Bare-knuckle fighting tends to hurt more than a round or two with gloves on our hands. We soften the blows, while making our point, without wounding each other. Every human relationship has its ups and downs. It is how we handle them that makes or break us.
When I bring up an issue from our past, my husband accuses me of “getting historical” on him. I guess that is better than “getting hysterical,” which used to be my tendency. I felt trapped by the issue and believed I had to fight my way out of it, so I used anger to protect myself.
Kevin taught me to use my “words” instead of my intense negative emotions to express my real concerns. He also asked me not to make assumptions based on my suspicions of what occurred or how he felt, but to ask questions to ascertain the facts instead.
That made sense to me, so I made it my focus for the next few months. Experts say that we can alter a bad habit in 3 weeks by doing something different and changing our focus. I tried it, and this concept really does work well. I formed a new habit that helps us to get along better as a couple.
Arguments are not about winning or losing, but about helping each other to change the way we look at a particular problem. We are part of a team, not opponents in a war. Once we are on the same page by praying together about a third option, we create a more peaceful atmosphere in our home.
Spending time together snuggling, chatting, sharing a hobby, going for a long walk or a drive in the country, etc. help us to communicate random ideas that flit through our mind. We can chat about inconsequential ideas, humorous anecdotes, the beauty in nature all around us, matters that we read that are of interest to us, etc.
Prayer:
Father God, it is even hard for us to get along when we live by our self. We continually chatter to our self and even argue with our self. Then, when we incorporate someone new into our “space” this increases our chances of discord. We even argue with You at times of prayer about issues that we feel unprepared to face.
Remind us to marry someone that we consider our friend, who understands us, supports us, cherishes us and does not make life about them, excluding us in their choices and decisions. Once we do get married, help us to see that trying new things with one another may open up a whole new opportunity to spend time together in a relaxing or fun-filled experience. We also take uninterrupted time to discuss matters that we disagree about, and to find a third alternative, about which we both feel God’s peace.
Thought for the Day:
Making time to experience life, to share our heart, to pray about our concerns, and to support one another influences the longevity of our marriage; laughing, having fun, and finding new adventures and places to explore together give us opportunities to widen our horizons and to give us new things to try or about which to converse.
