Nagging comes from fear and worry about some issue that would cause us or our loved one not to reap good results from some choice. However, as my husband recently revealed to me, nagging or “mothering” is irritating, condescending and insulting.
The reason that we nag is because another person ignores our words. It seems that they are purposely disregarding our advice or rebelling against our wisdom on the subject. They would almost rather fail than to take our advice or to follow our set routine for some aspect of their life.
They feel that behind our nagging, we are actually belittling their integrity, their ability to know what is best for their own life, and/or that we do not trust them to make wise decisions on their own – even though they are adults.
They prefer that we make suggestions with word such as: “You may want to consider…” or “I find that _____ choice is usually more successful than other choices”, or “I would feel less afraid if you ____, than if you do ____” , etc. This allows them to make their own choices without feeling like they are just “obeying” our directives.
This method gives them more confidence in making new decisions. If we stop nagging, and repeating the same remarks over and over, we may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. We can get the other person’s attention when they are not busy, start with the words, “What I am going to say is very important to me …” and then share our fear or worry.
We can also ask if our spouse or child is willing to pray with us about the issue. This way God is able to change our opinion as well as theirs. When their decisions affect us as well as them, it is really hard for us to step back. However, I find that if I let others make their own decisions, then I can make my own decisions – even if they are contrary and lead us in different directions for a time.
Prayer:
Father God, help us to watch and listen to those we are talking to, and to know when our words are making them feel uncomfortable. Teach us that if we repeat our words, then we are crossing the line into nagging; therefore, requesting a discussion about the issue(s), and getting each other’s perspective is better than airing our opinion over and over again.
Although it is hard for us to separate our self from another person’s choices affecting our safety, show us alternative ways that we can make our own choices to keep their consequences from impacting us in such a major way. Show us a way to see that we do not want to nag or smother those we love, because this is not the way to show how much we love them and that we want what is best for them; but we cannot allow our self to suffer from their choices either.
Thought for the Day:
Trying to change someone’s direction or behavior by nagging is actually a self-defeating procedure; if we point out the wise and productive choices that these people make, this will encourage them to put more thought into their subsequent choices too, because this shows that we really appreciate the wisdom in most of their choices.
