It is so important, during the dating phase of any relationship, to pay attention to those issues, habits and character traits that cause red flags to rise up in our soul. Also, sometimes people put their best foot forward during the dating phase of a relationship, so we need to be discerning in all of our relationships.
We are so “in love” with being “in love” that we often ignore or deny these irritating or concerning characteristics in the person we are dating, rather than to admit them openly. We also attempt to hide who we really are and to adopt attitudes, behavior, and ways of thinking that are more in sync with the person we are seeing.
We fit our self into an unrealistic mold in order to be accepted and loved. This only sets us both up for disappointments down the road. If we want a lasting relationship, it is very important to be honest about who we are and what makes us happy, and to honestly assess our friend’s shortcomings and true assets.
This is why dating people of like mind, those that we already consider as our friend, is the best way to form a lasting marriage. As friends, we already worked out many of the kinks in our relationship, and we found areas that we really admire and respect and enjoy about one another.
A firm, enduring friendship is a partnership where we are happy to help one another. One person does not demand all of the attention, while the other person is a doormat or goes along to get along. One of us does not do all of the serving, while the other makes all the demands and has all of the expectations.
We share similar priorities, worldview and mindset about the important issues in life, such as: having children, parenting styles, where to live, what type of church to worship in, the activities we accept or those that we really enjoy; the type of meals that we prefer; the habits that we can tolerate and those we cannot; financial principles we use as a budget for our earnings, etc.
We will not change one another after we say, “I do.” Therefore, it is important to love or wholeheartedly accept everything about each other before moving into an engagement period. It is better to remain friends and date other people than to attempt to force each other into our mold for them. This is never successful.
Prayer:
Father God, marriage is a sacred institution initiated by You in Paradise. Help us to adopt Your goals for us as a couple, to pray together, to work together toward a common goal, and to play together. Teach us to communicate our values prior to marriage and to support each other in them after the ceremony. Remind us to forgive one another before the sun sets (Ephesians 4:26), so that we do not carry over negative attitudes or feelings into the next day.
Help us to accept the advice of people outside of our marriage, but to make the final decision together as a couple. Preferring to please our parents, children, friends, etc. rather than our mate, sets us up with a situation that will undermine our love and acceptance of one another. Remind us to pray together about every decision, so that we can hear Your Spirit’s direction for all of our goals and activities.
Thought for the Day:
Although no relationship is ever perfect, if we have an attitude of service to one another – both of us giving rather than taking – we can work out any disagreements through prayer; and at the same time, increase our love, respect, compassion and cherishing feelings for one another all the days of our life.
