When One Side Wins

When one side "wins" an argument, both sides lose. The person or group that was not allowed to make their point, or who did not have the opportunity to make their point, feels dejected and frustrated and unable to affect their own life.

This effects their relationship and attitude about the "winning" side. They may forgive, but they still feel discounted and misunderstood. They withdraw from the relationship both emotionally and possibly also physically, even if just a little bit.

The sad point of this scenario is that this is so unnecessary. There does not have to be a winner and a loser in an argument. There can be a discussion, which leads to a mutually acceptable solution.

This way everybody wins! No one person or group "gets their way", but they find an equally impartial solution that meets everyone's needs.

When we each have a need and our own solution, but we cannot agree on either one, we can pray or brainstorm together and find a third alternative that we both like.

We can do some research, ask advice from other people, read some articles on the topic, go to a counselor if necessary, and find a third alternative that both sides agree upon.

Then everyone is happy, everyone feels heard and valued, and everyone wins. In our society, we have a two party system and we tend to be black-and-white thinkers.

There is no room or tolerance for any gray areas that may require that we think outside of our little box, to experiment, and to consider the good of the group rather than for our self alone.

The only area that is not up for compromise is our belief in and devotion to God. We follow His Spirit's direction in every area of our life and we stand firm on the Word of God alone.

Prayer:

Father God, help us to be more interested in serving others than our self, putting the needs of others in the same degree of importance in our life as our own needs. Remind us not to neglect our self, but to honor others as our self.

You have a perfect will and way for our life and it is our responsibility to hear from Your Spirit in every aspect of our life (Ephesians 2:10; Proverbs 3:5-6). We draw near to You, refuse to allow Satan to wreak havoc in our life and we allow You to direct our paths (James 4:7).

Thought for the Day:

Once we purify the desires of our soul by obeying God's truth, we develop a genuine love for others, we love each other deeply and we maintain a pure heart for God to use in His service. - 1 Peter 1:22

Disposable People - Part 2 - Advantages of Staying Married

There are many advantages to staying together with our first love. The main benefit is for our children. The continuity of the family is a basic human need.

Children are encouraged that their own marriage will make it through the tough times, just like their parents did. Otherwise, they will develop a disposable mentality as well.

Staying married contributes to overall emotional, mental, spiritual, financial and physical health. It reduces the stress of starting over and the effects of grief, which divorce adds to our life.

Dating new people, while fun in some cases, is risky because everyone has baggage of some sort, visible and invisible. In a second marriage, we often spend more time with our spouse's children than our own.

Therefore, do not get careless in your marriage; relax, but look, speak and act attractively for one another. Continue dating each other, even when the children come along. Enjoy your mate's company.

When we and our spouse disagree, we can find a third alternative, on which we can both agree. If there is a seemingly unsolvable issue, get counseling to find an agreeable path.

We may need to take a break, to put a brief time or distance between each other in order to gain a new perspective on our relationship.

A separation for the purpose of reconciliation gives us a chance to talk about our disagreements with the freedom of having a safe place to go if tempers flare or we feel frustrated or unsafe.

We may find that we miss our spouse, the security they give to our life and little joys they bring to our everyday experiences, their laughter and support.

We can both agree to change habits which cause friction in our relationship. We can gain a better understanding of our spouse by talking intimately about each other's honest feelings, needs and desires.

Forgiveness helps us to rekindle the love we once felt for each other. We will grow to admire, encourage, appreciate, cherish and serve one another all the days of our life, and we will stay together until death parts us.

Prayer:

Father God, remind us that our marriage vows were made to You as well as to our spouse. Prompt us to pray with our spouse, because You help us to resolve our issues. If we take turns praying, each partner praying one sentence at a time, this prevents much of the frustration of praying together. Teach us to pause and listen to You speak to us as we pray too.

Help us to bear one another's burdens, to be long suffering with each other's shortcomings, to encourage and build each other up and to enjoy one another's company. Remind us why we fell in love in the first place and help us to keep the eternal flame of agape love burning.

Thought for the Day:

Love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:8

In Complete Trust and Rest

Our work in our own self-effort actually hinders the work of the Lord (2 Chronicles 5:14). We spin our wheels by attempting to make things happen on our own. We end up frustrated, anxious and even angry at times.

Yet, if we put our needs and the direction of our life into God's capable hands, and allow His Holy Spirit to guide each moment of our day, we end up in the right place at the right time.

If we do not have what we want or what we think we need, we can be sure that God does not think we need it at this moment of time. We often get bored and want a change or feel desperate in some area and decide that we know what is best for us.

Yet, when we release all negative emotions and wait on the Lord's direction, we end up receiving even more and infinitely better than we ever had in our whole life (Ephesians 3:20-21).

My sister-in-Christ needed a new house. She combed the papers daily and worked with several rental agencies, desperate to find a new place to live. She falsely believed that it was up to her to relocate her family.

After many months and an inordinate amount of stress and time of spinning her wheels, she gave up, prayed for God's will and timing and entered His rest. She listened to His Spirit each succeeding day. Within a week, she had the perfect home for her family.

Another Believer had a similar story with a job. When she decided to abide in God's rest, she lost her desperate drive. She joyfully turned down a few jobs that God made clear to her were not His will for her. Within a month she had the best job in which she ever worked in her entire life and is so fulfilled and joyful now.

A widowed Believer strongly desired a new husband. She tried every avenue she could think of to find a husband. Once she surrendered her need to the Lord, she had peace and enjoyed her life as a single person.

Two years later, she met her new husband at the sickbed of a dear friend. The ailing woman highly recommended each of her single friends to one another and they started dating.

Within a few weeks, they realized that they were very much in love, enjoying the complete peace of the Lord and were married at the bedside of their dying friend. Years later, they are still head over heels in love with one another.

As we cease from our striving and trade our self-efforts for surrender to God's will, we start to serve God from a position of rest, daily obedience to His Spirit's guidance and an uncompromising desire to live in the center of God's will (Philippians 4:7).

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for teaching us to cease from living life in our own wisdom and strength, and from running through life with anxiety and stress, which make us unhappy and unfulfilled in every way. Help us to be grateful to You for every aspect of our life and to be satisfied with Your provision and timing.

Enable us to enter into Your complete trust and rest (John 14:27). Help us to be more concerned with Your will than our own, more eager to seek Your Kingdom than our own, and realizing that You will give us everything we need in Your timing and way (Matthew 6:33).

Thought for the Day:

Let gratitude for God's daily provision, as well as the peace of the Lord, fill your heart to overflowing, trusting God to work out all things for your ultimate good. 

- Colossians 3:15; Romans 8:28