As adults
with a wounded soul, we are driven by the dictates of our need to feel safe. We
live in a whirlwind of negative emotions and often over-react in certain
situations.
Then we heap
shame on our self, because of our negative outbursts, and this shame - coupled
with intense shame forced on us by our past - fuels our obsessions,
codependence and compulsions.
We often
suppress our negative feelings, rather than to heed their warning that we have
an unresolved conflict, because conflict may further destabilize our
relationships.
If our
childhood holds horrific and deeply wounding memories, we often avoid
confrontation for fear of wounding others. We act like a doormat and allow
others to walk all over us and to take advantage of us.
Then we feel
sorry for our self as the "victim", and we allow bitterness, anger,
resentment, irritability and defensiveness to wrap us in a shield to protect
our self from further wounding.
On the other
hand, if our role model engaged in the function of a "victim", we
learn to despise this behavior; and we vow to live as the dominant person - in
control of our own life. We isolate our self or withdraw within, in order to
convince our self and others that we need no one.
Our
insecurities, caused by our unstable past, often cause us to swing between
these two extremes. This spurs us into a new direction. We attempt to be the
"savior" of those in our sphere of influence.
This causes
us to further neglect our own needs. We live in hope that others will come
along to meet them for us. This rarely occurs; but if it does, we tend to give
the glory to that person, rather than to God who actually supplied our need.
As God's
Spirit heals us, we attempt to find a balance in our soul - our thoughts,
emotions and choices. In the next step of our recovery, we manufacture a new
norm for our self.
We no longer
live as a doormat, but we often adopt the attitude that if we go along, we will
get along. This usually compounds our negative emotions and attitude, and
tempts us to wander back into the abyss of living as a "victim".
However, once
we learn to go to God in continual prayer throughout the day, we start walking
by God's Spirit in the center of His will; and our recovery from past trauma increases.
Prayer:
Father God,
all of us suffer trauma in this life, but no one experiences the pain which
Jesus did during His lifetime, persecution, humiliation, crucifixion and death.
Separation from Your presence was His most excruciating experience of all. Yet,
He willingly laid down His life for us, even while we were still sinners
(Romans 5:8).
Help us to flood
You with our praises every moment of the day, to obey Your precepts in order to
prove our love to You, and to enter Your rest so that we can abide in Your
presence and be filled with Your Spirit. You lift us up when we are downtrodden,
and You comfort us all the days of our life.
Thought for
the Day:
Many of us
cope with our pain by fluctuating between the roles of "victim" and "controller"
in our endeavor to keep our self safe from the harm that others try to inflict
on us; however, as we trust God with our life, we come to the place of
admitting our mistakes and taking personal responsibility for our thoughts,
words and deeds, which allows us to enjoy a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ.
