Over the years of most marriages, the little foxes of
neglect, abuse and broken promises mount up in our mind. They cause resentment,
anger and bitterness. Then, bitterness defiles the whole relationship (Hebrews
12:15).
We harden our heart toward one another to prevent further
hurt. We find more and more excuses to work longer hours, join one more club or
get involved in one more civic or charitable event in order to avoid each
other.
We ignore one another; we stop doing the little things
that nurture our relationship; we answer each other in crisp, formal tones
rather than with cherishing looks and words. We grow impatient with each
other's idiosyncrasies and habits and mumble under our breath or start to
disparage and nag each other.
The breakdown of our relationship actually started on our
wedding day, or possibly during the wedding planning stage. We did not realize
how hard marriage is - the blending of two lives, two sets of goals and
expectations, and two needs for support and fulfillment.
It takes time and effort to open our individual schedules
to include each other fulltime. We take each other for granted. We stop dating,
we stop focusing our attention on one another, and we stop listening or caring
about our spouse's needs.
When children come along, we neglect each other even
more; we lose patience when the babies demand more of our spouse's time and
attention than they give to us. We often disagree on disciplining methods and
parenting styles.
A destination for the family vacation may also cause
major disagreements, turmoil and disappointment. We may not enjoy spending time
with our mate's parents, but are forced to spend every vacation with them or
have them come visit and stay in our home for prolonged periods of time.
We forget that we are both human with limitations and
physical and emotional needs. All is not hopeless, however; we can soften our
heart toward each other and humbly apologize for our part in the stalemate
between us. Then, we continue repairing our relationship by caring about one
another again as we stop disdaining and losing patience with one another.
Prayer:
Father God, remind us to prefer one another and to make
it our habit and goal to bless each other regardless of our feelings. The heart
is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:-10), and it cannot be trusted. Help us to
see love as an action, rather than as a feeling. Seeking You together is the only
way to remedy this challenging chasm between us, caused by the wounds of our
relationship.
Help us to make time in our busy schedules to communicate
with each other. Teach us to honestly, but lovingly share our feelings and
needs and to really listen to and care about one another. As we forgive and
look past our differences, show us how to appreciate each other and to prefer
one another. Remind us to connect with the person we fell in love with and to
rekindle the spark that drew us together.
Thought for the Day:
God gave us to each other, with all of our differences,
failings and shortcomings in order to find help for our weaknesses and support
from one another's strengths. Our mate is His gift to us, and He reminds us
that we are friends and not enemies; we can change our focus, let go of bitterness
and appreciate and cherish each other.
