The Healing Journey - Part 3 - Dwelling with Understanding

Eighteen months after my marriage dissolved, God introduced me to a loving man who was also rejected by his former mate. It was not long before I fell back into my old schizophrenic habits whenever I felt fearful and insecure.

Rather than to reject me, he dwelt with me with understanding and helped me to heal from this inappropriate behavior and to learn new habits.

First, he taught me to gather all of the facts when I felt slighted, wounded or harmed by his behavior. He insisted that he would never purposely hurt me, so I needed to discuss my feelings with him right away in order to get clarification and assurance.

He asked me not to allow my feelings to build up until the last straw and then to blow up like a volcano, but to share with him as they were happening.

We soon discovered that I often did share my feelings appropriately, but he did not always take them seriously. As a man, he did not see the relevance of some of my feelings and just ignored them.

This revelation taught him to start listening to me more earnestly. Also, I learned to discern when his ears were disengaged; so rather than blow up I would jokingly say, "Are you going to pay attention, or do I have to pull out my Italian temper?"

This reminded him to help me to resolve the issues that bothered me. He realized that if they were important enough for me to communicate them, then they were important enough for his full attention.

He learned to have compassion for my concerns, even if he saw them as inconsequential. He made an effort to stop making decisions that affected my life without discussing them with me first. I felt more understood, less fearful and less insecure.

Divorce is never an option, because there is no disagreement that cannot be resolved. God brought us into a new and deeper union with one another and with Him, than we ever thought possible on this side of heaven.

We do not take one another for granted and we nurture and enjoy each other. We make a great team as mates and as co-workers in the Kingdom of God. Together, we are learning to hear and to follow the leading of God's Spirit even in the minutest details of life.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for bringing two rejected individuals together, to help one another to heal, to grow in our relationship with You and one another, and to work together as we bloom where You plant us. Teach us to continue to live in harmony, and to love and appreciate one another as our personality needs to be loved.

( http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ )

Thank you for using us as examples of a loving relationship to inspire other couples to lay down their life for one another and to mutually submit to one another as co-heirs with Christ (Ephesians 5:21; 1 Peter 3:7). We cherish our relationship with You now and we look forward to eternity in Your presence as well.

Thought for the Day:

As we maintain a pure heart before the Lord, He makes all thing beautiful in their time. - Ecclesiastes 3:11

The Healing Journey - Part 1 - The Schizophrenic Bride

As a young bride of 20 years old, I wanted to be the perfect wife. As a co-dependent, I did not want to nag or disagree - so that my husband would love me.

My uncle told me that if I was even half the wife my mother was to my dad, I'd be a great wife; so not to worry. I did learn a great deal about being a loving and submissive wife from my mom.

She lived with a manic-depressive husband. She learned to soothe the savage beast in him; but she had to learn not to take his words and behavior to heart.

She had her own interests and pursued them with a passion; yet, was home every day when her four children returned from school; and she had supper ready every night when my dad walked into the house from work.

As I started my new life as a wife, I would wince and swallow every hurt, disappointment, deprivation, abuse and neglect without saying a word, just as I learned from my mom.

I stuffed my feelings and opinions too. However, the trouble with me started because my threshold for pain was too low and my Italian temper, inherited from my dad, flared up too quickly.

I eventually started blowing up like a volcano, and then instantly cooled; but I did not realize the deep scars, which my outburst left on my husband's soul. He thought I acted like a schizophrenic.

I was sweet and caring most of the time; and then without warning, I erupted at what seemed like the slightest provocation without any apparent reason.

This problem arose because of all of the power of all of that internalized pain. The full force came out in an Italian temper tantrum when I finally did blow over the last straw - which actually did appear - to any by-stander - to be a very small and inconsequential provocation.

I lived broken, fearful and insecure like this for 22 years of marriage until my former husband decided I was too wounded for him to live with any longer. He saw no option for us but divorce.

God used my husband divorcing me as my breaking point to help me to totally surrender my life to Him. With no job or alimony, I faced the future in total dependence on God and He proved Himself more than faithful.

I clung to Christ with every rasping breath and God redeemed my life yet again. He sent me to a minister who helped me to heal from my past; and He turned my mourning into dancing and restored to me all of the years, which the canker worm destroyed (Joel 2:25).

Prayer:

Father God, no one is perfect in this life. We are all products of our upbringing, but we are responsible for our responses to life as they occur. Although we try to overcome or hide them, we drag our wounds around with us like hindering baggage. Show us clearly that Satan's lies are keeping us linked to these wounds from our past, buried deeply within our subconscious mind.

Thank You for teaching us to recognize these lies, to hear Your truth about them and to discard them as we walk away from them with healing from Your wings (Malachi 4:2). We live to serve You another day with all of the fullness of Your Holy Spirit within us. ( www.theophostic.com )

Thought for the Day:

God works out even the most debilitating circumstances in our life for our ultimate good. - Romans 8:28

Changed from the Inside Out

 

As I learned to enter God's rest and walk in His Spirit, I experienced intense withdrawals from my former codependent lifestyle. I acted like a schizophrenic.

One moment I would say or do something codependent and the next moment I would step into my new role as a Spirit-led Believer and say or do the opposite. I confused people by this dual personality.

Gradually, I decreased in my role as a codependent and Christ increased in me. I learned to say "No" unless God told me to say "Yes." He taught me to let the job go undone; so others whom God was calling to that role would step up and do it instead of me.

I started to see and appreciate the gray hues and tones in life, rather than seeing only black or white. My flexibility increased and my rigid extremes decreased.

The demon of perfectionism left my soul and I found joy in the messes of life as I had more time to enjoy other pursuits, which God called me to do. I actually left dishes in the sink and went to bed.

God's Spirit slowly changed my perspective from a carnal, earth-bound outlook to a spiritual, heavenly-minded one. He also healed my wounded soul, traumatized and dysfunctional since childhood and young adulthood ( www.theophostic.com ).

I released the shame and feelings of defectiveness attached to the wounds of the past and accepted His divine character and the fruit of His Spirit in their place (2 Peter 1:4; Galatians 5:22-23).

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for exposing Satan's lies, which made me believe that I had to earn love by my behavior. Your Agape love opened me up to expect unconditional love from the significant others in my life. The fear, insecurity, defensiveness and over-sensitivity, which plagued my life decreased as I learned to trust You in spite of the untrustworthy people in my life.

You taught me the reality of the fact that You work out everything for our good, even the negative experiences in our life, which threaten to choke the very life from our soul (Roman 8:28). You trained me to look for the seed for a miracle in every trial. You are our worthy, benevolent Father and we are completely loved by You.

Thought for the Day:

Self-destructive behaviors - driven by frustration, anger and a wounded soul - diminish as we learn to enter God's rest and bask in His peace and joy, which are our true source of strength. - Nehemiah 8:10