“Be kind and compassionate to
one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” - Ephesians 4:32
Nurturing helps people to
feel treasured and protected. We can all take steps to strengthen our
relationships with our children and other people, including making sure they know that
we love them, even when they do something wrong. This includes your self. We
all make mistakes. We need to forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and we need
to believe we can reach God’s potential for us.
A healthy, nurturing
relationship with your child, friends and yourself is built over the course of
time. It requires a lot of energy and work. When it comes to nurturing, there
are very few absolutes (one, of course, being that every person needs to be
loved). There is no "right way." Different nurturing techniques show
love to different people under different circumstances. People have different
love languages and need to have their needs met through specific methods. Do
not expect to be perfect; nurturing is a difficult, but very rewarding and
necessary task.
Encourage
people. Praise their achievements and talents. Recognize the skills, which they
are developing and help them to improve them, if you can. Spend time with them.
Do things together that you all enjoy. Listen to them even if they are not
talking about something that is interesting to you. They need to know that you
value them for who they are.
We all need direct and
continuing access to people with whom we can develop healthy, supportive
relationships. We can spend time together at libraries, museums, movies, the beach, art exhibits,
music recitals, restaurants, sporting events and especially at church and times
of fellowship together.
We
can enroll together in enrichment programs, such as sports, music, hobbies or
art. We can use community services for parent education classes and a variety
of hobby classes. We can form a co-op with friends to get together one day a
week or to plan once a week to keep each other’s children to give each other a
day off. Communicate regularly with one another and care about each other.
We
need to encourage one another, even our children and ourselves, with words of
affirmation. Here is a list circulating around the internet of words of affirmation:
I am so proud of you and all
that you do with your life. I love you, I care about you, and I accept you just the way you are.
I am so happy you are in my life.
You are so beautiful and lovable.
You are so bright and talented.
You are so artistic and creative.
You are such a good worker.
We also need to apologize to one another:
Forgive me for hurting you.
Forgive me for neglecting you.
Forgive me for forgetting you.
Forgive me for ignoring you.
Forgive me for taking you for granted.
Forgive me for making you grow up so fast.
Forgive me for relying on you to "be the adult" so much.
And, of course, reassure one another:
You can trust me and Jesus to take care of you.
You can trust me and Jesus to be there for you.
You can trust me and Jesus to help you deal with future hurt or pain.
We will work at getting healthy together.
We will have healthy fun and play together.
Challenges such as
unemployment, a demanding job, a single parent, caring for an elderly parent, a
child with special needs, etc can add to relationship tension. If you think
stress may be affecting the way you treat your relationships, or if you just
want the extra support that most people need at some point in their life, then
professional counseling may help to resolve any issues that come up. Do not
just give up on the relationship or a church family, just because some tension
or disagreement arose. You invested time and a history with these people, and
they are worth more of your effort to resolve any issues that comes up.
How can you be a more loving
and nurturing person? Here are some ideas: Learn your child's, friend’s
and your own love language. Each person feels love in a different way. A
nurturing friend carefully studies how others like to receive love, and then
sends love in that way often. Without this care, actions which we might think
are loving, can be perceived as unloving. For example, one mother came home
from a long day at work, met her little boy at the front door, ruffled his
hair, told him "I love you!" and walked to her room. He followed her
and replied, "Mommy, I don't want you to love me, I want you to play catch
with me!"
In another example, a father
invited his teenaged son to hunt big game in Montana. The father thought the
expedition together would be a great way to spend time with his son and show
his love. But what the son really wanted from his father was less dramatic - he
just wanted his dad to go with him occasionally to a nearby reservoir and watch
the ducks take off in flight.
One father says his children
love their outings with him one at a time. They frequently ask, "When are
we going on our one-on-one?" His youngest daughter is emphatic about
wanting to go swimming for their time together. By honoring her request, he
shows his love for her in one of the ways she can best receive it.
Love languages are discussed
in many articles and books and on the Internet. You can also learn about
someone else’s love language by noticing how she or he shows love. People often
show love in the same way they like to receive it. You should also recall when
you felt especially loved by someone else and remember what that person did,
then treat yourself similarly on a regular basis.
You can also take the direct
approach - ask people what you do or say that helps them to feel loved. Answers
might include: playing a game together, a special gift, a hug, a bedtime story, individual outings, midnight
snacks, conversation or just listening.
Speak kindly to yourself and
other people. Compliment good behavior. Say "please" and "thank
you." Don't say anything demeaning or sarcastic. Even good-humored sarcasm
is easily misunderstood by people and can result in unintended hurt feelings. Tell people how much you
appreciate them. Draw attention to their talents and good behavior. Write thank
you and love notes, when appropriate. Write short notes of love and
encouragement or to show appreciation. Slip them into lunchboxes, backpacks, a
purse, a briefcase, under the windshield of their car, on a coworker’s desk,
etc.
One easy way to communicate
care is to look into a person’s eyes (and into your own eyes in the mirror).
Tell them (and yourself) how much you love him/her and communicate a few
specific sentiments. Remember the power of touch. Don't hesitate to give
someone a cheerful hug, a comforting hand-squeeze, or a congratulatory pat on
the back. (Pat yourself on the back from time to time too. Appreciate who you
are in Christ and what you do for Him and others.)
Be a friend. Spend time
praying for and playing with people. Do things with them that they enjoy (do
things that you enjoy as well). If you need to, schedule time with people in
your day planner – this means friend time, family time, couple time and alone
time.
Prayer:
Lord Jesus, thank You for
bringing my friends and family into my life. Teach me to love them as You love
them and remind me that this may be the last day I will be able to spend with
them. Help me to take advantage of every moment to let them know that I love
and appreciate them.
Thought for the Day:
Every
day, encourage each family member, friend and your self by doing something that
helps them to feel loved. Even very small efforts can yield big results.
