The Healing Journey - Part 1 - The Schizophrenic Bride

As a young bride of 20 years old, I wanted to be the perfect wife. As a co-dependent, I did not want to nag or disagree - so that my husband would love me.

My uncle told me that if I was even half the wife my mother was to my dad, I'd be a great wife; so not to worry. I did learn a great deal about being a loving and submissive wife from my mom.

She lived with a manic-depressive husband. She learned to soothe the savage beast in him; but she had to learn not to take his words and behavior to heart.

She had her own interests and pursued them with a passion; yet, was home every day when her four children returned from school; and she had supper ready every night when my dad walked into the house from work.

As I started my new life as a wife, I would wince and swallow every hurt, disappointment, deprivation, abuse and neglect without saying a word, just as I learned from my mom.

I stuffed my feelings and opinions too. However, the trouble with me started because my threshold for pain was too low and my Italian temper, inherited from my dad, flared up too quickly.

I eventually started blowing up like a volcano, and then instantly cooled; but I did not realize the deep scars, which my outburst left on my husband's soul. He thought I acted like a schizophrenic.

I was sweet and caring most of the time; and then without warning, I erupted at what seemed like the slightest provocation without any apparent reason.

This problem arose because of all of the power of all of that internalized pain. The full force came out in an Italian temper tantrum when I finally did blow over the last straw - which actually did appear - to any by-stander - to be a very small and inconsequential provocation.

I lived broken, fearful and insecure like this for 22 years of marriage until my former husband decided I was too wounded for him to live with any longer. He saw no option for us but divorce.

God used my husband divorcing me as my breaking point to help me to totally surrender my life to Him. With no job or alimony, I faced the future in total dependence on God and He proved Himself more than faithful.

I clung to Christ with every rasping breath and God redeemed my life yet again. He sent me to a minister who helped me to heal from my past; and He turned my mourning into dancing and restored to me all of the years, which the canker worm destroyed (Joel 2:25).

Prayer:

Father God, no one is perfect in this life. We are all products of our upbringing, but we are responsible for our responses to life as they occur. Although we try to overcome or hide them, we drag our wounds around with us like hindering baggage. Show us clearly that Satan's lies are keeping us linked to these wounds from our past, buried deeply within our subconscious mind.

Thank You for teaching us to recognize these lies, to hear Your truth about them and to discard them as we walk away from them with healing from Your wings (Malachi 4:2). We live to serve You another day with all of the fullness of Your Holy Spirit within us. ( www.theophostic.com )

Thought for the Day:

God works out even the most debilitating circumstances in our life for our ultimate good. - Romans 8:28

Complete Dependence on God

Even in the midst of the most chaotic of circumstances, Jesus is still as present with us as if we were sitting alone by an ocean or a wooded stream. He makes His presence real to us if we take time to seek Him. He helps us to walk in the supernatural realm rather than in human wisdom and strength. We will not fail, because His Spirit enables us to live in the will of God each moment of the day.

Union with Christ requires dependence. If we have an ounce of independence left in our nature, we will struggle. However, there is no need for self-incrimination and condemnation. With each struggle, we learn valuable lessons, which we avoid the next time we are in similar circumstances. We can call on God in our trouble and He will answer us and show us great and mighty things (Jeremiah 33:3).

Eventually, the power of Christ in us will overcome the issues in our flesh with which we struggle. We walk in victory over that pesky sin that defeated us for so long. Not because of power in our own strength to overcome it, but because of our complete dependence on Christ in us. Our faith cannot save us; only complete trust in our Father can save us.

In us, in our flesh, nothing good dwells (Romans 7:18). Apart from Christ, we can only fail. Facing our failings chases us into the waiting arms of our Father God. By faith in God’s faithfulness, we walk in His Spirit each moment of our day. Our union with Christ empowers us to live in harmony with Biblical standards. We abide in continual fellowship with the Trinity and the power of God.

Prayer:

Father God, humility comes once we recognize our helpless state without You. Help us to avoid wandering in the wilderness of sin and deprivation by immediately revealing our lost state to us. Help us to obey when Your Spirit tells us to cross over Jordan (Joshua 3:1-4:24). Remind us that without You living in us, we can do nothing (John 15:5); but because you abide in us, we can do anything You call us to do (Philippians 4:13).

Thought for the Day:

Don’t spend a moment of your life wandering in the wilderness of sin. Live, move and have your being in God’s Spirit and walk in the victory of Canaan’s rest and abundance. – Acts 17:28; Hebrews 4:1-13