Two Becoming One Flesh - A Fulfilling Marriage

The marriage of a man and a woman is a union of two individuals joined as one (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11; Ephesians 5:31). God intends for them to serve Him as a team, as co-heirs with Christ of His entire Kingdom (Romans 8:17).

At first, a couple's attraction increases their love for one another. Yet, over time they gradually stop considering one another, doing the tiny thoughtful gestures for one another that mean so much and sharing the same goals and purpose in life (Ephesians 5:33).

As the years progress, the couple eventually take each other for granted, stop romantic overtures and make other pursuits their priority in life. They co-exist, but do not work as a team or care about each other's needs as much as they care about their own.

To the Wife:

There are many women who take their husband for granted. Some insist on spending more money than he makes. Others find their fulfillment in their home and children or in their job and ignore their husband's needs.

They get caught up in the pressure of their daily demands and make no time for their husband. They forget that men need visual stimulation to feel loving, and they make no effort to groom and dress nicely for him at home.

They forget to make his favorite meal, to shop for his preferences and to make time to listen to him share about his day. A wife is given the privilege of following the outline given in Proverbs 31.

She will flourishes as a wife, mother, homemaker and business woman in this creative capacity given to her by God. God's Spirit will give her wisdom and strength to minister to her family.

To the Husband:

A man will expect his wife to be sweet and accommodating and to keep him as her primary focus (Ephesians 5:25); yet, it is often the husband's poor choices, which keep the marriage in a state of perpetual insecurity and financial loss.

No woman can be sweet and submissive when her husband stops considering her needs and keeps her life in turmoil. Then he blames her hormones or personality for her negative reactions to him.

God desires to charge the husband to dwell with and to provide for his wife with love and understanding (1 Peter 3:7). If he does, then his wife will more easily submit to His loving leadership.

A man’s responsibility is to protect his wife and to give her the feeling of safety and security she deserves. He will not take her for granted, if he realizes everything which she does for him throughout the day after day (Ephesians 4:2, 32; Romans 12:16).

To the Couple:

Any couple can keep romance alive with spontaneous little gifts, daily times to snuggle, helping each other around the house, date nights, listening with focused attention, and an unexpected phone call or an email during the day proclaiming their love for one another (1 Peter 4:10). Try it and see!

Prayer:

Father God, the opposite sexes are just that - opposite. It seems that You played a trick on humanity by causing opposites to attract. However, Your plan all along was for opposites to complement one another.

We can draw from one another's strengths to make up for our own weaknesses. Remind us that we are a team, and we will dwell together in unity as we work and pray together under the direction of Your Holy Spirit (Psalm 133:1).

Thought for the Day:

As we make an effort to increase our love for each other until it overflows, we will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. - 1 Thessalonians 3:12; Ephesians 5:21

True Friendship

As King-elect of Israel, David served King Saul by playing his harp and singing in order to calm Saul’s troubled soul. Saul relied on David, but was also jealous of God’s anointing on the young man’s life. He had a need for David, but also a hatred that burned so deeply that he often tried to take David’s life (1 Samuel 20:1-17).

One day, Saul’s son Jonathan looked at David and realized that in him he had a brother for life. They were soulmates, so they made a covenant between them. Jonathan gave David all that he possessed and did whatever David needed in order to protect his beloved friend from his father’s cruelty, even to the point of giving up his own life (1 Samuel 18:1-4).

There are few people in the world today with that type of commitment and love for one another (Psalms 41:9). Jesus Christ made just such a vow to every human being ever born. He gave His own life as a ransom to pay the sin debt that we owe. He died in our place, so that we would never have to taste death. Our last breath on this earth leads to our very next breath in Heaven, and we owe it all to Jesus Christ. Jesus is a friend that sticks closer to us than a brother (John 15:13-15). He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

At times people find it almost impossible to bond with other human beings. They are so shy or have such limited people skills that they make others uncomfortable around them. Angry people make poor friends and the Bible encourages us to stay away from them (Proverbs 22:24). Jeremiah warns us against hanging out with a brother or neighbor who is a deceiver or slanderer (Jeremiah 9:4).

Paul tells us to stay away from people who love their self, pleasure and money. He warns us against making friends with the proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and heartless, unappeasable, brutal, treacherous, reckless and conceited. He is especially uncomplimentary toward people who act religiously, but who reject the power that could make them godly. He also singles out idlers, gossips and busybodies as poor potential friends (2 Timothy 3:1-5; 1 Timothy 5:13-14).

The secret to having friends is to be friendly (Proverbs 18:24). We learn how to be a good friend from the wisdom of God’s Word. We love one another at all times and stand with each other through trials and tribulation (Proverbs 17:17; Proverbs 27:6,10). We have concern for one another, we avoid arguing and division, and we share in one another’s pain as well as rejoicing when someone is honored (1 Corinthians 12:25-26).
 
Sometimes a friend speaks the truth to us in love (Ephesians 4:15, 25). This often hurts our feelings and makes us angry. Sparks may fly between us like iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17). However, true Christians will always submit to one another and settle our differences with grace and humility (1 Peter 5:5).
 
The fact is that two people facing life together is better than one, because they reap a double reward for their labor. If one falls, the other is there to lift him/her up. We provide warmth for one another in both body and soul. A three-fold cord is not quickly broken; and when Christ is in the center of a friendship, no one will be able to stand against us (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
 

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, at times, our friends are too busy or burdened by cares in their own life to help us out. However, You are a friend that sticks closer than a brother (John 15:13-15). You told us that if we ask, You will answer; if we seek, You will show us the way; if we knock You will open the door to us (Luke 11:5-10). Teach us to be this type of friend to one another, and to lift one another up; so that those in the world will see our love for one another and be drawn to our fellowship with You (John 13:35).

Thought for the Day:

True friendship revives the life within our soul.

 

 

How to Nurture Others and Your Self

Read: Colossians 3:12-14

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” - Ephesians 4:32

Nurturing helps people to feel treasured and protected. We can all take steps to strengthen our relationships with our children and other people, including making sure they know that we love them, even when they do something wrong. This includes your self. We all make mistakes. We need to forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and we need to believe we can reach God’s potential for us. 

A healthy, nurturing relationship with your child, friends and yourself is built over the course of time. It requires a lot of energy and work. When it comes to nurturing, there are very few absolutes (one, of course, being that every person needs to be loved). There is no "right way." Different nurturing techniques show love to different people under different circumstances. People have different love languages and need to have their needs met through specific methods. Do not expect to be perfect; nurturing is a difficult, but very rewarding and necessary task.

Encourage people. Praise their achievements and talents. Recognize the skills, which they are developing and help them to improve them, if you can. Spend time with them. Do things together that you all enjoy. Listen to them even if they are not talking about something that is interesting to you. They need to know that you value them for who they are.

We all need direct and continuing access to people with whom we can develop healthy, supportive relationships. We can spend time together at libraries, museums, movies, the beach, art exhibits, music recitals, restaurants, sporting events and especially at church and times of fellowship together.

We can enroll together in enrichment programs, such as sports, music, hobbies or art. We can use community services for parent education classes and a variety of hobby classes. We can form a co-op with friends to get together one day a week or to plan once a week to keep each other’s children to give each other a day off. Communicate regularly with one another and care about each other. 

We need to encourage one another, even our children and ourselves, with words of affirmation. Here is a list circulating around the internet of words of affirmation:

I am so proud of you and all that you do with your life.
I love you, I care about you, and I accept you just the way you are.
I am so happy you are in my life.
You are so beautiful and lovable.
You are so bright and talented.
You are so artistic and creative.
You are such a good worker.

We also need to apologize to one another:
Forgive me for hurting you.
Forgive me for neglecting you.
Forgive me for forgetting you.
Forgive me for ignoring you.
Forgive me for taking you for granted.
Forgive me for making you grow up so fast.
Forgive me for relying on you to "be the adult" so much.

And, of course, reassure one another:
You can trust me and Jesus to take care of you.
You can trust me and Jesus to be there for you.
You can trust me and Jesus to help you deal with future hurt or pain.
We will work at getting healthy together.
We will have healthy fun and play together.

Challenges such as unemployment, a demanding job, a single parent, caring for an elderly parent, a child with special needs, etc can add to relationship tension. If you think stress may be affecting the way you treat your relationships, or if you just want the extra support that most people need at some point in their life, then professional counseling may help to resolve any issues that come up. Do not just give up on the relationship or a church family, just because some tension or disagreement arose. You invested time and a history with these people, and they are worth more of your effort to resolve any issues that comes up.

How can you be a more loving and nurturing person? Here are some ideas: Learn your child's, friend’s and your own love language. Each person feels love in a different way. A nurturing friend carefully studies how others like to receive love, and then sends love in that way often. Without this care, actions which we might think are loving, can be perceived as unloving. For example, one mother came home from a long day at work, met her little boy at the front door, ruffled his hair, told him "I love you!" and walked to her room. He followed her and replied, "Mommy, I don't want you to love me, I want you to play catch with me!"

In another example, a father invited his teenaged son to hunt big game in Montana. The father thought the expedition together would be a great way to spend time with his son and show his love. But what the son really wanted from his father was less dramatic - he just wanted his dad to go with him occasionally to a nearby reservoir and watch the ducks take off in flight.

One father says his children love their outings with him one at a time. They frequently ask, "When are we going on our one-on-one?" His youngest daughter is emphatic about wanting to go swimming for their time together. By honoring her request, he shows his love for her in one of the ways she can best receive it.

Love languages are discussed in many articles and books and on the Internet. You can also learn about someone else’s love language by noticing how she or he shows love. People often show love in the same way they like to receive it. You should also recall when you felt especially loved by someone else and remember what that person did, then treat yourself similarly on a regular basis.

You can also take the direct approach - ask people what you do or say that helps them to feel loved. Answers might include: playing a game together, a special gift, a hug, a  bedtime story, individual outings, midnight snacks, conversation or just listening.

Speak kindly to yourself and other people. Compliment good behavior. Say "please" and "thank you." Don't say anything demeaning or sarcastic. Even good-humored sarcasm is easily misunderstood by people and can result in unintended hurt feelings. Tell people how much you appreciate them. Draw attention to their talents and good behavior. Write thank you and love notes, when appropriate. Write short notes of love and encouragement or to show appreciation. Slip them into lunchboxes, backpacks, a purse, a briefcase, under the windshield of their car, on a coworker’s desk, etc.

One easy way to communicate care is to look into a person’s eyes (and into your own eyes in the mirror). Tell them (and yourself) how much you love him/her and communicate a few specific sentiments. Remember the power of touch. Don't hesitate to give someone a cheerful hug, a comforting hand-squeeze, or a congratulatory pat on the back. (Pat yourself on the back from time to time too. Appreciate who you are in Christ and what you do for Him and others.)

Be a friend. Spend time praying for and playing with people. Do things with them that they enjoy (do things that you enjoy as well). If you need to, schedule time with people in your day planner – this means friend time, family time, couple time and alone time.

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, thank You for bringing my friends and family into my life. Teach me to love them as You love them and remind me that this may be the last day I will be able to spend with them. Help me to take advantage of every moment to let them know that I love and appreciate them.

Thought for the Day:

Every day, encourage each family member, friend and your self by doing something that helps them to feel loved. Even very small efforts can yield big results.