The Healing Journey - Part 1 - The Schizophrenic Bride

As a young bride of 20 years old, I wanted to be the perfect wife. As a co-dependent, I did not want to nag or disagree - so that my husband would love me.

My uncle told me that if I was even half the wife my mother was to my dad, I'd be a great wife; so not to worry. I did learn a great deal about being a loving and submissive wife from my mom.

She lived with a manic-depressive husband. She learned to soothe the savage beast in him; but she had to learn not to take his words and behavior to heart.

She had her own interests and pursued them with a passion; yet, was home every day when her four children returned from school; and she had supper ready every night when my dad walked into the house from work.

As I started my new life as a wife, I would wince and swallow every hurt, disappointment, deprivation, abuse and neglect without saying a word, just as I learned from my mom.

I stuffed my feelings and opinions too. However, the trouble with me started because my threshold for pain was too low and my Italian temper, inherited from my dad, flared up too quickly.

I eventually started blowing up like a volcano, and then instantly cooled; but I did not realize the deep scars, which my outburst left on my husband's soul. He thought I acted like a schizophrenic.

I was sweet and caring most of the time; and then without warning, I erupted at what seemed like the slightest provocation without any apparent reason.

This problem arose because of all of the power of all of that internalized pain. The full force came out in an Italian temper tantrum when I finally did blow over the last straw - which actually did appear - to any by-stander - to be a very small and inconsequential provocation.

I lived broken, fearful and insecure like this for 22 years of marriage until my former husband decided I was too wounded for him to live with any longer. He saw no option for us but divorce.

God used my husband divorcing me as my breaking point to help me to totally surrender my life to Him. With no job or alimony, I faced the future in total dependence on God and He proved Himself more than faithful.

I clung to Christ with every rasping breath and God redeemed my life yet again. He sent me to a minister who helped me to heal from my past; and He turned my mourning into dancing and restored to me all of the years, which the canker worm destroyed (Joel 2:25).

Prayer:

Father God, no one is perfect in this life. We are all products of our upbringing, but we are responsible for our responses to life as they occur. Although we try to overcome or hide them, we drag our wounds around with us like hindering baggage. Show us clearly that Satan's lies are keeping us linked to these wounds from our past, buried deeply within our subconscious mind.

Thank You for teaching us to recognize these lies, to hear Your truth about them and to discard them as we walk away from them with healing from Your wings (Malachi 4:2). We live to serve You another day with all of the fullness of Your Holy Spirit within us. ( www.theophostic.com )

Thought for the Day:

God works out even the most debilitating circumstances in our life for our ultimate good. - Romans 8:28

I am an Artist

 

As a young adult, my poor self-esteem carried over into my new Christian life. God decided to use art as His way of proving to me that Christ in me was totally capable and I could trust in Him.

He put His desire in my heart to paint. Too poor to afford supplies, I used some old paint belonging to my mother-in-law, some toothpicks and some egg shells with the insides literally blown out.

I "painted" flowers, birds, dogs, cats, trees, mountains and all sorts of nature on those egg shells and declared myself an artist. My former husband said I had to sell my art before I could claim that fame.

Well, not to be undone, I asked my Daddy to take my "art" to work with him to see if they would sell. He gave me some end-caps from metal tubing to glue on the bottom of each egg as a stand, and they were quite attractive.

Within a few days they all sold for $3.00/each; and Daddy's workmates gave me special orders to "paint" family pets, beautiful landscapes and other meaningful visuals from photos, which they gave me as examples.

Of course, I had no natural talent, but Christ in me duplicated every one of those special orders perfectly; and I had myself a new and thriving "cottage" business.

With the money I earned, I bought painting supplies: real brushes, small canvases and fresh paints. I stayed up painting for hours after my family went to bed and my chores were finished.

I kept one of those paintings (I still have it) and gave away the rest of them as gifts. Once my supplies ran out, I went back to my original love of making crafts out of trash.

I used them to decorate my home and as gifts as well. I started making my own greeting cards, which I still do to this day. Then, I moved into the realm of making jewelry for myself and as gifts.

I added the God-given talent of buying clothes at thrift stores and mixing and matching them with scarves and my jewelry as works of art. Now, I am perfectly dressed from head to toe no matter where I am, even while cleaning at home.

I am so glad that I "inherited" my Daddy God's creative abilities through Christ in me (Ecclesiastes 3:11), and I look forward to continuing to create out of other people's trash for the rest of my days on this earth (1 Corinthians 12:12-27).

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for encouraging my young life with Your creative powers through Christ in me. I pray that You will do this exact miracle for everyone with low self-esteem who comes to know You as their personal Savior. Build them up in the most holy faith and bless them and allow them to bless others by Your love within them (Jude 1:20-25).

When Your creativity flows out of us in the form of art, baking, needlepoint, childcare, writing, building, mentoring Your Saints, engineering, teaching a class, singing, mechanics, gardening, playing musical instruments, preaching a sermon or whatever form which You choose to anoint our life, we feel at one with You in every respect (Exodus 35:1-5, 35:35; 1 Chronicles 15:16; Job 19:23-24).

Thought for the Day:

An artist is not born overnight, but cultivated over years of inspiration from our Father God, because He makes all things beautiful in His own time. - Ecclesiastes 3:11

New Life in Christ

God loved us while we were still sinner; but if we do not walk away from our sinful lifestyle, then we do not belong to Him (1 John 1:9, 3:9). God demands whole-hearted commitment from His Saints (Philippians 3:8-9).

We prove our love to God by our obedience to Him and His Word (John 14:15). Once we come to Christ for salvation, His Spirit fills our spirit and soul, and we learn to walk in step with Him (Galatians 5:25).

We discard our old nature, the personality we are born with, and we put on our new nature, which God creates in us through His Spirit (Ephesians 4:22-24; Colossians 3:9-10).

God's Spirit changes us from the inside out. His divine nature and the fruit of His Spirit replace our weak human character (2 Peter 1:4; Galatians 5:15-25). We ask God to try us and test us and examine our heart and mind (Psalm 26:2).

We learn to walk in His truth and enjoy His love, which is always surrounding us (Psalm 26:3). We look forward to spending eternity with Him and enjoy His eternal life even now on this earth (John 17:3).

Nothing will ever separate us from God's love; not even adversity, demonic activity, earthly circumstances, personal relationships or evil people devising our demise (Romans 8:35-39).

We live, move and have our entire being in Christ (Acts 17:28). We consult God for His plans for every moment of our day (Proverbs 3:5-6). We walk in joy and peace in the center of God's will.

Prayer:

Father God, the fact that You love us while we are still sinners helps us to realize that You desire that no one will eternally perish in the lake of fire (John 3:16-17). However, we often condemn our self by insisting that we live life our own way, instead of in Your will for us (John 3:18).

We attempt to fit You into the mold of our image for You, rather than to allow You to conform us to the image of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Remind us to humble our self under Your mighty hand (1 Peter 5:6; James 4:10), and to serve You until our dying breath (Psalm 146:2).

Thought for the Day:

When we come together as Believers, let us share what God is doing in our life, how we recently sensed His presence in our life, how His grace saw us through a particularly trying experience, what He is teaching us from His Word and what He is perfecting in our life.

Many thanks to Matt Milligan for the use of his photo.