Healing Relationships - Part 2

 

Due to the insecurity and fear in life, many of us attempt to control people and events in order to maintain a safe and secure existence. Unfortunately, life never cooperates.

People who are wounded in their soul form relationships with other wounded people. In fact, we are all wounded to some extent or another due to our life experiences.

When we are wounded, we often choose untrustworthy people to trust, unreliable people to rely upon, and emotionally unavailable people from which we attempt to receive love. We end up more wounded than ever before.

If we are already in such a marriage relationship, God does not want us to divorce (Malachi 2:16). He will change us, which will also help to change our mate. The transition is gradual and it will take patience and time.

If you are not already married, then practice spiritual discernment and seek only God’s will for your future mate (Psalm 37:34).

Trust God to lead you to His selection for your mate. Walk in serenity and realize that when God wants you to be married, He will supply a mate.

As we learned from the Serenity prayer in Part 1 of Healing Relationships, we can only find fulfillment as we focus on eternal aspects of life and walk in God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

This changes our belief system, our choices and our pattern of behavior.

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for healing the wounds of our past as You sanctify our soul and make us whole. Help us to focus on eternal matters in life and to put the matters of our soul in Your capable hands.

You will bring us everything that we need in life when we need it. If we do not have what we want, we can be assured that it is not Your time for us to have it.

If it is not Your will for us to have the desires of our heart, then you will change our desires to line up according to Your Will. Help us to wait patiently on You (Psalm 37:7, 40:11).

Thought for the Day:

Securing counseling as a couple will teach each partner how to live in a healthy, interdependent relationship; this way, you will grow together instead of apart.

*For healing the wounds of our past, start by reading my post:  http://fulfilledchristianlife.blogspot.com/2012/08/part-1-healing-emotional-wounds.html  

Singleness of Purpose!

Read: I Corinthians 7:8-34

“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord -- how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world -- how he may please his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-33

After 22 years of marriage, I suddenly found myself single again. I enjoyed married life and made it my daily goal to serve my husband and family to the best of my ability. Therefore, when I re-entered the single life, I had a hard time adjusting and accepting this turn of events. Then I read this verse found in 1 Corinthians 7:32-33. I realized that God had a whole new ministry for me.

What Paul is saying here is that the state of Singleness is a blessing. Single people do not have to consider the needs of anyone else in praying for the Holy Spirit’s guidance. Singles go anywhere and do anything God directs them to do without a care for anyone else. They do not have to be home at a certain time or ask permission of anyone to attend an activity. If you are single, use this gift as your contribution to serve God with all your might.

All humanity, regardless of age or marital status, often suffers from disillusioned expectations. For instance a young woman desires a husband, children, and a home full of modern conveniences. She experiences constant disappointment when one date after another fails to produce the partner of her dreams. If she focuses instead on God’s will for her life, realizing that singleness is a gift God gives us to fulfill His desires on the earth, she will find contentment until God chooses to send her a mate and family.

Although we possess unfulfilled desires, we can still live a fulfilling life. As we focus on God’s will as our goal, this eliminates unrealistic hopes and expectations. Sometimes, we fail to receive our anticipated, idyllic objective. We discover the truth about our situation and realize our dreams are unrealistic and will never be fulfilled. Then disappointment settles in and we often get jaded about life. We develop a cynical attitude and we shut off our feelings and refuse to be used by God in any way.

Unrealized expectations also ruin relationships, especially if we presume some ideal will materialize without communicating our needs to anyone else. We expect our parents, mate, children, coworkers, employers, pastor, etc to read our mind and to move heaven and earth to meet our needs, even if we never verbalize them. We can accomplish much more if we are willing to request that our needs be met. Even if we do, the other person may not be willing to meet them, but as least we tried. Then we can leave the rest up to God.

Ultimately, no matter what marital state we are in, God’s will and not our expectations must motivate our actions and our emotions. As we find contentment in His will, He will provide everything we need for our eventual fulfillment (Matthew 6:33).

Prayer:

Lord, help me to learn to be content in whatever state You chose for my life. Help me to use my resources for Your glory. If I am single, guide me in how to use my freedom. If I am married, teach me to communicate clearly and to depend upon You to meet my needs.  

Thought for the Day:

Singleness is a blessing to be used for God’s purpose.

Filling the Void

Read: Read Galatians 2:20-21

“They are empty, void, destroyed, deserted and demolished. Their hearts melt with fear, their knees knock together in exhaustion, their bodies and faces have grown pale with anxiety.” – Nahum 2:10 (various translations)

A young woman shared her heart with me during a mentoring session by saying, “I have a void inside of me. I want my husband to fill that void, but he is just too selfish and self-centered.” She felt lonely and unfulfilled.

Single people often relate to me that they long for a deep connection with another human being. Yet, as we see by this woman's confession, even married couples feel lonely. Sometimes their spouse is actually sitting in the very same room with them, but they are not connecting, not filling one another with love and contentment. As wonderful as a mate can be, however, even as nurturing and attentive and caring as they might act, sometimes he/she just cannot fill the blank hole in our heart. 

Only Christ within us fills this empty void in our life. He is the only One who can love us from the inside out! No earthly relationship can ever come from within us (John 14:17). Christ within us is our hope of glory (Colossians 1: 27). Only our relationship with the Lord of love, living and dwelling inside of us, can bring us this level of intimacy and fulfillment, which we human beings so deeply desire. From within our spirit His comfort brings delight to our thoughts and emotions  (Psalm 94:19). Christ’s presence in us also affects our physical health, as well as our soul and spirit (Romans 8:11).

The still, small sanctuary within our spirit is the only place where we can find true empathy and solace from the God who loves us more than life itself. When we enter this "inner closet," we strip away all confusion and clutter from our soul. We empty ourselves of our selfish desires and ambitions and chaotic thoughts (Galatians 5:24). Then, we focus solely on the voice of our Beloved. We bask in the rays of His joy and peace, as we seek His direction for each moment of our day.

Then, when we continue in the life to which God called us, we have renewed power to meet the needs within our own life, as well as in the lives of those He sends our way. We can forgive, nurture, empathize, and minister to ourselves and others by the strength of God and the direction of His Holy Spirit. This is fulfilling indeed!

If we pray as He prayed in the Garden prior to His crucifixion, “Lord, not my will, but Thy will be done”, that prayer will never fail. As we seek His kingdom, He always gives us what we need spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

If you are married and disillusioned or disappointed with your mate, this same prayer will change your relationship, because it will change your attitude and then your heart. If you are single and looking for a mate, then seeking first the will of God for your life is the only way to bring you to the place where you can meet the man/woman He has chosen for you. My husband and I met at Books-a-Million bookstore. God led us both there on the same night at the same time. What are the odds of that happening? With God, all things are possible.

I have heard it said that each partner in a relationship must be whole in Christ before they come together. Having a saving relationship with God is the first and foremost relationship we should cultivate in our own life. Then, only as we seek God’s will together, will we ever find the type of fulfillment we crave, both in our relationship with God and then with one another.  

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, Your presence in us is our only hope of glory both in this world and the next. As we focus on this concept, You bring us the fulfillment and purpose we crave in this life. You avert our attention from ourselves and our perceived lack in body and soul to the nurturing fulfillment, which You provide in our lives. You give us "rest for our souls"; and in You we lack no good thing.

Thought for the Day:

Jesus satisfies our longing and He fills our hungry soul.