Creative Conflict in Marriage

A good marriage takes effort. When two - usually opposite - personalities combine under one roof, they often end up donning the boxing gloves and duking it out! Of course there is a simpler solution.

God gives us these diverse personalities and gifts, because together we can make wiser decisions. When we are at an impasse, we take the best from both of us and make a third, mutually agreeable choice which makes so much more sense.

By keeping our eyes on Jesus, we find God's perspective and will, and we walk together in peace through His Spirit. We find comfort and wisdom from God's Word and encourage one another (Psalm 119:71, 75-76).

We join our strengths and help one another to overcome our individual weaknesses. This takes humility, and pride will only gum up the works. Having to be right and the need to have one's own needs met first are no basis for wise decisions - they are part of our insecurities.

Together we help each other overcome our idiosyncrasies and failings and guarantee that our unified decisions are in God's will. Rather than accuse and fight when we disagree, we can brainstorm for that third alternative.

Trials and tribulation are easier to handle when faced together. Our frustration, discouragement and disappointments are shared by someone who loves us unconditionally. We comfort each other in our self-doubt.

God has a purpose in every trial, and He plants the seed for a miracle in each one of them (1 Peter 4:12). He works out all of them for our ultimate good. Both partners in the marriage are blessed as we keep each other strong and face life's devastating events as lovers and friends.

Our intimacy with God and with one another strengthens through every trial, which we face together. We learn to depend on one another rather than to fight one another; and together we depend on God's goodness more than on our own resources.

Prayer:

Father God, the difficulties and perplexities of life often wear us down and cause us to adopt defense mechanism, which cause negative issues in our marriage. Help us to heal from our personal, unresolved conflicts and to dwell with each other with understanding (1 Peter 3:7). Satan may influence our past, but we do not have to allow him to continue to hinder our present or future life. Help us to draw near to You and to resist Satan's lies, so he will flee from us (James 4:7).

Thank You for linking us with a mate who will strengthen our weaknesses, help us to heal from our past hurts and challenge us to seek Your joy and comfort. Teach us not to attempt to change our mate, but to change our self and to rely on You to meet our needs. Help us to work together as a couple to live in unity with Your Spirit and with one another.

Thought for the Day:

Momentary trials lead to long-term blessings, which last a lifetime when we depend on one another and on God to see us through them.

When One Side Wins

When one side "wins" an argument, both sides lose. The person or group that was not allowed to make their point, or who did not have the opportunity to make their point, feels dejected and frustrated and unable to affect their own life.

This effects their relationship and attitude about the "winning" side. They may forgive, but they still feel discounted and misunderstood. They withdraw from the relationship both emotionally and possibly also physically, even if just a little bit.

The sad point of this scenario is that this is so unnecessary. There does not have to be a winner and a loser in an argument. There can be a discussion, which leads to a mutually acceptable solution.

This way everybody wins! No one person or group "gets their way", but they find an equally impartial solution that meets everyone's needs.

When we each have a need and our own solution, but we cannot agree on either one, we can pray or brainstorm together and find a third alternative that we both like.

We can do some research, ask advice from other people, read some articles on the topic, go to a counselor if necessary, and find a third alternative that both sides agree upon.

Then everyone is happy, everyone feels heard and valued, and everyone wins. In our society, we have a two party system and we tend to be black-and-white thinkers.

There is no room or tolerance for any gray areas that may require that we think outside of our little box, to experiment, and to consider the good of the group rather than for our self alone.

The only area that is not up for compromise is our belief in and devotion to God. We follow His Spirit's direction in every area of our life and we stand firm on the Word of God alone.

Prayer:

Father God, help us to be more interested in serving others than our self, putting the needs of others in the same degree of importance in our life as our own needs. Remind us not to neglect our self, but to honor others as our self.

You have a perfect will and way for our life and it is our responsibility to hear from Your Spirit in every aspect of our life (Ephesians 2:10; Proverbs 3:5-6). We draw near to You, refuse to allow Satan to wreak havoc in our life and we allow You to direct our paths (James 4:7).

Thought for the Day:

Once we purify the desires of our soul by obeying God's truth, we develop a genuine love for others, we love each other deeply and we maintain a pure heart for God to use in His service. - 1 Peter 1:22

How to Love Your Husband

A man loves to be useful and to feel needed, admired, accepted as he is and appreciated. As his wife, we are his biggest fan and most vocal cheering section.

We encourage our husband, show him appreciation, leave love notes in his briefcase or lunchbox, get excited at his accomplishments and care about his day. We can ask him what he needs, and do all in our power to help.

Our husband is not our mule and a paycheck. His role in life is not to function as our servant. Even if we both work all day, and we share the chores and child care, he should choose the chores he feels comfortable doing.

When our husband has a day off, he needs some of that time for himself. Family time is important, but he needs some of that time to chill, to hang with his buds, to create in his shop, to surf the waves or the internet, or to play his gaming device.

He decompresses his stress this way and can pay more attention to the family during our time together. A date night is also important for us as a couple…a time to play, laugh, make memories, form a closer bond and do something fun.

If we make his favorite meals and have everything he needs for the next day in plain view and ready for him before we go to bed, his love for us will grow; and he will make more of an effort to care for our needs as well.

If he is withdrawn, irritable, angry, or exhibiting any negative emotions, we can give him some space and some time to work out his issues. We can ask if there is anything we can do to help, and then follow through with his requests.

When a disagreement occurs, we brainstorm and pray together rather than just caving in to our partner or fighting to get our own way. Once God shows us a scenario, which we both feel good about, we proceed with unity and joy in our heart.

Prayer:

Father God, Your Word warns us that all of the forces of hell, along with the temptations and disagreements of the world, unite to destroy our marriage. We often join them and make life more difficult for our partner.

Remind us that love never fails; so we can decide together that divorce is never an option, since divorce shreds our family and removes the support that our children need regardless of how old they are. Divorce makes Your Church vulnerable, unstable and defeated.

Revive our marriages, O Lord, so that we can rejoice in You (Psalm 85:6). Satisfy us anew each new morning with your unfailing love, so we can sing for joy and rejoice all the days of our life (Psalm 90:14).

Thought for the Day:

There is nothing, which happens in a marriage that cannot be resolved, if both mates will prefer the other person, exhibit patience during a disagreement, join forces during a trial and spend time enjoying one another's company.