:4); we learn to accept love when it is given and to serve others only when God's Spirit leads us to do so; this prevents burn-out and promotes joy in living regardless of our circumstances.

When Our Children Reject Us

 

When my daughter grew into a young woman, she distanced herself from me for sharing Jesus and Bible verses with her and some of her friends. She believed that I was trying to convert them and this offended her. She stopped contacting me and eventually told me to stop contacting her. People ask me all the time how I can possibly deal with my daughter’s rejection of me.

I remind these caring people that my trust and hope is in God. My spirit is Born Again and Christ in me helps my human soul. My soul – my thoughts, emotions and choices – misses fellowship with my only daughter. However, my spirit rejoices, because she realizes my strong commitment to Christ.

One day she will comprehend that I live my life according to all of the teachings of Christ, not just the popular ones. For the glory of God, I imparted to my children the wisdom of Biblical precepts and knowledge (Proverbs 22:6; Deuteronomy 4:9; 6:6-9).  I know that one day they will all be encouraged and strengthened by these same convictions, which I cling to.

God has a plan for each of our children. God fills our quiver with them and then shows us in which direction to aim them as arrows into the future (Psalm 127:4-5; Proverbs 29:17). Paul commended Timothy because he shared the same faith as his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5). My younger son already shares and lives by Biblical faith. I look forward to the day when my daughter and my older son come to faith in Christ as well (2 Timothy 3:14-15).

Prayer:

Father God, we surrender our children to Your care and Your purposes for their life. Teach our children by Your Spirit and impart Your wisdom and peace into their lives (Isaiah 54:13). We release them into Your care, protection, direction and provision (Psalm 127:3–5). Humble them until they exalt You in their life. Protect them in the palm of Your hand and draw them to Your bleeding heart by Your sacrificial love.

Thought for the Day:

Children are a gift from God; they are a reward from Him. – Psalm 127:3

The Quest for Love and Acceptance

“Even if my father and mother should desert me, you will take care of me.” – Psalm 27:10

In 1954, my baby brother made his debut into our family. At the advanced age of 3 years, I did not share in my parents’ joy. To start with, he came on MY birthday! Needless to say, I did not get the appropriate attention on that day…my parents were otherwise preoccupied. My mom was in the hospital for several days and I was not allowed to see her. I felt lost and alone without her as my security. I stayed with relatives who tried to make me eat spinach…YUCK!

They even put me in the broom closet under the stairway, because I was naughty. It was dark in there, and I cried. Equally as bad, however, was the fact that I did not get any dessert, since I did not eat my spinach. My whole life followed suit to this scenario with two more brothers coming along. Of course, my memories may be more vivid and painful than reality, but this feeling that my needs did not matter stayed with me as I grew up.

To top this off, my mom was emotionally distant and my dad had a hair-trigger temper, due to deficiencies in their childhood. I contemplated suicide many times as a teenager, because of the painful reality of my unpopularity at school and my troubled home life. Eventually, I gravitated toward other students who shared a similar social status with me. After that, I never lacked for friends. As my ugly duckling persona developed into a swan, my popularity in my circle of friends grew. I dated every weekend and I went to more than one senior prom.

I still felt less than whole, however. I had a hole in my heart that ached. I thought I needed my parents’ acceptance; however, one fateful day I discovered the real solution in my quest for love. A vivacious redhead in my yearbook class introduced me to her new best friend, Jesus Christ. In Christ, I discovered the joy of being a child of God. I relished the concept of a Father's grace, patience and unconditional love, which I had never known.

God moved into my life and everything changed. I found acceptance for my idiosyncrasies and supernatural direction for my lack of talent. I experienced forgiveness for all of my sins. God has mercy and compassion on whomever He chooses; and thankfully, He chose me (Romans 9:11-16). I no longer had to earn love, because my Heavenly Daddy gave it to me as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8-10).

God promised never to leave me alone and to do for me all that His Word promises (Genesis 28:15; Hebrews 13:5). This truth transformed my life. I no longer cowered in a corner, but stepped up to the plate and swung at every pitch the Lord lobbed my way. The shy, introverted girl within me still blossoms into an extrovert every time the Spirit of God commissions my services for His Kingdom’s work. In Jesus Christ, I found the greatest love of all time…Love that laid down His own life for me. 

Prayer:

Father God, in Your paradoxical economy, we gain by losing (Philippians 3:7-8), we save our life by dying daily to the old carnal nature (Matthew 10:39; Luke 17:33), we receive by giving with a joyful heart (Acts 20:35), we are exalted through humility (James 4:10), we find Your strength through our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:10) and we achieve freedom by serving (Romans 6:18). Thank You for giving us all the chance to live as members of Your family and to enjoy Your love, which never fails (1 Corinthians 13:1-8; Psalm 136).

Thought for the Day:

God will never leave us alone or forsake us, and His love never ends. – Deuteronomy 31:6

 

Standing Up

Read: Luke 21:14-19

“But all these things they will do to you for My name's sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. - John 15:21 (NKJV)

Sometimes, when we stand up for Jesus, our relationships with others fall down. Even close family members reject Him and may reject us as well. However, when we live with an eternal mindset and vision, the carnal, temporary life holds little value in the whole scheme of what is truly valuable.

A few years ago, my daughter told me that if I respected her, I would never mention Jesus Christ or scripture to her or her friends again. I explained that Christianity is not what I do, but who I am. Therefore, I could not take it off and put it on again. It is permanent. She chose to end our relationship because of what she perceived as my lack of respect for her.

I take comfort in the fact that the world rejected Jesus also. I also continue to pray that once she knows Him who sent me, our relationship will be restored.

Prayer:

Lord, I pray for those I love who do not know You as their Lord and Savior. Thank You for revealing Yourself to them now and always.

Thought for the Day:

Sometimes life demands that we let go in order to receive.