The Healing Journey - Part 1 - The Schizophrenic Bride

As a young bride of 20 years old, I wanted to be the perfect wife. As a co-dependent, I did not want to nag or disagree - so that my husband would love me.

My uncle told me that if I was even half the wife my mother was to my dad, I'd be a great wife; so not to worry. I did learn a great deal about being a loving and submissive wife from my mom.

She lived with a manic-depressive husband. She learned to soothe the savage beast in him; but she had to learn not to take his words and behavior to heart.

She had her own interests and pursued them with a passion; yet, was home every day when her four children returned from school; and she had supper ready every night when my dad walked into the house from work.

As I started my new life as a wife, I would wince and swallow every hurt, disappointment, deprivation, abuse and neglect without saying a word, just as I learned from my mom.

I stuffed my feelings and opinions too. However, the trouble with me started because my threshold for pain was too low and my Italian temper, inherited from my dad, flared up too quickly.

I eventually started blowing up like a volcano, and then instantly cooled; but I did not realize the deep scars, which my outburst left on my husband's soul. He thought I acted like a schizophrenic.

I was sweet and caring most of the time; and then without warning, I erupted at what seemed like the slightest provocation without any apparent reason.

This problem arose because of all of the power of all of that internalized pain. The full force came out in an Italian temper tantrum when I finally did blow over the last straw - which actually did appear - to any by-stander - to be a very small and inconsequential provocation.

I lived broken, fearful and insecure like this for 22 years of marriage until my former husband decided I was too wounded for him to live with any longer. He saw no option for us but divorce.

God used my husband divorcing me as my breaking point to help me to totally surrender my life to Him. With no job or alimony, I faced the future in total dependence on God and He proved Himself more than faithful.

I clung to Christ with every rasping breath and God redeemed my life yet again. He sent me to a minister who helped me to heal from my past; and He turned my mourning into dancing and restored to me all of the years, which the canker worm destroyed (Joel 2:25).

Prayer:

Father God, no one is perfect in this life. We are all products of our upbringing, but we are responsible for our responses to life as they occur. Although we try to overcome or hide them, we drag our wounds around with us like hindering baggage. Show us clearly that Satan's lies are keeping us linked to these wounds from our past, buried deeply within our subconscious mind.

Thank You for teaching us to recognize these lies, to hear Your truth about them and to discard them as we walk away from them with healing from Your wings (Malachi 4:2). We live to serve You another day with all of the fullness of Your Holy Spirit within us. ( www.theophostic.com )

Thought for the Day:

God works out even the most debilitating circumstances in our life for our ultimate good. - Romans 8:28

My Soul Waits - A Frank Conversation

Negative, shaming self-talk comes from Satan in order to discourage us from allowing God to use us to His full potential within us. It diminishes our ability to receive the flow of God's love to us.

We feel like crawling into a closet or curling into a tiny ball and hiding from the world. We cannot even look at our self in the mirror.

Our judgmental, critical, shaming and censoring thoughts about our self and others cripples us and deflects the immensity of the Truth of God's unconditional love and acceptance for us.

We do not sense God's faith, hope and love within us in the person of Jesus Christ. We are unable to detect His will through our hurried lives and busy days.

We have to get off the merry-go-round of life and have a frank conversation with God. As we share our heart with Him, we empty our soul of the cares of this life and our deep seated insecurities.

Meditating on God's Word throughout the day helps us to focus on Him and His will for our life. This trains our soul to think on heavenly things rather than being carnally minded.

In the silent times of waiting on God, we enjoy His companionable silence as He showers us with His love, fills us with His peace and gives us His joy as our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

He gets us ready for the next trial or temptation or crisis which we will face by strengthening us from the inside out. He showers us with His blessings and love to re-enforce our spirit and prepare us for the battle ahead.

Prayer:

Father God, You have a distinct purpose for each person You created. You sent Your Son to redeem us and Your Spirit to direct us throughout our lifetime. Make us aware of Your presence during the quiet times we maintain throughout our day.

Remind us to listen to Your voice, rather than the satanic voices in our mind. Draw us closer to You. We thank You for never letting us go (Hebrews 13:5). Work in us the divine nature of Christ (2 Peter 1:4), and fulfill in us and through us all of your promises.

Thought for the Day:

God has a perfect, prearranged plan for our life; and as we walk in it, we find His presence along with fulfillment and holiness. - John 17:17-18; Ephesians 2:10

The Mind of Christ

Paul encourages us to adopt the same mindset about life that Jesus had. He goes on to explain that Jesus proclaimed that He was equal with God. With Christ in us, we too have His Godly nature (Philippians 2:5-6).

Even with His divine nature and character, however, Jesus did not use this fact to build His reputation. He did proclaim His deity (John 10:30, 17:21), but He did not use this fact to promote Himself.

We learn this same humility in our daily walk (Philippians 2:7), which allows us to also serve one another (Mark 9:35). Jesus obediently paid the ultimate sacrifice on Calvary's cross and taught us to lay down our life for one another (Philippians 2:8; 1 John 3:16).

When we realize that our sin crucifies again the Lord Jesus Christ, we run from sin and live in the will of God instead (Hebrews 6:6; 1 Peter 4:2). We want to honor God with our thoughts, words and deeds.

Jesus fulfilled the law through His birth, death and resurrection (Matthew 5:17). He kept God's commandments and He helps us to keep them too. We abide in His love (John 15:10), and He gives us His wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and redemption (1 Corinthians 1:30).

Through His death, God exalted the name and person of Jesus above every name, and every tongue will eventually proclaim His Lordship over all the nations of the earth (Philippians 2:9-11).

Jesus did not abandon us, but He sent us the Holy Spirit of God to teach us all things and to bring them to our remembrance. God's Spirit teaches us to change our focus from one of carnality to one of spirituality (1 Corinthians 2:14).

The Spirit serves as our comforter and guide (John 14:26, 16:12-15; 1 Corinthians 2:11-13; Acts 8:29, 11:12), and helps us to be like-minded, loving and living in one accord with the rest of the Body of Christ (Philippians 2:1-11). 

Jesus' life and crucifixion exemplified perfect patience (1 Timothy 1:15-16). With the mind of Christ in us, we find spiritual support, comfort of love, fellowship with His Spirit, affection, mercy and joy in our relationship with Christ.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for giving us the mind of Christ, which helps us to make sense of this world of strife and confusion (Philippians 2:5). You inspire us to live in humility and to serve one another as Christ serves us. We look out for one another and protect each others interests (Philippians 2:3-4).

Although Jesus is equal with You, He still took the form of a man in order to redeem us from our wickedness and sin (Philippians 2:7-8; Matthew 20:28). We exalt His name in our hearts and with our lives and look forward to His rule and reign on this earth for eternity (Philippians 2:9-11).

Thought for the Day:

Once we learn to think as Jesus thought, then we can live, move and find fulfillment on this earth just as Jesus did in all of His humility, love and power. - Acts 17:28